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valentines day

(10 Posts)
Kerrigan90 Tue 12-Feb-13 01:21:45

so my dp has a 14yr old dd who is lovely, we get on great, but being14 always has better plans than to see her old dad,. It seems to be working out coming to stay under duress once a fortnight with bribery! At the weekend she texts, can she come after school on Thursday and stay over. Fantastic she WANTS to stay brill....but I had a lovely romantic day planned and had been built up to nice surprises and a day to remember.

I feel like such a child and should get a grip but I'm so annoyed with DP. No doubt his ex has lovely romantic getaway planned with her fella hence the pleasure of a stay over.

Is being 2nd best something we just need to accept??

birdofthenorth Tue 12-Feb-13 08:07:36

Just have a romantic dinner the night before or after! Your DP couldn't possibly say "sorry DD I'm on a promise that night", could he?! I am a step-mum and a mum and my own planned date-night this week has also been indefinitely postponed due to unexpectedly getting DSS a day earlier so I do sympathise, but you do just have to roll with it I'm afraid... we have to be the grown ups! From 7 years of step-patenting I have learnt that getting wound up about stuff like this benefits no-one (still do sometimes though obv- we're human!)

Strongertogether Tue 12-Feb-13 08:46:12

I sympathise, I would find it very annoying. Sometimes you just need to get in there first and state that certain things are arranged and are not be changed (unless there is some kind of emergency of course). You can always do it on Friday night instead so don't get yourself wound up, just calmly tell him how you feel so he knows for next time. He has a daughter so you know he has another priority but you are important too. You shouldn't be unexpectedly pushed aside when he's made plans with you anymore than she should be unexpectedly pushed aside when he's made plans with her.

sanityseeker75 Tue 12-Feb-13 10:24:21

Ah bless it is frustrating - I have the other side, my DH wanted to go out and do something nice my son decided last night he didn't want to go to my moms so we had to cancel our plans and change valentines to Fri night instead!

As frustrating as it is - if DH had moaned to much about it I would have reminded him of all the times plans had changed due to his kids but luckily we have been doing the step family thing for that long now we just except that sometimes things change and if it is out of our control then such is life.

Try not to let it get to you too much and remember you can always change your plans to another day - showing how much you love each other doesn't have to be just on Valentines day smile

ArtexMonkey Tue 12-Feb-13 10:31:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kerrigan90 Tue 12-Feb-13 11:11:29

I know, I'm being ridiculous. Not had much to look forward to with fertility problems the past year and put too much on it after promises of a great day.

Anyway I've changed the plans, got us all new jammies, and sweets to dip in melted chocolate and see if there's some comedies on.


UC Tue 12-Feb-13 11:55:32

See it as an opportunity to do two things. Do all your lovely planned things with your DP on Weds or Fri, or even another night in the next month or so - don't cancel, just postpone. Then on Thursday, do your dipping sweets in melted chocolate etc, so you involve DSS in the romance!

sanityseeker75 Tue 12-Feb-13 11:57:45

Your not being ridiculous and sorry if I made you feel that your feelings were insignificant blush

I am not surprised if you have suffered fertility problems that having plans changed by DP's DD would feel a bit more of a slap in the face - it is just a case of picking battles that's all.

The fact that you have changed plans to include everyone and are still trying to make it special for you all actually shows what a loving and considerate person you are and that your DP (and his DD) are lucky to have you grin

theredhen Tue 12-Feb-13 12:31:53

My personal feelings on valentines day is that it's overrated and commercialised.

However, for some people it's a very important day and if your DP knows how important it is for you, I think he was wrong to agree to have DD over. If however, you were planning on surprising him and he wasn't aware how important the day is for you, then I suppose you can't really blame him for being blissfully unaware.

I completely understand the feeling of being second best knowing that because you are not biological mum you cannot just decide to make plans for Valentines day and feel confident that someone else will look after your kids. If I were you I would make the best of it, enjoy DSD company and ask DP to make Friday your Valentines night instead (which will be better as it's the weekend and restaurants will be cheaper etc.)

I have had 5 kids every valentines day but one (when I was on holiday with my DS) since I met DP nearly 5 years ago, this year, we only have 2! Meaning ex wife will actually have some of her children on valentines day this year. shock

Kerrigan90 Tue 12-Feb-13 21:32:40

sanityseeker not at all.
Yep will be a good day. I know its another hallmark commercialised celebration but I love it ha, like a big kid at Christmas! Can't complain I do regularly get flowers, massages, cute notes left on fridge just had a bit of a crazy hormonal moment this week blush

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