OMG Really!!!

[Ray75]

I'm in a bit of shock tonight...to cut a long story short DPs ex is a typical use kids for money ex, anyway tonight she text him asking that as oldest DSS (lives with us full time) is spending 2 days with her over Xmas, would he give her money to cover any expenses for him!!!!!!
Am I wrong to think this is awful, it's not the money I care about but this is her child her first baby and she is saying she can't dig deep to serve up an extra dinner!! She doesn't have any financial responsibity for him at all, Jesus I would go with out the bloody meal myself for my child.
I get sick of this old fashioned view from some that the ex husbands should have ALL the financial responsibility, it is both parents job, yes 1 may have the ability to do a higher percentage of it than another same with everyday care but you both have it, parental and financial duties don't we?

[Revelsarethebest]

Jesus!

I would text her back saying that your not willing to sub her for a two day stay and if she cant afford for your DSS to stay for two days over xmas, then thats not a problem as he can stay at home!

But then again im a bitch like that and take no prisioners!

[ohfunnyface]

That's shocking.

Does she just want money for food?

[PoppyPrincess]

Omg if it was the other way round then he'd be having to pay her maintenance plus feed DS whilst he was staying with him. Do mums not have to pay dads child maintenance?

[sausagesandwich34]

my ex asks the same thing when he has dcs

I laugh

[Xalla]

Shameless! Please don't tell us she gets the CB for your DSS too?!

My friends' DH's ex once asked for an extra £5 for each extra day she had her DD outside the contact arrangement. And then went on to say that a 'day' was to be defined as '4 hours or more'!

[RonnyJotten]

I doubt she will be getting child benefit if her son lives 'fulltime' with his dad and the Op

OP what , is their a joint custody agreement in place?

If the mum as you suggest has sparse contact because as you say he 'lives with you fulltime' ....maybe she is in a bad place and is skint and is panicking over how she will make Christmas special for him

[StaceymReadyForNumber3]

That's ridiculous. Although I have yet to meet somebody who expects their XH to take full financial responsibility for the dcs. Normally people would just like them to pay somewhere near half. (or anything if they don't pay at all)

£38 a week for 2 dcs, grumble grumble

[theredhen]

I've seen a non paying non resident dad of this. Mum was on income support, and sent a weekends worth of food for her kids, which the ex helped himself to too!

[Ray75]

So DSS is with us full time (no offical time at DMs at all) this started a little while ago as she decided she wanted Maintenance for the other 2 Skids to go thorugh CSA instead of as a private arrangement, upto this point she still had Child Benefit book for oldest Skid even though at that time he was with us 60% and her 40%. DP was then advised he must claim the CB book otherwise they will calculate maintenance for oldest too. He explained this to her and said he would give back the £81 but had to hold the book.
Later it became apparent to her that this would affect other benefits she gets too so with that she told DSS he couldnt live at hers at all. (never even discussed it with us, DSS just turned up telling us this was now the case) poor kid what a rejection to get...:(
Anyway I hear whats said about being skint etc but we all know xmas is coming so even if you put a bit aside each month all year you should not be needing extra money to feed your child for 2 days!! she lives well by the way, nice house, holidays, eats out most weekends with the other kids etc. I have a feeling this is about her squeezing DP as usual. She is very vocal about any financial spends we may make that get reported back....
As said, we dont get maintenence for having DSS full time, plus we have the other 2 40% of the time
What ever her motive I worry about the impact on DSS, as a teenager and quite selfish as they all are I dont think he delves to deeply into how he feels about all this but I know it will hit him later in life, he has said to me that I cant stay at Mums Because my presence doesnt generate any income!!!.....

[RonnyJotten]

really?

he has said 'I can't stay at Mums Because my presence doesn't generate any income'? are those his words or those of his fathers?

why are you calling them Skids? it makes it sound like you have no respect for them?

Does the mother have a regular income from employment? I sounds like you don't her or her kids much?

If she is on 'benefits' she will be struggling to provide a 'brillant' Christmas for 3 children.

[RonnyJotten]

*like

I've read this now about 20 times and each and everytime it reads as if it yourself and your DP who are concerned about money and treat the children as sources of financial gain/drain?

[allnewtaketwo]

"Does the mother have a regular income from employment? I sounds like you don't her or her kids much?

If she is on 'benefits' she will be struggling to provide a 'brillant' Christmas for 3 children"

You see, I never see this sort of sympathy for non resident fathers who pay nothing and ask for money to feed their own children a meal

[elliebellys]

What is wrong with some people?.even on benefits is it 2 much to provide for 2 days.i certainly wouldnt ask anyone to help provide food.especially if it was an irregular occurance.why isnt his mum providing regular maintenance.?

[mummytime]

Skids I assume means step kids? A bit of a bad acronym but not fatal (I do call my children kids sometime, not on mumsnet of course).

[ladydeedy]

I think the maintenance piece needs to be addressed overall and done through the proper channels, i.e. CB paid to your DH for the child that lives with you. And maintenance done via CSA for both parents. I.e. mum needs to pay your DH for her portion (for the child that lives with you) and your DH pays the right contribution for the children he has that live with her for 60% of the time. That way it's all clarified.
Am horrified at the idea of having to give her money to feed a child for two days. Would she ask them same of a parent whose child came over for tea or for an overnight?
As we often hear on here, children are not "pay per view". She doesnt need to make it a "brilliant" christmas, as someone else has commented on here. He needs to have a meaningful time with her and his other siblings. It's very sad.

[Ray75]

Its good to see both reactions to this, Ladydeedy that is very true and the point i was tying to make, you say it better:

"As we often hear on here, children are not "pay per view". She doesnt need to make it a "brilliant" christmas, as someone else has commented on here. He needs to have a meaningful time with her and his other siblings. It's very sad"

RonnyJotten - I care very much for my 'Step children' the term Skids is just a lazy typing abrieviation its not meant to be derogatory in any way, i'll avoid that in future :) and your assumption that the children are a financial gain/drain is crazy and off point
I totally understand wanting to make christmas good for children, everyone feels like that but if you have your heart set on a certain type of christmas whether that gifts/going away etc and there are costs associated with that then plan ahead for it, save/sacrifce etc, there seems to be an assumption the NRP home don't have to do that and they do.

[RonnyJotten]

how old is your DS1

sorry about the skids (i did not realise it stood for Step Kids

[Xalla]

Absolutely you need to get all the financial stuff done through the proper channels. You'll prob still end up with a totally unfair arrangement though.

My DH has DSD 50% of the time. Her Mum claims all the CB and tax credits AND my DH still pays monthly maintenance. The system is flawed no question.

It is too often forgotten that it is the responsibility of BOTH parents to provide for their child.

[anklebitersmum]

Get everything done properly. Take the time to write the letters and get the financial side straight.

DH's ex wanted maintenance to be paid to her even when DSC wasn't with her at all! Said she could 'justify being paid' and told the world and his wife what a 'deadbeat' DH was for not divvying up.