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Advice on PR

(3 Posts)
bluebell8782 Mon 10-Dec-12 12:40:22

Hello everyone - not sure if this is the best section to ask for this advice but just thought I'd sound you out.

My DH has a 9yr DD. He split with his ex 5 years ago - I wasn't involved with the break-up. The agreement between them was for DH to have his DD every other weekend, mid-week contact was difficult as DH at the time of the split had to stay with his parents quite far away, Boxing Day and some days during holiday time (DH is self-employed so would be on an 'as and when' basis)..

It wasn't until a couple of years ago that my DH realised he didn't have PR. He is on the birth certificate, but was not married and DD was born before December 2003.

Contact is difficult. DH's weekends are cut short without explanation or permission. He was not allowed to watch DD horse-ride in the summer even on 'his' weekends which meant he didnt get to see her till Saturday afternoons. Last Christmas we were told DD had 'family commitments' which meant we couldnt see her till after New Year. DH did kick off but nothing changed. This year he asked to have DD for Boxing Day as usual but the ex has done it again and said no - we can have her on the 27th and 28th which is better but not good enough. No communication about school, not told about events, school photos etc... Looked into that bit and they won't send him any info as he doesn't have PR which means he has to rely on the ex to relay information - which she doesn't. I know their split wasn't great, obviously two sides to the story but after 5 years to still behave the way she does is quite frustrating to say the least! Lots and lots of examples but just wanted to give you a bit of an idea of what it's like - I'm sure many of you can understand!

We have very little money, earn too much for Legal Aid but too little to afford court and mediation. DH has tried to fight the things the ex does - has tried to pick his battles but without any legal standing what can you do?

I have managed to save £200 for his application to the court for PR but my question is - is it worth doing? It doesn't mean he will be able to see his DD more (he'll have to apply for a contact order which we just can't afford) but it does mean the school can send him information and he is recognised as a parent in legal eyes which he should be as his right as a good father! We risk antagonising the situation - with what gain?

Is it worth DH gaining PR just because he 'should' have it as a parent but risk inflaming the situation? It would cover all events as well such as medical problems and also if anything should happen to her mum there wouldnt be any problems in having DSD live with us. Should we just ride it out until DD is old enough to decide if she ever wanted to live with us - which might be likely (not just saying that - she finds her mum quite difficult and she loves her dad!). If we do just ride it out DH runs the risk of missing out on even more of her childhood... Any advice on whether this is worth going ahead with? Sorry this is a little rambly - just trying to get my thoughts down...

Thanks for reading!

NotaDisneyMum Mon 10-Dec-12 16:56:01

Even with PR, getting schools to share info with a NRP can be difficult - usually, a school will either keep a NRP informed regardless of whether or not they have PR because it is the right thing to do, or they struggle to do so even when both parents have PR and the split has happened while the DC was at school.

The DfE guidance to schools is clear - they should keep parents informed regardless of whether PR is in place. The only exception is when court orders are in place to protect the DC.

The fact that your DP is being excluded by your DSD school suggests that they are looking for an excuse not to engage with him - they probably know that his ex will get stroppy. I doubt it would change if he had PR.

I'm not sure what he'd gain from PR unless he wanted to apply for a contact order.

bluebell8782 Mon 10-Dec-12 17:54:48

Thanks NADM..I don't think he is being actively excluded iyswim..I'm not sure if the school even know of his existance. This is a fairly new school for DSD and I don't know what ex has told them.
We checked school website and it did say that they wouldnt discuss matters with anyone that didn't have that wrong of them?
No court orders against I said before always two sides to a story but I'm struggling to understand why she is being like this even if it was a bad break up.
Would like to one day have a contact order so thought this would be a good start..maybe it would inflame unneccessarily..I don't know..parents have it for a reason so it seems right that he has it..just unsure of the gain.

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