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Now into Week 2 of Life Without The Access Rota

(11 Posts)
Petal02 Tue 07-May-13 09:20:47

......... and everything appears to be going well. DSS18 hasn't seen any less of his Dad, it's just been on a flexible basis, and DH and I have managed to do some normal things without having to work round the rota, which has been really nice. Everyone seems happy so far. The only risk is that the ex suddenly realises that the 'no rota situation' is a permanent change, but other than make noise I don't think there's anything she can do about it. DH is still paying, and is still seeing his son, so I doubt she has a leg to stand on. June will be the last month that DH pays maintenance though, so there may be some choppy water there.

Interestingly - because DSS wasn't rostered to be with his father on Saturday, he actually ended up making some social arrangements with some young people his own age, and on account of this has now been invited to attend another social event next week. Which just completely validates my suspicion that the rota was holding him back with regards to social development.

theredhen Tue 07-May-13 11:46:07

That's fantastic news! grin

I hope you are pointing out all the positives to dss and dp so that it continues.

allnewtaketwo Tue 07-May-13 12:57:13

So pleased for you, really hope it continues

mummytime Tue 07-May-13 13:00:19

That is good news!

Readyisknitting Tue 07-May-13 13:04:57

Fantastic news! Long may it last :-)

DeskPlanner Tue 07-May-13 13:15:37

Wow, what a relief.

mumandboys123 Tue 07-May-13 16:15:40

why June for stopping maintenance? is that when he ends college? I would be careful because the Child Benefit should run on to the end of August which, if you were with the CSA, is when you would have to pay maintenance until. I know it's picky, but if you play it by the book, it lessens the opportunity for problems.

Petal02 Tue 07-May-13 16:56:53

DH pays maintenance via a consent order, (not CSA) which states he pays til DSS finishes full time education, not including University.

We had this issue with DH's daughter, even though the agreement was through a consent order, the ex went to the CSA and tried to get the payments extended to August, but on the grounds that (a) there was already a consent order in place and (b) DH wasn't in any sort of arrears, the CSA weren't interested.

Once we stop paying the ex in June, the money we save over the summer will be put to one side for DSS, so that he's got a small 'lump sum' to take to Uni with him in September. Also, once DSS finishes his exams in June, both his parents expect him to get some sort of summer job, out of which he can pay his mother a small amount of 'rent.' It won't kill him !!!

Petal02 Tue 07-May-13 17:01:46

And before everyone jumps on the "you're washing your hands of him financially" band wagon - DH and I plan to pay for his Uni accommodation for him, for three years. Which will cost more each month than we presently pay the ex. But hopefully a decent Uni education will get DSS off to a good start in life.

Alwayscheerful Wed 08-May-13 13:20:05

Petal -Good news.
Petal & Mum with boys - I was about to make the same point as Mumwithboys re payments ceasing in September but Petal, as usual you are well informed. I am given to understand that CSA payments are linked to entilement to child benefit and or WFTC which technically cease once a child works more than 24 hrs per week. I know the date maintenance ceases is a complex area but it gets even more complicated if RP claims WFTC.

Eliza22 Wed 15-May-13 08:40:51

After all this time, I'm so pleased there's been positive change. Excellent. And, the Uni fund is such a good idea!

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