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Double standards for the Evil Stepmum...long winge

(72 Posts)
coolmango Sat 22-Dec-12 03:53:17

DSD8 and myself have been fine but occasionally DSD does make disparaging and hurtful comments towards me.

Tonight, after a stressful week at work and all day of ignoring said comments I did explode and say 'ENOUGH' in the KFC car park. DP then decided to throw his meal in my footwell and drive off.

It was trivial what DSD had said. Apparently my armpits need a lawnmower to get through them, (they don't by the way), but this had been said, at full volume around ASDA previous and it was wearing thin with me by then. DP did not pull her up about it, even though he does this if my DS14 or DD4 are rude to him.

He drove off, in true P'eed off man speed because as usual, I was just being a moody b**ch. He is now in bed after cooing over DSD and telling her that I have been 'hormonal'.

I am so sick of his pandering to DSD whilst chastising my children, (as the other adult in the house I believe he should be respected), that I am ready to walk.......tell him to F ......oh he can take the Fing dog as well.

I just don't get it...his parenting skills with my kids and we are on the same page.

Once a fortnight he turns into someone who I do not respect as a parent or a partner.

Crap parenting: eg: DSD8 eats with her mouth open and cannot use a knife and fork.

DSD8 does not eat ANY fruit or veg.....I will hide this in her food when cooking

DP finds it funny that both himself and DSD chuck McDonalds, or other litter out of the window of the car after eating, (I hate littering),. This probably explains why DSD does not pick up after herself.

DP / DSD will often spend the entire weekend in PJs. Usually eating sweeties.

DP/ DSD find it funny to PUMP in my face, even though I have told them I do not like it.

DP hates when my DD4 whinges and has a singy songy voice yet is completly hypnotises by his own daughter who has 'that voice' all weekend.

DSD has a rather strange fixation upon her Dad. Every fortnight her private parts are ' irritated' and she calls him up to the bathroom to apply Sudocreme.

DSD had a thing about only sleeping with DP on the sofa..I have now changed that but..he now has to put his t-shirt on her and then when he goes to bed, another one next to her.

In the morning they have to have 'bed time cuddles'. I have to be out of the room for this. This can go on for over an hour and DP can't understand why I get so P'd off when I am trying to get ready for the day.

DSD is great when she is just with me .......DP turns her into a blathering idiot and both her parents need to teach her some manners. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh. I think that the double standards in line with what I expect from my children and the obvious 'can do no wrong' from DPs own child are going to cause many a night of friction in the future.

PoppyPrincess Sun 23-Dec-12 00:33:01

I don't mean to add to all the hysteria but out of my 3 closest friends how many would you think have been fiddled with by a close family member?....all 3!!! A dad, an uncle and a BIL.
All I'm saying is it goes on A LOT more than most people think it does. I was friends with all of them whilst it was going on and I didn't know a thing and that really scares me.

LucieMay Sun 23-Dec-12 01:00:10

Massive abuse alarm bells ringing here. :/

MrsMushroom Sun 23-Dec-12 01:06:51

Mango you're not responding to the people who are telling you that there are MASSIVE red flags for an abusive situation here. WHAT are you doing about it?

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Sun 23-Dec-12 01:35:59

"You are all acting as if the sudocream/cuddles issue is being caused by the child ?"

erm, what posts are you talking about?

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Sun 23-Dec-12 01:39:09

"I agree nilelt, some of the replies here are pretty disturbing. "

and which posts are you talking about?

ChelseaSmiles Sun 23-Dec-12 02:17:20

Mango are you ok? Have a talk with DP and maybe let him read this thread about how creepy the cream thing is and the morning cuddles? It doesn't sound right and could be something more serious?

AKissIsNotAContract Sun 23-Dec-12 02:41:45

"I agree nilelt, some of the replies here are pretty disturbing. "

and which posts are you talking about?

On my phone so not easy to quote properly but I'll try:

'It sounds like she likes being looked after, being babied etc'

No it sounds like she's being abused.

'Your DSD is going to grow up to be a very entitled and spoiled (unbearable) girl if your DP keeps pandering to her like this.'

'Leave him. He and his kids sound foul'

As well as the ones calling him a Disney dad and focusing on him dropping litter rather than the welfare of the child.

Xalla Sun 23-Dec-12 05:50:47

I don't know, I think it may be that the child is instigating it. I think at times, little girls can be very jealous of their SM's relationship with their Dad and then act out in (totally inappropriate) ways to compete with that relationship.

Sometimes I think that's what my DSD is doing.

What I find really worrying here though is that Dad seems to be encouraging the behaviour instead of stamping on it.

Xalla Sun 23-Dec-12 05:56:13

I agree with Chelsea btw Mango; consider letting your DP read this thread so he can see how others perceive his relationship with his DD.
I hope you're OK too....

TheCatInTheHairnet Sun 23-Dec-12 06:08:10

This is a load of bollocks.

ethelb Sun 23-Dec-12 09:16:32

@thecat you mean it's not true ? Or people are over reacting? Or the dad is behaving inappropriatly? Which is it?

Incrediblemeee Sun 23-Dec-12 10:16:54

It's called covert emotional incest, Patricia Love wrote an excellent book on the topic, basically fathers wooing their children, out of guilt or loneliness, so called mini wives as it usually is a father daughter relationship, can of course be mother son dynamic as well. No need to call police here, I think, we had similar issues, I.e. dh getting looks as if "boyfriend" etc. we had some serious talks , read several books and are now going to counseling to guide him and us through this. Can be fixed if dads cooperate.

fuzzpig Sun 23-Dec-12 10:27:44

Euwww sad

Kids getting in your bed in the morning for cuddles - normal (whether step- or bio-DCs)
You being forced out of the room for an hour - at best, just plain rude and disrespectful to you - at worst, sinister.

What would happen if you arranged a surprise activity that meant you all had to get up early? Eg no time for cuddles... How would he react?

akaemmafrost Sun 23-Dec-12 10:37:46

I would leave this man in a second. I simply could not like let alone love someone who behaved like this and I am afraid I would have ripped his head off (figuratively) a long time ago re his "parenting" of MY dc.

He sounds utterly revolting.

strumpetpumpkin Sun 23-Dec-12 10:37:49

i think it sounds very very dodgy. Scary

akaemmafrost Sun 23-Dec-12 10:40:38

Do you think so thecat? Makes me so angrywhen I respond to THOSE threads angry!

MrsMushroom Sun 23-Dec-12 11:09:32

xalla no. Little girls do not understand how to flirt you are disgusting for that comment about her instigating it...SHE IS A CHILD AND THEY DO NOT INSTIGATE ANYTHING SEXUAL.

Merrycuckingfistmas Sun 23-Dec-12 11:26:49

Op did say dsd asks her dad to apply the cream, dsd is the one who wants op out of the room when she has cuddles.

Sounds like she is extremely jealous of her dads relationship with you op, it probably isn't sexual, she just craves dads attention.

If dp let's her get away with this there is problem, if I were you op, I think I would try to make sure welfare of dsd is ok then leave to be honest as dp probably wont ever change for fear of upsetting and possibly not seeing his dd.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Sun 23-Dec-12 11:31:27

Are you the poster who has ongoing problems with your partner and his daughter? Them ganging up on you, no respect for you, some weird dynamic between the two of them? Her personal hygiene, etc etc.

You post about it on a regular basis and then disappear again and pop up later with a variation on a theme having done nothing at all about it?

If this is you, then I'm sorry, but you're choosing this life. You're choosing to stay. Why do you do this to yourself? If you make the choice to stay in this situation, then you have to accept that this is your life.

If you can't accept that - then do something to change it.

What you can't do, is stay in this situation and moan about it.

You have to accept your choice.

MrsMushroom Sun 23-Dec-12 12:11:20

mERRY Unless you understand the very complicated psychological problems that victims of abuse have, don't comment like that.

Her Dad touching her there is not even if she asks. He's an adult and a fool would know that.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn Sun 23-Dec-12 12:15:49

What HEC said.

TalkativeJim Sun 23-Dec-12 12:17:23

Is that you boxy?

ArtexTheHallWithBoughsOfMonkey Sun 23-Dec-12 12:24:14

I wondered that Hec.

On the off chance this is real, I can only echo what MrsMushroom said. Blaming an abusive dynamic on the victim, especially when the victim is a CHILD, is utterly repellent.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Sun 23-Dec-12 12:36:27

Boxy is real too. It's not that she's not.

It's that she chooses to stay in this really unhealthy relationship and just keeps coming back with the same thing over and over and over. Never takes in anything that's said and never makes changes in her life.

There's a limit to how much people can do that before they really have to just accept the life they've chosen.

I know! grin

Xalla Sun 23-Dec-12 12:40:08


I never used the word 'flirting'.

I don't think there's anything sexual about this child's behaviour; I think she's probably very jealous of her step-mum and in response to that is mimicing what she sees as intimate behaviour in order to compete; essentially I think she's attention seeking but the real problem is that her Dad is validating those behaviours. Which qualifies him as abusive.

That's my take on the cuddling anyway. I have a different explanation for the Sudocreme stuff based on my experience with my own DSD but I'll pm the OP to offer that as I'll no doubt get flamed for it on here...

So as for your accusation of me sexualising an 8 year old; right back at you.

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