Me and my DP have been together for 3 and a half years, arms very happy. We have a 2 year old DS together with another boy due early March, and he has a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship.
We are a very good family unit. His daughter is here every week for half of the week and she adores her little brother as he adores her. There has never been any problems with DP's ex and everything is completely amicable.
In fact the problems lie with DP's family and their constant favouritism towards DP's daughter instead of treating them the same.
As soon as my DP has his daughter here, his mum phones to see if she can have her for the weekend without fail. He has always been soft and said yes as he gets called "tight" if he says no. He also asks if DS can go along too as he would have lots of fun but she says no as "she doesn't know him". So, my son sees his sister going off and gets very upset and worked up as he wants to go as well. She also has two other grandchildren aged 6 and 8 who she has no problems in having at hers. Also, which really grates on me, is the fact that she has two nephews aged 2 same as my DS and she will have them over at the drop of a hat.
She takes the kids out to fun places such a play areas, the park, and the zoo, but has never once been willing to take her grandson along with her. He would absolutely love it. I don't mind when she takes the kids to somewhere like the cinema or bowling as DS wouldn't enjoy it, but other places where he COULD go she only rings up to take DP's daughter and not our son. If he asks she refuses.
DS is as demanding as any toddler is. He wants to play, run around, has a paddy when he doesn't get his own way, always wants attention, etc... He is a typical 2 year old. But he is the most loving, affectionate, funny and clever little boy who if given the time of day she would see the good qualities in him, her own grandson. She has no excuse about his age; like I mentioned before she has her nephews who are the same age, but comes up with some lame excuse that she doesn't know him. If that is the case then it is her own doing as she has made a very poor effort to get to know him.
So, when DP's daughter has been there all weekend she comes home with heaps of new toys, nice new clothes, and is hyper as anything at 9 o'clock on a Sunday night. No little gifts for DS. I'm not too bothered about the material, I just want her to give her grandson some attention. One or two little things for him wouldn't go amiss so that he doesn't feel left out. Well, it doesn't surprise me anyway as she leaves him out in all ways.
Now, what makes this even more difficult for me to deal with is that me and my family have been totally by the books step parenting wise, making sure that DP's daughter never ever feels left out and is very much part of our family. My dad is practically like a grandad towards her, he loves her to bits. Every time he phones he asks how she is, and if he wants to have DS he always without fail asks to have DP's daughter too. He is decorating my old bedroom for all of the children, just in case he ever has her over night.
If my dad ever took DS out without his sister DP's family found out, they would go ballistic saying that we are leaving her out and it's not fair.
I don't know what it is. My FIL hates the way MIL is with DS but he keeps his mouth shut to keep the peace. Is it because DP's daughter is from a broken family and MIL is trying to overcompensate? Me and MIL have never ever had any problems at all.
This whole thing has really started to get to me, seeing my DS's heartbroken little face is not something I like to see. My DP has started to put his foot down, saying they come as a package and if DS misses out then so does his daughter. So with that MIL has got in touch with DP's ex after about 3 years to try and arrange things behind DP's back regarding his daughter.
His ex agrees with us.
I just want them both to be treated equally, and for MIL to acknowledge her 2 year old grandson. She will regret it in the future when he is older and he suddenly becomes a convenience as her older grandchildren will want to be with their friends and not her every weekend.
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Why is our son treated differently?
22 replies
SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 17/02/2013 07:53
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