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At my wits end with things like this!!

(134 Posts)
SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Fri 05-Apr-13 16:36:22

I've just posted a Facebook status that reads:

"Daniel and my two beautiful boys mean the whole world to me."

That's my partner and our two sons. I love them to the end of the universe and back.

Then I get a comment off BIL saying, "And X as your step daughter."

I am furious with him. Sick and tired of him saying stuff like this. I swiftly corrected him and told him that I do not call her that and that I am not her stepmum. I am her dad's girlfriend. Am I so so wrong that I do not love her as much as my partner and my two children? I mean, I don't treat her any differently, but the feelings of love just aren't there. So if I don't want to include her in a bloody Facebook status I won't! So so so petty.

flurp Mon 08-Apr-13 08:20:13

Ignore the twat BIL.
He is trying to cause trouble - dont let him.
What is his problem anyway?
Glad you had a nice time with DSD. I made cakes with my DSD this weekend it was lovely - things like that make it all worthwhile!

mynewpassion Mon 08-Apr-13 01:16:55

Your bil is an arse but you should have expected that. Maybe he's also trying to tell your dp in a not so subtle way about your fb posting if he didn't see it the other day.

pictish Sun 07-Apr-13 21:36:14

Your bil does come over quite the wee snotter, doesn't he? What's his problem??

Stop being so snippy OP - Nailak is right. Some people aren't great with tinies. My mil (who is lovely) has only just started taking my two younger ones out for the day, and they are 4 and 5.
She's not comfortable being in sole charge of babies and tots. Not everyone is.

I'm sure your inlaws are as awful as you say...but don't be arsey with people for politely offering an alternative perspective. That's not cool.

Sunnywithshowers Sun 07-Apr-13 21:05:37

Your BIL sounds like a shit stirring little bastard. sad

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Sun 07-Apr-13 20:55:15

I'm sorry I'm posting all of this on here. It's somewhere for me to vent.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Sun 07-Apr-13 20:47:51

I've had to gracefully bite my lip tonight. These people are testing my fucking patience.

We've just took some nice pictures of all 3 of the children. DP very stupidly sent his mother one of the photos (obviously with the best intentions of giving her a lovely photo of 3 of her grandchildren.) He then gets a phone call off his dickhead brother and goes, "Is X not part of your little family too?" (DSD)

She is quite clearly in the god damn picture. She is THERE.

Apparently he was joking but I don't find it funny at all. There's obviously a dig in there somewhere behind his pathetic jokes. Maybe if I got rid of his nephews out of the picture he'd be happy. Twat.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Sun 07-Apr-13 18:56:12

Yeah we really do have a great relationship despite everything. We both went in to town today just me and her whilst we chose some new bedding for her and her brother. It was a nice afternoon smile

Sunnywithshowers Sun 07-Apr-13 18:42:08

It's definitely her loss. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your DSD.

Ignore the bastards.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Sun 07-Apr-13 18:30:01


SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Sun 07-Apr-13 18:29:26

Yeah Snazzy she knows the drill. Tries to choose to ignore it of course but we're not having it. She thinks the whole, "they come as a packag" thing is ridiculous. Her loss.

Snazzynewyear Sun 07-Apr-13 17:29:19

So are you going to say all or no GC to her, OP? A few of us have suggested it now.

Booyhoo Sun 07-Apr-13 17:14:57

Op why so snappy with everyone?

mumvswild Sun 07-Apr-13 14:49:00

May have confused posts there, sorry. Good luck OP. A bit sad that she didn't include her own DM in her family picture.

mumvswild Sun 07-Apr-13 14:46:01

Well it was fitting at the start of the thread. It wasn't really directed at OP, it was appreciation of the term, acronym actually.
Glad to see OP coming around a bit.
My 2yo often stays when the older DCs visit with the GPs because he is a handful and they are getting on a bit, he is welcome of course but generally with me there to do the bulk of the child care. GPs just want to do fun things with the time they have available not nappies and tantrums as well as everything else visits with kids entails. I hope this is the case with your ILs.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Sun 07-Apr-13 13:24:11

Well if that works for you and your 2 year old then I'm happy for you.

nailak Sun 07-Apr-13 12:42:39

i think maybe there are some misunderstandings, my own mum will take my dds 6 and 4 out and have them at hers without me and stuff mut wouldn't take my 2 year old ds as he does require more looking after. I don't think this is wrong.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Sun 07-Apr-13 12:26:28

Yeah well if you care to read the whole thread.


TheFallenNinja Sun 07-Apr-13 04:11:45

Wow. That sounds pretty stone cold.

mumvswild Sun 07-Apr-13 03:55:30

Branleuse - Yabac- priceless!

exoticfruits Sat 06-Apr-13 12:08:42

You can indeed make it a good relationship -your OP made you sound quite an unpleasant person, when quite plainly you are not! You are letting the ILs get to you-they are the problem not DSD. They want a reaction-don't give it to them-ignore, ignore, ignore (even if you have to grit your teeth to do it).

Booyhoo Sat 06-Apr-13 11:53:11

she wants you to want her as part of your family. she was asking your permission to consider you part of hers.

this girls wants you to love her.

break the habits of the past and start putting the foundations in place for a great step-parent/child relationship. she's clearly willing, it's only you that is holding back on this. you are getting to dictate how your relationship with her pans out. choose to make it good. only you can do it.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Sat 06-Apr-13 11:38:29

DSD just came up to me with a picture she has drawn and explained that it is her family. She said, "It's you, daddy, me, X and X (brothers). She wrote above the picture, "I love One Direction and my family lots and lots."

Then she asked me, "You're part of my family aren't you?"

I felt a huge lump in my throat when she said that, and replied, "Yes"

Really brought it home to me.

lunar1 Sat 06-Apr-13 09:33:55

Op, you sound like you are better than all this point scoring and just got caught up in it all.

Your dh really needs to lay down the law with your Inlaws over the favouritism. I guess all you can do is keep reminding yourself that you are a better person and that your dsd is innocent in all this mess.

iluvsummer Sat 06-Apr-13 00:31:54

My pil were like this dss everything our son nothing! They even used to sit there and say to dss you're no. 1 grandson in front of me, ds and dh! I do not have ANY contact with them anymore neither does ds. Their loss not my ds, they will not be able to pour their toxic poison into him they way they have to dss, this does mean that ds and dss don't have much of a relationship either but unfortunately that's the way it's turned out and we just get on with it!

Booyhoo Fri 05-Apr-13 23:09:12

this is very sad for all involved, including OP. life is so much more enjoyable when you dont have to battle through negative feelings about people who are in it.

OP think ahead, your behaviour sets a standard. it tells your DSes how they should expect to be treated by a step father if you and dp were ever to separate. would you accept this treatment of them by the person you chose to share your life with? could you love someone who treated your dses like this?

OP i wonder what would happen if you just decided, regardless of what anyone else did or said to you or your dses or sdd, to love this little girl. draw a line under how you have felt about her in the past and start new. just tell yourself that you are going to love her and that you and she will have a special unique relationship, one that no-one else has with her. i think you're missing out on what could be a lovely relationship for both of you.

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