thank god its sunday(182 Posts)
I know its an awful thing to say but having had dsc's for over a week I am really ready for them to go home.
They have really pushed boundaries this week and for the first time ever dp has actually disciplined them so we have had the backlash to deal with too. Although he still let's them get away with talking to me like crap...he is starting to back me up when I tell them off for it though.
Am soooo glad i have 2 weeks before they are here again.
Not aided by being 29 weeks pg and having an awful tummy bug for last 3 days
Thank you sparrow.I appreciate your comments xx
I do not think that the children's difficulties are the fault of the OP, though I think she should take responsibility for her part in this situation.
Secondly, I find it difficult to believe her sd knows nothing of her feelings. I lived with a step parent who I believe would rather have not had me around. I was very inconvenient. I was not made to scrub floors or told I wasn't wanted, but the feeling was very clear to me. Even as a 5yo.
Thirdly, you did say the wetting was deliberate, and added this- 'And its exactly the response to being told no. She is fully aware age is doing it and dare I say proud of it.'
You clearly believe she wets as a way of upsetting or punishing you, and claim she is 'proud' of this.
Obviously my input is not welcome on this thread.
I work in child protection and I am struggling to think of any situation where a parent who is having unsupervised overnight contact with his children would ever be prevented from getting help for his children if they had physical or emotional needs.
If ss were involved I am guessing it was a traumatic business for everyone. Hs any adult sat down with these children and discussed the new baby?
I am not blaming you for finding it hard but think you are focusing on the wrong thing here. These children are not little shits who need a slap but emotionally distressed children who apparently do not have parents who are looking out for them.
You won't be able to cope, particularly with a new born so it is time for their parents to step up. They need to rule out physical issues behind the wetting but my guess is you will need a CAMHS referral.
babyh, if you were not a stepmum, I'd be saying this to you:
It sounds like you are really at your wit's end, and having trouble coping in a healthy and effective way with the kids, who are for whatever combination of reasons, being challenging. You need help....from your DP, for starters. You need a bit of a break and you need to be able to enjoy the time you do spend with the kids. I suspect that you do know that its not right or even effective to smack kids, especially over something like toilet training, but you are understandably frustrated. What can you do to get a break/some help with the kids/some support with the issue of the toilet training?
That's what I'd say if you were not a stepmum. Since you are, I'll say this:
It sounds like you are really at your wit's end, and having trouble coping in a healthy and effective way with the kids, who are for whatever combination of reasons, being challenging. You need help....from your DP, for starters. You need a bit of a break and you need to be able to enjoy the time you do spend with the kids. I suspect that you do know that its not right or even effective to smack kids, especially over something like toilet training, but you are understandably frustrated. Your DH needs to take over, right now, and give you the break and the support that you need, because it is his responsibility and by delegating it to you, he's making things tough for both you and his children.
Spero sorry on phone...yes we have discussed the baby with both kids. Dss is being a typical boy and fairly dismissive atm. He is looking forward to it as long as we don't make him change nappies which I am fine with. Dsd on other hand cannot wait to change nappies and feed it. She is looking forward to teaching baby about the computer games she likes and how to Tie shoe laces (something she has yet to master I might add). They have both known about baby since very early on and have helped choose names etc. They appear outwardly at least to be coping well with it.
We have tried to use this enthusiasm to.deal with the wetting, ie you need to be a big girl so you can help show baby how to go to the toilet which appears to have had an effect as she has Been dry since Thursday evening.
As for being proud of wetting this is how she came across to dp when she was telling him she had done it.
Dss has autistic tendancies and imo very much favoured for attention from dp, mum and grandparents so part of it may be to get the attention and negative is better than none I guess.
Thanks to those with support and constructive advice, has helped immensely
Thanks to those with support and constructive advice, has helped immensely
Any time. I really hope things improve for you. It's not easy.
Thanks needaholiday I have to say I won't be posting here again! Can live without the abuse
Aaah it can be good to get your feelings out on here. Do come back if you need us.
Nobody has abused you.
This is not a forum where only those in agreement may post.
Please try the British second wives club, they won't always agree, but they to understand the situation.
And they don't have posting names that make drugs sound like they thing it's cool.
Telling the OP they have a disgusting attitude when her original post acknowledges that her feelings "sound awful" is abusive in MN terms, though.
Unsupportive and personally attacking posts aren't tolerated on the other boards; it's an indication of how thick skinned SMs are that there are rarely pages of "deleted sure to breaching talk guidelines" here
'And they don't have posting names that make drugs sound like they thing it's cool.'
So I post an opinion, receive this in reply, and I'm abusive?
I do understand the situation.
I have a 15yo son with various behavioural difficulties. I have never referred to him as a little shit or wished his dad would smack him.
Pointing this out has made me unwelcome on this thread.
Telling the OP that she has a disgusting attitude has left the OP feeling more vulnerable then she felt when she posted her OP which said that she felt awful for saying it.
Talk about kicking someone when they're down! I'm sure there are days you've wished things in your family were different and felt guilty for doing so - it's perfectly possible to be empathetic while disagreeing.
I totally understood the OP saying she was relieved her SC were going home and she wouldn't have to see them for 2 weeks. That sounded very similar to Mums saying they are relieved the kids are back at school.
However, the explanation is worrying. I would strongly suggest that she read some a renting books, goes on a course or at least watches "Super Nanny".
The little girl sounds in emotional need, and smacking a child or wetting themselves is almost universally condemned (as counter productive). I would suggest SS need to be more involved, and there needs to be more help for these children. It makes me feel very sad for them.
There has got to be a middle ground between abuse and sympathy. Neither are much good in isolation.
I don't think anyone has abused the op, but nor is she simply the frazzled step mum some of you wish her to be.
Morecrack was quite right to point out this Thirdly, you did say the wetting was deliberate, and added this- 'And its exactly the response to being told no. She is fully aware age is doing it and dare I say proud of it.'
This little girl is being made the focus of adult anger and frustration.
I absolutely refuse to believe that any NT 8 year old girl would be 'proud' of wetting herself like that.
And there is obviously a lot more going on here than just a step mum at the end of her rope if her partner is subject to some vague prohibitions on caring for his children after an 'incident'.
Some of it's about language I think.
I can remember feeling tired as pregnancy went on, tired by aspects of step-parenting and by poor communication between my partner and my step-children's mother, tired of dealing with wet bed linen.
And I think there is a lot of understanding here - especially from other step-parents - of the hard juggling/balancing act that we try to do.
So most people would quite understand somebody saying. 'I am knackered. Towards the end of half-term both my stepchildren were quite challenging and unfortunately one of them - who had been doing much better about remembering about going to the toilet- unfortunately began wetting herself again. It's been a tough week and now I'm really looking forward to a break.'
However phrases like 'deliberately wetting herself' and 'obstinate little sod' and 'I would have smacked the pair of them; and 'they are quite frankly being little shits' will inevitably get some of us wondering about the well-being of the children, not just the poster.....
OP I have had weeks just like you describe with my DSC.
My DSS used to deliberately poo himself and hide his dirty clothes and DSD still wets the bed so I know how frustrating it can be - especially while you are pregnant. In our case it seemed to be all about attention seeking.
Vent away all you like on here. Believe me I know that 8 and 10 year olds can be little shits and I have an obstinate little sod of my own at times!
Have a and enjoy your DSC free time!
OP, just wanted to send you some moral support. Dealing with step children is the most soul destroying and frustrating issue i've ever dealt with. I regularly felt jubilant when DSS went back to his mothers, and am counting the days til he starts Uni in September.
Please don't stop posting.
Thanks kaluki and petal.
Have asked for thread to be deleted as apparently I am not entitled to be frustrated or vent without being accused of alsorts.
Dont worry BabyHMummy..your just worn out and stressed so obviously your going to say things u don't mean and out of anger but people can it differently on here
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