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now avoiding dsd

(26 Posts)
lastroseofsummer Tue 26-Mar-13 13:31:55

she is a teenager who is having issues and attending a counsellor for self-harming etc and i have tired to help her in any way, going out just the 2 of us - trying to talk to her and let her know that i am here but I just give up now.

she has caused so many arguments, tears etc, she is mean to my dc, flaunts all our house rules, ie told to be home for 10 - walzing in at 11.30 - no punishment from my dp who is the gold medal winner of disney parenting - my child came to be to ask why she was being so mean!

she was so snappy last nite that I snapped back at her, i then approached my dp to tell him that i am now uncomfortable in my own home - i dread her coming over as we are all on constant egg shells with her.

personally i think my dp is to blame for alot of it as she is still a child but he is so busy trying to keep her happy that he doesnt actually parent her.

any advice?

Springdiva Fri 29-Mar-13 12:04:20

Poor you, Last rose, having to compensate for two useless parents.

I agree that she is prob testing you to see if you stick by her. I hope you can hang on in there as no one else is and teens don't disappear to planet zog at 18 but can hang around as dysfunctional adults.

I can't believe that buying bluddy choc eggs is a big deal when DSD is self harming and skiving off school, your DP needs a shake.

It must be awful for her, though, a mother who is not there for her and an atmosphere of stress and tension from everyone, though she is causing it by her behaviour, at her other home. How sad that would make you.

Does she see DP being happy and relaxed with your DCs, when he is anxious and tense with her. That would be difficult for her too.

Could you talk to her about your worries about your DCs being upset by the rows. Tell her you want your DCs childhood memories to be happy. Surely she can emapathise with that. She might take that as an opportunity to get at you through them but maybe, on the other hand, she will be a bit more considerate around them.

Is she old enough to be considering her future- taking my DCs to uni open days really opened their eyes, they could see their future and it looked exciting. She might realise that her life isn't always going to be as it is now, and it's an incentive to work a bit at school.

I do hope you can stick with it, Lastrose, that's what she needs most.

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