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Step-parent, parental rights, and adoption.

(13 Posts)
PuzzleRocks Tue 12-Feb-13 20:22:44

Apologies if this is not the best place to ask. My SIL has remarried and obviously would like her DH to have parental responsibility for my nephew. My brother quite appreciates why this makes sense but is a reluctant to sign the agreement because he is afraid it will give SIL's DH a better chance of adopting which is not something he is prepared to agree to (SIL and her DH both want this).

Can anyone give me any advice or assurances that I can pass on to my brother. I want to set his mind at rest but also smooth the way for SIL and her DH as my brother will flat out refuse to sign the parental responsibility agreement if it means he could lose his son altogether.


mumandboys123 Tue 12-Feb-13 20:46:13

he doesn't need to sign it at all unless there is a sensible reason why it would make sense - for example, if the child concerned has a serious allergy and there is a chance that step-dad might need to give medical consent in an emergency, that kind of thing. Otherwise, if the child has two parents in their life and both parents are taking the responsibility of bringing up the child seriously, it is highly unlikely that a judge would grant the order if your brother objects.

PuzzleRocks Tue 12-Feb-13 20:54:38

Thanks mumandboys123, I think he is concerned that if he doesn't sign then SIL will cut contact. It was an acrimonious split and they are not on good terms at all.

ratbagcatbag Tue 12-Feb-13 20:57:51

No no no, if child has two parents then absolutely he should not allow someone else to also have PR. I have an amazing relationship with my DSS and my DH's ex, she would never give me PR and my DH woud never let his ex's DH have it either. It's not needed and there is the issue of what happens if she splits up.

No judge will allow contact to stop on the basis of a dad not allowing pr for a step parent.

PuzzleRocks Tue 12-Feb-13 21:02:46

Yes that's a concern for him, that should they split then her DH will retain responsibility.
Other than that are there any other obvious disadvantages to him signing?

ratbagcatbag Tue 12-Feb-13 21:05:42

I really don't understand the need? It means he takes equal responsibility away as well, so it will always be two versus one for any decision. I don't understand why he's even considering it.

PuzzleRocks Tue 12-Feb-13 21:10:22

I don't really know, I am trying to stay neutral for my nephew.

I will send him the link to this thread. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

ratbagcatbag Tue 12-Feb-13 21:14:43

Genuinely, don't do this, there is no need to be neutral. Done phew has two loving parents who need to make important decisions jointly, don't complicate it by having a third individual in it.

If she uses the medical argument, no doctor or hospital would deny a child treatment that was urgent if someone with PR wasn't around. I've taken DSS to dentist and drs and never ever been questioned. Even a and e for a nasty accident, I jus dealt with it all. I don't have pr and had no issues.

ratbagcatbag Tue 12-Feb-13 21:15:01

Done phew is DNephew sorry

mumandboys123 Tue 12-Feb-13 22:11:51

I think in the case of medical emergency, I was thinking more about people who's views on medicine might be 'off-centre' and who may not consent to certain procedures for their own reasons. In these cases, assuming parents are in agreement and a step-parent is also in agreement, it might make sense that an adult who is around a child very regularly is able to 'consent' on the parent's behalf.

Assuming mum is difficult and stops contact, your brother simply needs to pursue the issue through the courts immediately (no waiting around). Both Families Need Father and wikivorce can help with that - costly solicitors are not always necessary. I would seriously consider court action if he is a father in a position where step dad is overstepping the mark to the extent of pushing for adoption. Of course, I say that on the assumption that dad is involved, paying maintenance and wishes to stay involved. His arguments in court will be dissolved somewhat if he's played any tit for tat games. He will need to think 'whiter than white' if he's going to court.

Stepmooster Wed 13-Feb-13 04:23:01

Hi OP, please get your brother to seek legal advice. My DH had an acrimonious split with his ex and was being messed around regarding contact. MY DH never ended up in court because his solicitor dealt with all the silly nonesense his ex would come out with and made her realise that if it ever went to mediation/court she would need a better reason to withold contact than I don't like the dad and he won't give me what I want. I would be wary of anyone trying to take PR, absolutely do not sign anything there is no need.

Best of luck, and yes its awful fighting to see your kid BUT is definitely worth it. My DSS and DH see a lot more of each other now and you can tell they both have this great bond. They had to wait 4 years to get decent contact sorted. Don't give up xxx

sanityseeker75 Wed 13-Feb-13 09:41:41

Whilst I don't really see the need to have Step PR (I was worried about it when first heard it as often have DSC on own and have taken to hosp etc), however I am confident that even IF he agreed to it it does not replace your brothers PR and is no way a path for child to be adopted. It does mean that your SIL new DH would be responsible for child financially even if they split up.

As for withholding contact, if he seeks legal advice he should also mention that this is being used as a threat.

Best of luck

PuzzleRocks Wed 13-Feb-13 13:43:25

Apologies for not responding sooner. Thanks so much for all your replies, I will relay everything to him and keeps fingers crossed.

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