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why wont he stand up for me

(7 Posts)
holliec Mon 01-May-06 19:41:56

hello,im new to all this but i feel so desperate i didnt know where else to go.been married 6 years three own children,one left at home ,partner had 3,who i have looked after for 6 years .their mum had abandoned them completely before i came on the scene.the daughter now 12 has always seen me as an intruder,until about a year ago she would create a scene if we held hands.husband treats her like she was 5 years old.i have never raised my voice to her or told her of as im not allowed ,although husband does to my children.she totally ignores me except if i speak to her.found 3 page hate letter to me,i was f ing this,not normal human being,wants her dad to chuck me out and how its her mission to get rid of me and my son.have showed husband,he took her out to set her straight,i am now confined to bedroom while she laughs and jokes with him in front room.i work at home for the family as he is ill,i provide everything.no apology he wants me to get out asap...it is MY house.i feel i have wasted 6 years.i would do anything for any of the children and feel totally gutted and heartbroken

Littlefish Mon 01-May-06 20:10:06

Hi holliec - this sounds an awful situation. I don't have any experience of this, but just wanted to bump your message until someone else comes along.

holliec Mon 01-May-06 20:15:40

thanks,it is awful,i just want to go but why should i,and where to? i went to get a cup of tea and she just smiled at me as if to say ,ive won.i understand all about teenage girls ive had two of my own but i think he has let her be like this and ive just accepted it.hes just stormed in to say hes spoken to her and thats the end of it and to leave if i want.i dont argue as he has been violent before.i cant win

nuttyworkingmum Sat 06-May-06 03:24:35

Blimey,
I have no experience only that my dh has a ds from his previous relationship , we have a ds together and his ds comes and stays every weekend. hope u get the picture. I discipline him the same as my ds as they should respect it is your house and you pay the bills, provide food etc...,my dh is supportive but sometimes can misunderstand the telling off so I have to quickly explain why I`m doing the telling off etc..
I`m surprised your dh is not so supportive and I feel you should tell him exactly how you feel, I would confide in a close friend or relative or what about looking to go to relate.
I think it is really his problem.If you stood your ground and really made him listen he might be surprised to how you are feeling. Hope this might help a little , hope you are ok and find a way around this. Teenage girls can be a complete pain in the backside, I just about remember what I was like!!!

Freckle Sat 06-May-06 03:39:41

I'm not certain it is for your dh to stand up for you. I think you need to start standing up for yourself.

It is your house, you earn the money, yet you are confined to your bedroom whilst they have the run of the house? Why do you let them do this?

If your dh has been violent before, do you have any evidence of this? It sounds to me as though neither he nor his daughter have any respect for you at all and I do wonder why you are still with him. Perhaps you should agree with him that you should part, but that it is he who should go, not you.

holliec Sun 21-May-06 19:25:13

yes i know i should be stronger,he has beaten me up in front of the children 3 times,police have been involved and there are doctors reports.if i argue or say anything he gets aggressive.i have just returned from my sons football presentation where he got player of the year,i nearly burst with pride.on gettinfg home my husband ignored us.i told him that he won and he said why should i be interested (in front of my 9 yr old son).during our 1st 4 years i attended every match both his boys played rain or shine.iam scared of him and his daughter is making my life a living hell.i would have left 3 years ago but then he was diagnosed with cancer and since then his kids have been allowed to do EXACTLY what they want.i know i should end it but this is my 2nd marriage and i worked so hard to try to make it work.cant see a way out

Surfermum Sun 21-May-06 19:47:35

Holliec, this all sounds so awful for you. You shouldn't have to put up with this.

I'm sure there are some people here on mumsnet who will be able to give you some really good advice about what you can do, but I wonder if because you've posted this in step-parenting lots of people aren't reading the thread. Try starting another thread in relationships and I'm sure you'll get some more replies.

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