Bedroom dilemma - WWYD?(52 Posts)
So I live in a 3 bedroom house with my DD1(6), DH and our children DTS(2) and DD2(6 weeks). DH has 3 children from a former relationship aged 6,4 and 2 who stay at our house 4 nights a fortnight. We are currently in the middle of building our dream house, with enough bedrooms for all the kids but are at least another 6 months away from moving in, and that's if there are no delays in the building process.
Up into DD2 was born everything was fine, enough room to go around - DTS co-slept with DH and I, DSD1 slept with DD1 in the bedroom downstairs and DSS and DSD 2 shared the double bed in the spare bedroom.
But when DD2 was born we discovered that co-sleeping with them was no longer viable, as she would wake them up numerous times throughout the night and that of course meant two very tired toddlers all day long. So we had no choose but to move them into the spare bedroom.
Now the dilemma has arisen that we no longer seem to have enough room in the house for the DSC. DSD1 can of course still sleep downstairs with DD1, but the younger two no longer have anywhere to sleep
I'm not sure what we can do, as we just can't seem to find any solution to the problem, so before we put a stop to overnight visitation into the new house is complete I thought I would ask on here to see if anybody has been in this situation before and if they can offer any advise.
Thanks in advance.
Could you fit airbeds into the bedrooms? Not ideal, but as it's temporary it might work, they might find it fun, and better than them not coming
Camp beds, bunk beds sofa bed?
It will be a squeeze but if its just for 6 months its bearable.
Don't stop them staying over - that is like telling them they aren't as important as the other kids.
Swap teh double bed for 2 Single beds with trundle pull-outs in the spare room and you have room for four!
<obviously these are expensive so may not be a solution, but a variation using blow up beds etc could work?>
You would never want them to stop visiting, but does every visit have to involve an overnight stay? Am expecting to get flamed here, but too much emphasis seems to be put on 'overnighting' - it's not like a child is spending quality time with a parent while everyone's asleep, and also the cost element of the visit can be met by the NRP providing the child has their dinner before they go home.
These are great for temporary beds and very useful.
It would be totally horrid if you stopped them staying over, could cause lots of problems.
The problem with a lot of these suggestions is that there is maybe enough room in the twins room for one, but not two. And the left over child can't sleep downstairs as there is only one toilet in the house - upstairs- and they can't open the baby gate, and I feel a 2-4 year old is to young to be sleeping downstairs by themselves. So short of taking off the baby gate (Not going to happen) downstairs is not an option.
Petal I agree, but what can you do about it?
Put them in your bed and you and DH sleep in the sitting room with the baby?
I think the 4 yo would be fine downstairs - can you leave the stairgate open at night and put a pressure fit one on the upstairs 2yo bedroom so they can't get out at night?
(to clarify - 4 yo fine downstairs as they aren't alone)
Could the 6 and 4 year old sleep in the living room on a pump up bed? Then the 2 year old could be upstairs with your twins. Sorry if I've missed something - logistics not my strong point
Tiny, would it be the end of the world if overnighting was suspended til the new house is finished? It must be extremely difficult to accommodate all those children in your current home. And surely the children who live with you full time should have priority with bedrooms? I'm Assuming the visiting step children have permanent bedrooms at their mums house (ie their main residence) so surely the children who have your address as their main residence, should have permanent bedrooms too?
Petal I don't think so and DH doesn't think so, but everybody else we have mentioned it too has, so thought I might investigate other available options before committing to it. I mean it would only be for 6 months, not forever .
50balesofhey Is that the done thing these days? Do adults really give up their marital beds? I've never given up my bed for anybody, ever, and I'm not about to start now.
Notadragonofsoup A good suggestion. I will run it past DH and see what he thinks. Thank you
Sorry to have offended you, tinybluemoon, it was just an idea
Dragonofsoup makes a good suggestion.
But please don't give up your marital bed, that's just ridiculous. Is it the ex who is insisting on overnighting? My parents split when I was small; my brother and I continued to have a good relationship with our father, and I never spent a single night sleeping at his house. I don't know why we get so obsessed with overnight stays.
Thanks petal, I will show DH your post. It's great to hear from someone who hasn't slept at their fathers house and survived.
DSS18 can't seem to set foot in our house without needing to stay the night. And for years this caused DH all sorts of problems. Not bedroom space issues, but logistical challenges. If DSS could have gone back to his Mum's rather than staying the night, then he would have been in the right location for catching the school bus in the mornings. But if he stayed over with us on school nights, he and DH had to be up at the crack of dawn to drive him 20 miles to bus stop, which wasn't brilliant for either of them, especially in winter. But everyone insisted on overnighting, it overrode common sense.
I for one (as a stepmum) think its really important to have overnights. However I only have one DSD and no DCs of my own. Could you not have a bunkbed in with your DD and DSD so one could go in there and then another bed in with the twins?
Or if its an upstairs/downstairs problem move your bedroom downstairs and have the girls and one other in you room upstairs?
I just know I would be doing what I could to keep them all staying! Although I know there is disagreement over this
three 2 year olds and a 4 year old can fit in a double bed for 4 nights a fortnight for the next 6 months.
What does the dsc mother think of you not having the children overnight for at least the next six months?
Not sure what the issue is. Surely
Bed 1 - you, dh, dd2
Bed 2 - dts, the other 2 year old (if they're too little for the double, give your dd the double and get the 2 year olds on cost beds or mattresses)
Bed 3 - your dd, the 6 yo and 4 yo.
Or as someone else has suggested squeeze the 4 yo in with the 2 year olds. (cabin bed, 4 yo on top, one 2 yo on the bottom and top n tail the twins on a mattress).
It's only for 6 months!
Do you really want advice about how you can all fit in OP?
Or would you just like us all to tell you that its OK to not have your husbands children to sleep in your house?
And I'm sorry, but wtf with regard to 'the marital bed'
Your husband has three two year old children, he already had two children, and has since had another. You already had one child.
Surely when making these
children decisions you and he were aware that space may be of a premium at some point down the line?
In an ideal world you'd have a bigger house/more space. Until then you'll have to make do or risk alienating your husbands children.
What thingummybob said.
Your ha kids have as much right as yours to stay in the house.
If you stop them staying over it is pushing them out and telling them they aren't part of the family.
Thingummybob but the OP was fully aware that space may become an issue, which is why theyre having a new house built
but it wont be ready for six months, and shes wondering what to do in the meantime. The OP is having a bigger house built TO ACCOMMODATE HER STEP CHILDREN (just wanted to check everyone read this) so I dont know why shes being slated.
And as for the comment about what the ex may think about no more overnight stays for the next six months I wouldnt care a jot about the exs opinion, shes not the one having to deal with the overcrowding.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.