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Anyone suspected the DH ex exaggerates DSC health condition for attention?

(111 Posts)
dignifiedsilence Wed 16-Jan-13 18:10:30

Please see my other post re past experience.
I feel bad even thinking this but this but its 1 big drama when this child is ill on her mothers part. There's always 'bits' added on about when she is ill and 'how ill' she is. She has a headache and is rushed to the doctor. She has difficulty breathing, put on oxygen, chest xray clear but doctors sent her home because she lives so close to the hospital (really? if she was that ill would they let her home?) She's not disabled nor special needs but is dealt with like she has a terminal illness by her mother. Sounds harsh but I'm sure I'm not alone in this.
Anyone else want to share?

elliebellys Sun 20-Jan-13 12:50:32

Dignified,your posts are disgracefull.its not so much sm venting,its attacking the mum on every post,just cos you despise her.are you a doctor by the way?,all these diagnosis your doing.there are not many posts that really get me angry,but yours has managed it..

Astley Sun 20-Jan-13 12:55:16

Haha saladcream that isvery sensible. We have wellies etc at the IL's so when we go down there and the weather changes we are prepared.

Wellies are about £3 in the supermarket. Why would you not have your own set anyway? Just so if the ones at their Mothers house spilt or they misplace them you actually have a pair?

I just don't get why anyone would expect the Mother to provide everything. And then bitch about it when she doesn't.

AndieDisestablishment Sun 20-Jan-13 12:55:48

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Astley Sun 20-Jan-13 12:58:33

Do you really resent the idea of spending £3 of wellies so she doesn't have to?

slowlycatchymonkey Sun 20-Jan-13 12:59:10

Andie I think you've take Astleys post out of context completely. I also fail to see how it's mums fault the kids don't have wellies?? How would she know they were needed that weekend? Did dad ask for them specifically?

DreamsTurnToGoldDust Sun 20-Jan-13 13:10:51

Of course you should have wellies at your house along with all other clothes, underware etc, that's just silly to complain over that.

Astley Sun 20-Jan-13 13:14:19

Exactly, surely it's just common sense with children to have spares. Next you'll be complaining she doesn't send them with a packlunch for the weekend hmm

FogClearing Sun 20-Jan-13 13:25:05

Woo, do sm threads normally go from moaning calling Mothers mhbp abusers, to wellygate type moans as a regular occurance?

If I was with a Man who had a mhbp ex, I would worry about what kind of Man he was and what work he had done in himself between relationships.

Petal02 Sun 20-Jan-13 13:27:56

The problem is that some (but not all) mothers despatch their children off for access weekends without even sensible basics. My DH's ex would send DSS to us without his winter coat, or with only his trainers during bad weather. She did it deliberately, so that DH would have to purchase extra coats/shoes etc. It's not practical to have two full sets of shoes/clothes at each house, particularly when access is on an EOW basis. I used to suggest to DH that he drove over to his ex's house to collect the missing shoes/coat, but he wouldn't do it, for fear of 'rocking the boat'. The ex knew this, and used it fully to her advantage. Before I met DH, he took his children away for a week's holiday, and the ex didn't pack any clothes for either of them, they were despatched in the set of clothes they were wearing. DH was foolish enough not to argue, and had to get both of them a week's worth of clothes, just to avoid rocking the boat (again).

MerryCouthyMows Sun 20-Jan-13 13:28:12

As an aside - there ISN'T an age limit for diagnosis of asthma. It is usually based on the amount of hospital admissions with asthma-type symptoms, or breathing difficulties.

My DS2 was dxd with asthma at just 7 months old by his respiratory consultant after his fourth admissions to Paeds ICU for breathing difficulties.

At 9yo, he is on a VERY high dose of inhalers and has to take his reliever at regular intervals during the day.

His Dad (my Ex) takes this just as seriously as I do. Thankfully. But having your child on oxygen and nebulisers in hospital 24 times in 9 years helps to sharpen your mind.

If any new partner of his decided that it was just an 'overreaction' on my part, and started accusing me of Muchausen's by proxy, I would have to give serious consideration to insisting on contact in a contact centre or outside but without her present, to ensure the medical well being of my DS2.

Ditto for our DS3's dxd serious allergies.

wouldulikeit Sun 20-Jan-13 13:39:10

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RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 20-Jan-13 13:42:54


Nowhere else on MN (with the exception of AIBU) can a poster call the OP and those who agree with her 'twisted' with impunity.
You may disagree - but personal attacks are accepted here like nowhere else on MN.


We're going to go through this thread now for personal attacks.

But please - could you report any that you see? We're only aware of this thread because one person reported a post on it (not for a personal attack, either).

We're a post-moderated site. We don't see personal attacks if you don't report them. We absolutely don't treat the Step-Parenting board any differently from any other (and that goes for AIBU too!)


Petal02 Sun 20-Jan-13 13:46:11

I think it's completely logical for SM's to post on a board that deals with step parenting issues, surely you want to discuss issues with others in a similar position? If you want to discuss fishing (for example) you'd most likely read a "fishing" thread to find other people who go fishing??? You wouldn't post your query on a cake-icing thread .......

voddiekeepsmesane Sun 20-Jan-13 13:54:13

And to add to Petal's post, although you may have opinions about fishing, you really can not be knowledgeable unless you have actually fished.

NotaDisneyMum Sun 20-Jan-13 13:56:07

likeit Have you seen the venom directed at ex partners and OW on the LP board?

Why aren't LP subject to the same moderation by yourself because the sole purpose of those threads is to vent/skag off about their ex?

Talk about double standards!

elliebellys Sun 20-Jan-13 14:32:50

Nadm,there is a difference between slaggin off exs nd comin on these threads and diagnosin medical conditions.,and accusin people of making up conditions.its disgracefull..

MeaninglessStrife Sun 20-Jan-13 14:41:23

'Before I met DH, he took his children away for a week's holiday, and the ex didn't pack any clothes for either of them, they were despatched in the set of clothes they were wearing. DH was foolish enough not to argue, and had to get both of them a week's worth of clothes, just to avoid rocking the boat (again).'

And on the flip side of that, when Ex was allowed overnight contact with the children, he took them away for a week over the summer. I spent approx £150 on new holiday clothes, sandals etc. Around half of it was returned, and what was returned had clearly been washed at high temps and then tumble dried - shrunk so badly that none of it fitted. if it had been accidental and he'd offered to replace any of it then fair enough. But cheered on by OW he laughed in my face when i asked him to replace it. 'If' he is ever allowed overnight contact again, I won't be sending any spare clothes. And the children understand the reasons why.

NotaDisneyMum Sun 20-Jan-13 14:44:15

Tut, tut - how dare we have an opinion!

Why is it disgraceful that I think my DSC mum made up DSS medical condition - but it's perfectly acceptable for a Mum on the LP board to accuse her ex of lying about his income? What's the difference?

elliebellys Sun 20-Jan-13 14:58:49

So do only sm s oppinions count then,fgs this is gettin petty on here lately.whenever someone has a different oppinion its always sm always get picked on. Card.

lunar1 Sun 20-Jan-13 15:04:45

How on earth did these mums cope before all these perfect sm's came into the picture.

I'm a senior hospital sister dh is a consultant, didn't stop us rushing to a&e thinking our pfb had meningitis. We were wrong.

My school friend was sent into school for 2 days because her consultant parents missed her broken wrist.

Anyone can make a mistake, anyone can over react. Especially if you are alone most of the time with children. It's not just something people dream up to piss off perfect sm's, it's called being human and imperfect.

millie30 Sun 20-Jan-13 15:05:16

I think the OP's list of nicknames for her DP's ex would have been just as horrid if they had been posted by a lone parent about a new woman actually. It was also the relish with which other SMs were invited to 'share' their tales and mock the mothers attiudes to their DCs being ill which I think has led some posters to disagree. Not all posts criticising a SM are SM bashing, sometimes they are just 'unpleasant OP' bashing.

NotaDisneyMum Sun 20-Jan-13 15:09:38

ellie SM aren't naive enough to think that we're much loved members of society (or MN) but there are some people who have no direct contact with a step situation who watch the step-boards for opportunities to hound SMs - for all the reasons that are well documented and regularly discussed here!

My point is that most MN users will tolerate, accept and sympathise when a lone parent, or parent of an SN child/teen/multiples are having a bad day and type things that may generalise or not reflect readers own experience. That same courtesy is not extended to Stepmums.

FogClearing Sun 20-Jan-13 15:14:10

Am I as a step child, with dc with a sm qualified allowed to post on step parenting part of MN?

saladcreamwitheverything Sun 20-Jan-13 15:16:16

Meaningless that reads as if your not gonna allow access cos of a laundry issue!! Hope that's not the case :-/

I'd love to be able to take my DSS away for the weekend/week. We wouldn't have any laundry mishaps as we have clothes for him to wear when he stays with us (she sends him in tat).

I can't believe how much bitterness goes on between exes. Just feel sorry for the kids :-(

NotaDisneyMum Sun 20-Jan-13 15:16:54

millie that's a good point - I didn't read the OP like that but I can see that it might have been.

Stepmum and MIL threads seem to bring out the worst in people (me included) - but sometimes it would be nice to be able to vent 'being a stepmum is crap sometimes ' and not worry about being called twisted by complete strangers whose motive is to make me feel worse.

I vent about how hard it is parenting my DD too - and I'm not called an evil/wicked mum - so presumably I'm not all bad !

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