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Losing contact with my kids half brother

(10 Posts)
Xalla Wed 05-Dec-12 13:10:21

I think it's possible to put a contact in order in place that states that the cost of travel must be shared by both parents, especially if one parent chooses to leave the country / move far away following separation.

So it could be said that Mum must make X available to Dad for whatever amount of time and split equally the travelling costs involved. Might be worth looking into? I think your DC's status as the child's sibling might reinforce such an application?

purpleroses Wed 05-Dec-12 09:07:26

Thanks - just checked and yes her country is covered by the Hague convention, but still don't see that anyone would actually be able to force her to bring the child over here for regular visits would they?

He's been an active dad with my two, but he's had everything on a plate really. I always encouraged regular contact and overnight stays. He's never had to fight for anything, and I'm not at all sure that he would. And even if he did, the distance and costs involved are too great for him ever to be a real part of his DS's life, still less for my DCs to see their brother.

NotaDisneyMum Tue 04-Dec-12 21:58:37

Your ex could challenge his stbDW desire to leave the country with his DS,; and if she was granted permission, it is possible for an order to put in place (under the Hague convention) to ensure that contact is maintained within the family, including with your DC's - but it does depend which country she is returning to.

I'm sure it wouldn't be a cheap option, but if he has been an active Dad with your DC's is there any reason to think he'll want to be less involved with his youngest DS?

theredhen Tue 04-Dec-12 17:53:14

I know it's sad but you can't do anything more than support them and be there for them. This might not be the right thing to say but I think if prefer it to happen now rather than later when baby is older and there's even more Of an attachment. hmm

purpleroses Tue 04-Dec-12 17:14:44

Redhen - I do the same with my kids grandparents, and that's always worked fine. But I'm not close to his DW really. And what kind of relationship can my kids possibly have with a half-brother who's 12 hours flight away? It's not somewhere I'd have any other reason to go to visit, and I'm certainly not on the sort of terms where I'd have her to stay here.

purpleroses Tue 04-Dec-12 17:11:20

I don't know much about my ex's rights, though assume that his DW will get permission to take the baby if she wants - she's not worked since having him, whilst my ex has worked. She'd have family to support her there, and not much here.

Not sure about skyping, etc - my kids use skype, but their brother's only a year old, so too young really. He'll soon forget who they are sad

Not sure how amicalbe things will be between them - my ex is generally reasonable with me, but then I've never really given him reason not to be. But even if things are amicable, I don't see any way that the kids will see their brother unless his mum brings him over here to visit - and I don't think a court could force her to do that, could it?

My ex might manage to afford to get out there, say once a year, but he's not likely to be able to afford to take the kids with him. He's never taken them there yet. His DW's family have never wanted much to do with my kids, or really acknowledged their existance, so don't see them putting them up for a visit.

Might try and talk to my ex about it - though imagine he must be pretty cut up about it and I'm struggling not to feel emotional myself about it right now, and what affect it's going to have on my DCs sad

theredhen Tue 04-Dec-12 17:03:40

How do you get on with her? Could you bypass your ex and deal directly with her? Maybe on Skype or just sending emails from the kids?

I did that with a lot of family (ds cousins and aunts and uncles) after Ex and I split because he was too lazy to bother to take his ds to see his own family. hmm

sanityseeker75 Tue 04-Dec-12 16:53:36

I don't think there is a good answer to that - how very sad. I know he is very young at the moment but with modern technology as he gets older maybe Dad could set up skype or the likes? In meantime could they send picture albums when he visits or see him when dad brings him back to this country - I suppose a lot will depend on the regularity of Dads contact with half brother and how amicable the split is??? Where is her home country, wouldn't courts grant contact order including brothers and sisters (I was told if anything happened to me then DH would only be likely to be able to see DS if we had a child together so he could argue maintain contact with child not him?). May be to early to tell but what does Ex H say about it?

SnowWhiteWinter Tue 04-Dec-12 15:51:58

Is he not likely to try and stop her taking their one year old baby overseas?

purpleroses Tue 04-Dec-12 15:13:15

DD told me today that her dad is probably getting divorced from his DW. Ex's DW has never been close to my kids despite them spending 2 nights a week there. But they're very fond of their 1 year old half brother. Ex's DW is from abroad and likely to take the baby back to her home country. Very unlikely my ex will have the money to take my DCs out to visit so they are probably facing never seeing him again sad

I'm at a loss for what to say to them. Doesn't seem anything at all I can do to make things better for them.

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