This should probably be in relationships or AIBU but this is about a relationship with DP who has children then I feel better posting here as I'm not sure at 6 months pregnant I can face the pasting elsewhere.
I have been with DP 2 years and we've lived together since last august. I got pregnant in November with my first child, DP has 2 DCs with exW.
We have DSCs every saturday and one week night but he does not yet have them overnight as exW wants contact to be child led and feels they are not ready. This is being dealt with by solicitors at present.
This mean that we never have a weekend we just the 2 of us can do something and we only go away between the set contact times so he does not miss seeing DSCs. I am absolutely fine with this, glad he is a committed Dad etc - just want to make that clear.
Right - after all that back story the issue is that I have said I would really like a couple of days away, just the 2 of us. This has been a really hard pregnancy, I am in the midst of full time PhD and teaching (only this term to go) and I have PreND.
It is v difficult to get DP to take any time off work for family things unless it involves DCs. To organise things e.g going to a friends wedding, going to scans, I have to effectively schedule a time to talk to him when he is not stressed/ tired from work, make him put the date in his diary and even then it feels like it is not worth the stress of taking him away from work (he is an academic so never really "off", I am also an academic in a way but way lower level and so under much less stress).
He has taken time off when his family are visiting or when he gets extra contact time in the school holidays no questions asked (again as it should be). So why do I not matter enough to do this?
We are going to an event with his parents in a couple of months which he sees as a holiday (and it is I guess) but to me this is actually 3 days involving a 6 hour drive each way and time with his parents (who are lovely and I get on well with) when I am 8 months pregnant.
All I am asking is for 2 or 3 days somewhere not too far away to recharge after a stressful time and before baby arrives in August. he would only need to take a monday and tuesday off, and we could not miss any contact time with DSCs.
I feel like a lot of the time I am bottom of the list of his priorities and worry that when baby arrives I will still be in charge of "manging" family life - unless it involves his DCs or his parents/siblings in which case he has shown himself perfectly capable of stepping up. I cannot think of one thing we have done together which he hs either instigated or organised.
Any ideas on how I can handle this without it descending into a hormonally fuelled row?
thanks
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Probably an AIBU but safer to post here!
39 replies
parttimer79 · 26/04/2013 10:51
OP posts:
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