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As a step mum is it unreasonable to think about future dc -one on the way!

(7 Posts)
DiscoDomina Mon 07-Jan-13 13:20:36

I have been step mum to ds 7 and dd for 2 yrs, they spend most weekends with us and pretty much always have done. DH and I are lucky that we have an excellent relationship with his ex, especially as he ended marriage to be with me.
We are expecting our first child together at the end of this month! I'm obviously stupidly excited. Everybody is very pleased us and can't wait for our new arrival- although PIL have made a few comments that " you won't want to do it again " and " the sensible ones only do it once". I appreciate that it will be DHs third dc and he Is 6 yrs older, but I'm only 31 and as an only child who has always hated the idea of having just 1 child, I know I have SDC but it's not the same as having your own babies is it? Feel like i'm being told to be happy with my lot and be grateful for one dc of my 'own'. Even DH has made noises now that he's not keen to have anymore. I just feel a little gutted that my first dc will be my last especially when DH and I had always talked about having children plural.

HappyJustToBe Mon 07-Jan-13 13:25:23

Nothing has to be decided now. I always wanted lots of children, being from a big family. Now I have 19mo DD I don't feel the urge to have more and my DH certainly doesn't. Keep talking but don't feel you have to decide everything now.

Congratulations grin

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Mon 07-Jan-13 13:36:16

Honestly, I would not spoil this pregnancy by worrying about things that far in the future. People say all manner of stupid things and you have no idea how your DH will feel in a couple of years (neither does he). Don't mention it at all, just continue to think that your plans will be as they were before and if it's mentioned by him or his parents just say that you'd rather not discuss that, you want to focus on this pregnancy/this baby smile

N0tinmylife Mon 07-Jan-13 13:40:15

I agree with what the others have said, enjoy this baby, then think about everything else afterwards. Whatever happens your DC won't grow up as an only child as they already have two siblings. Congratulations!

Ginberry Mon 07-Jan-13 23:07:47

Speaking as someone who has been the OW whose DP left his marriage to be with, and also as a mother of 2 DCs who now have a baby half-sibling, I'd say what on earth is wrong with the people around you expecting you to be content with "just" one baby? You knew when you encouraged your DH to leave his wife what you were getting, i.e. a man with 2 children to maintain. You're fortunate enough to have your own baby arriving soon AND a gracious exW to boot! Unless your exH is very well off and has oodles of energy, it's perfectly reasonable - some would say sensible - to call his third child his last. If you weren't going to be happy with only one child of your own then perhaps you should have looked harder for someone without prior commitments?

DiscoDomina Mon 07-Jan-13 23:34:51

Ginberry I certainly never encouraged DH to leave his wife that is a decision he arrived at on his own. One of the many reasons why he did decide to leave his ex is that he wanted to have a life and a family with me. He also knew he was leaving for a younger childless woman who wanted her own family - that has always included the DSC. I would say myself that it might be unreasonable of me if it wasn't something that we had both discussed at length at the start of our relationship.

I am definitely going to follow others advice and enjoy the arrival of my much anticipated little baby and see how we both feel in the future!

Ginberry Tue 08-Jan-13 06:06:22

Well if he originally said he would have more than one child with you and has changed his tune then that is different. But you're being extremely disingenuous in saying you didn't encourage him to leave his wife. When a young childless woman who wants a family has an affair with a married man who has young kids, she is encouraging him to leave his family. Fact. You do yourself no favours by playing the innocent after the fact.

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