Yes I may of been wrong but really...........(135 Posts)
I know that I may well get flamed on here today but just feel fed up and hurt and figured I would share.
We have DSC EW and EW on a Sunday I cook a full roast dinner, do all the ironing, make sure homework and showers are done before the DSC go home so they are ready for school and Mom doesn't have a stress on a Sunday night.
DH can not cook - and I mean really not even beans on toast(he is very good at housework though so I generally live with it).
This weekend I have felt really poorly. DS was still asleep at 11.00 so when DSS came downstairs to ask for something to eat I told him to just grab himself something from cupboard. He did - crisps.
DH was having to go out in afternoon so I decided there was no point cooking roast and kids are off school for easter holidays so I did them Ham Sandwichs on crusty bread and yes - they had another packet of crisps late in the afternoon. Had showers etc and them I dropped them home.
When DH got back he had had several text messages of ex slating me for not providing them with a roast dinner and saying as I have a son I should know that crisps are not acceptable and what was I doing letting them have nothing but crisps for breakfast and dinner.
Now I fully accept that crisps are not really the best option, I suppose because I cook during the week and generally do well balanced meals on the whole I thought it wouldn't kill them this once - I also know that mom does them smiley faces and waffles etc so that is not exactly full of nutrition food either so I feel harshly judged on 1 incident of poor judgement in the last 5 years or so.
Now I have put my foot down - admittedly because I felt so crap, so I spat my dummy and said that going forward so that everyone knows where they stand, I am no longer making sure they are showered before they go home and will not cook a roast dinner - they will have a lunch at 2-3 (cold sandwhich/snack) and she can cook them a roast for when they get home every week instead!
See how she copes with doing a roast and getting them ready for school every flipping weekend.
I keep thinking I am reading a thread about very young children, but they are not. Do you think youve all got a bit stuck in routines that worked a while ago and now need to be rethought?
Excellent point nkf. I think Allnew would also agree with you.
OP, just because an arrangement works at one point in time, it doesnt mean you have to stick with it forever more. Maybe a more age-appropriate arrangement would be better? Even if the ex kicks up a fuss, theres not much she can do about your choice of menu and whether (or not) the children shower before they go home. Otherwise I could see you ending up in a situation like Allnew and I, whereby you have step children of age 17/18, who still need to be home by 6pm sharp on a Sunday, fed, showered and ready for bed.
Agree - sort it out now because they get much older. The rigid routine and requirements that come with it becomes so set in stone that nobody questions it any more (except the lone ignored voice of the SP!) and it almost becomes against the law to do otherwise. Break free and don't end up with young adults so welded to these rules they can no longer be broken
Thanks everyone - some very useful feedback so I thought I would give a bit of an update.
This Sunday was bliss! I never realised just how tied to routine we were. DH and I sat the kids down on Sat and said we didn't think things were working for everyone as they were so lets come up with a plan to make things better for everyone. DSD let us know that mom had been in "a right mood" (her words all week) so we explained that sometimes adults get just as fed up as children.
I still did ironing yesterday and then went out and met up with a friend for an hour or so for a coffee (this has never happened on a Sunday and I felt like a bit of a rebel). Whilst out I popped to supermarket and got some sub rolls and bits and pieces for kids light lunch. When I got back the kids prepared the stuff for their lunch and made it a bit of a buffet, they seemed to enjoy this (the elder two very much light heartedly lording it over the younger one).
As we were all much more chilled - I had shown DH this thread and said there were some good points about his cooking so once DH took the kids home he actually came in kitchen and helped me get our roast ready (mainly prepping veg etc but little steps and all that).
The only strange part was that DH's ex text at 1.00pm asking if she was having to do the kids dinner still, even though they had been with us all weekend. DH just replied that they would have had a light lunch but if she wanted them to have a roast then yes she would need to do it as agreed!
I am so glad for the advice - especially about the tied routine, I think we had just got so set in routine that we just didn't see how much it was restricting our weekend - anyway this is one very happy bunny today
Sounds like you had a successful weekend.
Dropping a roast dinner on a Sunday lunchtime/afternoon can be very liberating for everyone. Suddenly the family has an extra day to go off and do stuff, visiting people or places, going swimming etc. instead of hanging round the house, preparing/eating/washing up.
It sounds like this minor row might have an unintended silver lining.
sanityseeker - can you be my dc step mum? They would all love you for the roast dinner each week.
The probelm was the step dc went home and said they had had crisps but didn't say why and then the mum didn't ask why was that then was their a reason was op sick or the cooker broken etc? if she had then it would have been clear.
but I agree with Op best their mum makes their sunday roast from now on and everyone will know where they stand
Great news Go you!! & thank you for the update, it's always nice to hear what happens afterwards
So what happened this Sunday? Was it as relaxed?
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