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Does your dsc resent you or your dp now you have a child together?

(8 Posts)
K8eee Fri 12-Apr-13 12:32:21

Just after some feedback on the above question. DH and I are TTC baby #1. DH has a ds under the age of 10, we have a good relationship with him and since we have been married he has accepted me a lot better now I am his 'step mum'. We don't pressure this on him at all. I'm worried dsc may turn against us once we have a child. Has this happened to anyone?

peppersquint Fri 12-Apr-13 15:53:15

I think it depends on the child really - so it's hard to say.

As you are being more "accepted" now and are a "family" then there will be less reason to worry. I had DD when my 4 DSC were early teens upwards.

They lived with us full-time so were involved every day and accepted DD as sister straight away - try to avoid any mention of "half brother or sister".

All my DSCs were all welcoming and happy to have a baby sister but some bonded more than others.

DSD (13) loved it - she was studying childcare and really got "stuck in" (I hardly got a look in!), DSD (18) was off to university so had less contact but still doted on her sister, DSS (19) was a bit scared at first - he was the eldest and a bit shy - he was worried about picking up baby etc.. DSS (14) was chuffed to bits but not really hands-on. Remember everyone's different.

Also remember a 10 year old boy isn't likely to be interested in babies (yours or anyone elses) that much (in my experience) so don't over analyse a lack of interest into something it may not be - he might find babies boring, odd, etc..

I guess the attitude of the BM helps - my DH's ex was very manipulative and could be downright nasty. Fortunately the DSC knew this (she had left them and DH before we met) and although there were some low key nasty comments nothing really phased me or the family. DD is now 15 and has 4 wonderful brothers and sisters, sisters and brothers in law, six nephews and a lovely relationship with them all.

It will work out and if you include him in as many things as possible that will be even better - talk about names, make sure he has his own room, ask for help if you think he is interested - don't push it if he's not.

Try not to worry and keep yourself healthy - worrying whilst trying and/or pregnant will do no one any good.

Good luck

K8eee Fri 12-Apr-13 16:01:24

Thanks pepper!

DSS is a few years under ten but he is up for having a brother or sister but there will be a huge distance between themsad he's already requested namesgrin and is very caring and loving. I'm just scared BM may poison himhmm

Xalla Sat 13-Apr-13 06:15:51

My DSD was very young when we had my DS - only 2.5 but she took it in her stride and loved to 'help'. When he started toddling and helping himself to 'her' toys I think she was a bit put out for a while, especially when it dawned on her that as she wasn't there all the time, he was getting more time in 'her' playroom than she was. Now they're 7 and 4 and very normal siblings; they fight like cat and dog but adore each other's company and play together for hours.

She was 5 when we had DD. This time she was delighted to have a baby sister on the way. We did let her choose the DD's name (we drew the line at calling the baby Princess Rainbow Flower but as soon as she came up with something half-decent, we went with it).

DSD is 7 now and I'm pregnant again although we haven't told the kids yet. DSD's Mum is about to have a baby too so by the time we do tell DSD, I'm not expecting much of a fact she'll probably roll her eyes!

As far as BM poisoning you DSS. Certainly my DSD's Mum has said unpleasant things to DSD about me and DH in the past but as far as I'm aware, she leaves the kids out of it. It would be a fairly low level to steep to imo. There's no love lost between my DH and his ex but neither of them would attempt to alienate DSD from her siblings; that's would be truly poisonous. I'm sure it does happen (hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and all that) but I can't imagine it's that common. It's unforgiveable really.

olibeansmummy Sat 13-Apr-13 13:20:18

Dss (who was 10 when we had ds) didn't resent me as far as I know, but does massively resent ds sad to the point of hurting him as often as he can sad it's been a really difficult situation.

K8eee Sat 13-Apr-13 15:22:29

That's exactly what I'm worried is going to happen sad dsc is normally really lovely but can get VERY jealous sometimes especially if he isn't involved in something even down to me and DH cuddling

olibeansmummy Sat 13-Apr-13 15:44:49

I think all you can do is try to involve him as much as possible. I won't talk too much about our situation as there are other behavioural issues involved with dss and his home life at his mums isn't great, so were probably in a different situation to you, but just do watch out for jealous behaviour.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Sat 13-Apr-13 15:49:45

No not at all, my SD adores her little brothers and they have enriched her life if anything. When "half" siblings are born, it never has to mean that existing children's lives are ruined or they will be unhappy.

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