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So this is the scenario, how would you deal with it and/or your dh/dp (sorry it's a long one!)

(126 Posts)
K8eee Sat 01-Jun-13 20:18:57

Right so here it is...

Dh has dss every school holiday and he was due to pick him up Tuesday morning just gone, early.

He drove 266 miles to dss home town and stayed with a mate over night. They ended up going out, he stayed up later than he should've, but got 6 or so hours sleep. He picks up dss Tuesday morning, and heads off approx 7:45am back home to me. With half hour or so he feels tired so pulls over into a service station on the motorway, parks up in the corner out the way of anyone, locks himself and dss in the car and explains to dss that because he is a but tired he just needs to rest his eyes ready for the long drive home. Dss has his ds and dh phone to occupy him for the 45 mins dh rests. Once awake, dh quickly runs into the service station, grabs a red bull and makes his way home and gets here safely.

Now, what is your judgement on my dh and his actions? Sensible for stopping to rest, or irresponsible and unsafe for resting with dss in the car.

Dh ex went absolutely ballistic saying he was irresponsible, and now is refusing dh to have dss in the car with him. This has resulted in us having to pay for her fuel to come and pick him up. I was very reluctant to let dh give her the money, but all week she has given us grief, and has pummelled dss with phrases such as 'you're not safe with daddy in the car anymore' and 'you're never allowed to go to your dads ever again' which I also have has to answer questions from his to justify the reasoning for why his dad had a cat nap before the long journey.

Rainbowinthesky Sat 01-Jun-13 21:11:05

I don't think she is justified in stopping him seeing her ds however if I were here I would need assurances that he isn't going to drink the night before doing that drive.

waltermittymissus Sat 01-Jun-13 21:11:06


Lying to her?

It wasn't a deep sleep as if he wouldn't of woken up at any sound

How do you know?

K8eee Sat 01-Jun-13 21:11:11

Walter read the original post. He popped into the service station to get a drink. Yet again another hang up she has. Haven't we all as kids been left in the car at some point in our lives?

DreamsTurnToGoldDust Sat 01-Jun-13 21:11:16

I`m with her I`m afraid, I cannot see why your DP started a long journey with a young child in the car if he knew he couldnt do it.

Why wont he see him again? I thought his ex said she wasnt happy for him to drive with their son? Shes angry at the moment, she`ll probably calm down soon.

K8eee Sat 01-Jun-13 21:12:13

No I never said he lied to her

SgtTJCalhoun Sat 01-Jun-13 21:12:47

I agree with his ex. Why the hell should a 7 year old CHILD be locked into a car to watch his DRUNK dad sleep? I would be furious.

Maybe his ex had a belly full of this kind of thing and that's why he's her ex?

waltermittymissus Sat 01-Jun-13 21:14:01

He popped into the service station to get a drink after he'd slept for 45 minutes leaving a six year old basically unattended!

I assumed that you meant he was only telling her he'd hit traffic and ds told her he'd gone to sleep? So a lie by omission perhaps?

Rainbowinthesky Sat 01-Jun-13 21:17:12

I actually think sleeping with a sensible child who has things to do is fine as is popping into the service station. I assume it was a petrol station. I would see this as far safer then taking ds out of the car and across the forecourt.

Guitargirl Sat 01-Jun-13 21:17:37

There is no way that any healthy adult should need to stop for a sleep after 6 hours sleep and a couple of drinks. He either drank a lot more than he claims he did and/or had a lot less sleep than he says he did. Come on. You know that, right?

Rainbowinthesky Sat 01-Jun-13 21:18:02

If it were a service station where you park in the car park and then have to walk into it, then I would be extremely annoyed.

SgtTJCalhoun Sat 01-Jun-13 21:20:12

He's a Billy Bullshitter. He didn't get 6 hours sleep at all, probably about three and he was far more pissed than he is letting on.

DontmindifIdo Sat 01-Jun-13 21:21:49

If I was the ex, i'd assume your DP was hungover and lying, he'd already lied once to her. It's really not normal to have to stop after such a short drive in the morning for a nap - perhaps stop for a red bull, but not to have a sleep. And if i'm reading this right, he'd stopped at a service station but didn't take DSS in with him to get the drink. That would also annoy me.

Pay the petrol money, and then next time can you offer to go too so that DH isn't hte only adult in the car? (Can you drive? You could offer to split the driving so she's not as worried.)

DontmindifIdo Sat 01-Jun-13 21:25:43

oh and if he doesn't drink much normally, then it probably had more of an affect on him than the same amount of drinks on someone else. He could be very hungover on what on other friends would have been fine.

VinegarDrinker Sat 01-Jun-13 21:27:51

I don't think she can justify not allowing him to stay with you but tbh I would be with her on not wanting him alone with your DH in a car. The suggestion of you going too is a good one, otherwise you suck it up and pay petrol imo, surely you are paying his petrol anyway so the only one losing out is her on her time. You get DSS dropped to your door! She is being very accommodating. (Although agree with pp that speaking about your DH in front of the kid like that is not on).

I don't know what a court would think about it if it ever got that far.

Kaluki Sat 01-Jun-13 21:46:53

Your DH's ex is completely right.
I would be furious. What if DSS had let off the handbrake or just decided to wander off. It happens - kids are unpredictable creatures.
I agree that he must have drunk more or slept less than he's letting on. My DP can drive after 6 hours sleep and so could I - unless we were hungover!

brdgrl Sat 01-Jun-13 22:18:02

I really think it is impossible to know exactly why the DH stopped or how hungover he was etc etc...I only want to chime in to say that my DH and I were recently, with DD, on a two-hour drive back from another town, and he had to do exactly this same thing. I was there, obviously (I am not insured to drive his vehicle as I don't have a UK license), so I was able to read to DD while he had a brief nap in an Aldi's parking lot. Of course it was not ideal, but I was glad he recognised that he needed to stop. He was not hungover and had not been drinking the night before, but was worn out from a weekend away. Just offering this up as my own recent experience.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 01-Jun-13 22:27:07

I can see why she's so cross.

He has his son only every holiday? He should have put all other things aside and ensured that he was fit to drive. That means not going and having drinks with his mate the night before he knows he is picking up his child and going on a very long drive.

He chose to go out drinking.

It was, imo, a poor choice.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 01-Jun-13 22:27:57

meant to say though, that since he did make that poor choice and it left him too tired to safely drive, he did the best thing in stopping to rest.

But he shouldn't have put himself in that position in the first place

FairPhyllis Sat 01-Jun-13 22:31:35

My parents used to pull over for a catnap on long journeys all the time, lock the doors and let me just sit and read in the back when I was quite young. That part is fine.

However they never did it because they had been out late the night before and not got enough sleep. Your DH needs to promise not to try to drive on not enough sleep again.

lunar1 Sat 01-Jun-13 22:45:26

He should not have put his son up in the first place if he wasn't fit to drive. He should have picked him up later. I would be really angry if dh did this.

His ex is right to be worried but shouldn't be talking about it with her son.

mynewpassion Sat 01-Jun-13 22:50:23

I think he should at least acknowledge that he made a poor choice the evening before and to never do it again. Yes, it was sensible for him to pull over because it would have been far more dangerous to continue to drive. However, his poor judgement of drinking and likely not getting sufficient sleep put his son at risk. He needs to understand this.

NatashaBee Sun 02-Jun-13 00:04:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeskPlanner Sun 02-Jun-13 08:46:59

I agree with everyone else, he is very much in the wrong. Sorry if its not what you want to hear.

Petal02 Sun 02-Jun-13 08:47:29

Just out of interest - how come the ex can demand petrol money if she's picking up DSS?

K8eee Sun 02-Jun-13 09:38:32

Thanks everyone for your opinions. Dh knows he shouldn't of had a late night, but it definitely doesn't justify her need to tell dss he's never going to come to our house again sad

Petal I have no idea. I did say to dh if she really wanted to pick him up she would make sure she had the money for fuel. She threatened to call the police if we didn't let her have him. We weren't stopping her picking him up, and to be honest I dot understand how having your own son stay with you (from dh point of view) can be kidnap when it's been arranged?! Or am I missing something...?

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