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Going on holiday

(9 Posts)
mummyno2 Fri 26-May-06 11:10:35

I know I've only been posting for a couple of days but dp and I are off on holiday for a week next week. Thought I'd ask if anyone else had been through the same?
We had a dilemma about it as we had booked it at the start of the year before the dsd's came to live with us. Did we cancel, take them with us, or leave them with dp's parents? In the end we decided not to take them as its not really a child friendly holiday. We're already going to Butlins in August and Florida in October with them. But part of me feels guilty about leaving them so soon after they moved in permanently? Dsd's say they are happy as they will be spoilt rotten by my parents for half the week and their grandparents for the other half. But the other half of me so needs this holiday to de-stress, as I said in my first post, I'm still coming to terms with being a full on full time mummy!

NotActuallyAMum Fri 26-May-06 11:29:21

I'm in exactly the same position mummyno2. DPs dd came to live with us just over a month ago and we're going away in 2 weeks - been booked since well before Christmas

At first we wondered if we should go too but we decided it would be unfair on us if we didn't - dsd will be fine with DPs parents and we need some time together too

Enjoy it - you deserve it

mummyno2 Fri 26-May-06 11:41:15

Thanks Naam. Thats was exactly our thoughts that we needed some 'us time'.

Have you got child benefit yet? We got our letter this week after putting in the claim the day the moved in, but they are only paying it from then (22 May) and not the actual date they started living with us? Which is just over 4 weeks ago now. It seems that BM has been still receiving it for them! Child Benefit actually rang Social Services to check the date was correct, so why still give it her?

NotActuallyAMum Fri 26-May-06 12:07:27

No we haven't got it yet - DP had a letter from them last week asking him to confirm his bank details but we've heard nothing since. I don't know if they'll write to him again to say he'll get it or if they'll just pay it into his bank but we're still waiting to hear

Have you applied for Tax Credits and Working Tax Credits? We have, again we haven't heard anything yet but we've put the application in

mummyno2 Fri 26-May-06 12:18:58

The bank letter came yesterday, I think. I don't think we're eligible for any of the tax credits. Our combined income puts us over the limit.

We have talked about asking bm for maintanence payments, but have decided against it as she has them for tea 2 days a week and one night every weekend. Although she used to squeeze all she could out of us, even though we paid for all their uniform, school shoes and a lot of their other clothes. She's probably ask us for money so she can feed them. Her partner has just got a job (lets see how long this one lasts!) so she is happy at the moment which stops her from hassling us.

NotActuallyAMum Fri 26-May-06 12:33:34

DP won't ask BM for maintenance, it makes me so mad because he expects me to pay towards his dd but not her own mum!! Don't get me wrong I don't mind paying at all but I think her mum should too. DPs argument is that because she only works part-time we wouldn't get much anyway, which I have to say is probably true but I still think she should pay something

dsd still hasn't heard anything from her mum. Don't know how much of the other thread you've read but she came to live with us on 14th April after her mum threw her out following a massive argument. She went to her mum's for tea 3 weeks ago but was there less than an hour because they had another massive row and we've heard nothing from her since. I don't know how a mother can do that to her child, I really don't. dsd doesn't seem bothered though, she says she's very happy with us and she doesn't want to see her or speak to her

mummyno2 Fri 26-May-06 12:53:16

Thats awful, at least we can say that the dsd's mum didn't throw them out. SS recommended they stay with us, but their mum had to give input and ok it. She'd already had had her eldest dd (aged 10) decide to go and stay with her dad (again SS involvement). I must say though I think she would always choose her partner over the kids. Don't know how that would work now as she has a 2 year old with him! For the childs sake I hope she, and the dad buck their ideas up, otherwise she'll end up with none of her children.

How old is your sd? It sounds as if the problems have been there for sometime and the sd is happy to be out of it. At least she had a safe place to go with you and her dad. My sd's are 7 1/2 and seem to be ok with it, they've got each other which helps and they certainly haven't voiced any concerns, but we do keep asking them if they love it with us. At first it probably seemed like a novelty to them, but after 4 weeks they have got used to the routine we need to do.

The first weekend we had them after the moved in they had tonsilitis, and I really found out what it was like to be a 'mum' when they were being sick at 2 in the morning! But I also realised how much they had missed out on 'at home' as they were surprised when I made sure they were ok by staying with them until they went back to sleep.

NotActuallyAMum Fri 26-May-06 13:14:14

Sounds like you're doing a fantastic job

dsd is 13. Since she went back to school in September she got into lots of trouble, nothing too serious, just the usual teenage stuff really - caught smoking, detentions for backchatting and not doing homework and things like that. Then her half-sister (BMs dd) turned up after disappearing for well over a year - they've never got on - and it all escalated from there

I'm struggling though. I miss my lie-in at weekends, I miss DP and I having time on our own, and I can't believe the extra housework/ironing she's created! Honestly, for just one extra person it's crazy!!

mummyno2 Fri 26-May-06 14:29:03

Ditto lie-ins. My washing machine is always on in the evenings, thinks something is up if its not! Thank god for Woolies and their summer dresses, if you hang up them straight away you can get away witout ironing them.

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