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New to this shit

(4 Posts)
Moosylorris Mon 19-Nov-12 14:15:56

Right, none of what I'm going to write will necessarily make sense but I could really do with some wise words.
Having been single for a year and about to divorce I joined a dating site about three months ago and very luckily met the most amazing guy.
Separated two years with two kids perfect I thought, have hit the jackpot!! I adore this man he is absolutely always there is a fly in the ointment!

Namely the ex wife, I should have realised trouble lay ahead when she rang him on our first date (he had already told her we were going on a date!) for a "chat" about the kids day lol since then our relationship has grown from strength to strength but so it seems has her bitchiness, I met his children recently and as they were coming to his house I was quite prepared for a quick but civilised and friendly "hello, nice to meet you" with the ex errrr, no! She rang my bf and insisted he meet her outside a local supermarket?! She made it quite clear she did not want to meet me, I don't see what good can ever come of it it just makes it awkward for everyone most of all the children.

I dare say to her massive disappointment the children and I hit it off big time they are fab kids, I have three myself (11,9&3) but having never dated anyone with kids before I had no idea what to expect.

Over the past few weeks things have got increasingly frosty between them and seeing as they have been happily separated for two years I can only assume I am the problem.

Now this is what I am actually deeply upset my bf and I had a chat about Xmas his plan had been to spend Xmas eve and Xmas day with her and the children I don't exactly savour the thought of him spending the day with her but I trust him and know he has no feelings for her so I was ok with the arrangements and we planned to see each other Boxing Day last week however he asked her how she would feel if he was to leave early Xmas evening to spend a bit of time with me and my children well to say that didn't go down well would be an understatement she is on a lot of online parenting forums but not ones like this (if I explain too much it'll be inappropriate) basically from what bf has told me they all know each other on this site as they all share a childhood issue and use real names etc know each others children and so on soooo she has gone onto these sites including good old fb slagging me off to all and sundry!! It's really really upset me that she won't meet me and actually get to know me she has decided I am enemy no.1 and wishes to tarnish my name as much as she can, it's causing massive problems between bf and I and to be frank I don't know if I am willing to sign up to a lifetime of this shit, she ended the marriage by screwing his friend, repeatedly!! Oh who was also a member of his family!!

Despite her shitting on him from a great height he has remained a fantastic and devoted dad but now he wants a little bit I time and a life of his own she is going mental and making seeing a future together a little tricky. I might just be being a cow but I would like anyone's opinion on this (except hers, she is a twat 😉)

NotaDisneyMum Mon 19-Nov-12 16:11:49

Deep breaths.

Firstly, it won't get any easier - although many if us have found ways to cope, but psycho ex's don't change overnight.

Secondly, slow down. Three months is no time at all in a relationship, and I can understand why any mum would be unhappy with their DCs being introduced to Dads GF so soon - not saying its wrong, just that Mum might need some reassurance, especially if she has a low opinion of her ex's parenting decisions.

As for meeting her, that's not your call, I'm afraid. If she wants to, then fine - if not, stay out of the way. You aren't, and never will be, part of her parenting relationship with her ex. If he chooses to involve you when the DCs are with him, then great - but she doesn't have to engage with you at all.

Finally - if you're having doubts now, get out. There are DCs involved and unless you are totally committed to your BF no matter what his ex throws at you, then they are better of if you end it sooner rather than later. You only have to read this board to see how much worse it can get - allegations, arrests, assaults, damage.... sad

Moosylorris Mon 19-Nov-12 16:41:14

Thank you
I'm about to make myself sound even more of a cow by adding I didn't have much desire in meeting them so soon, we were at his house having a wknd together she needed him to have them for a couple of hours (his son is not well, makes it almost impossible for anyone else to look after him) naturally I said it was fine and it was but it's certainly not something I would choose to do so soon, he is a great guy but there seems to be a lot of shit flying for such a new relationship I just hope she gets better I don't want to be there mother I've got enough kids of my own I don't even want to be her friend but I certainly don't want to be slated behind my back wouldn't be so bad if it was anonymous!!

NotaDisneyMum Mon 19-Nov-12 18:37:27

Sadly, it comes with the territory of some men I'm afraid - on line, in the playground, to family, friends and the DCs - some exW will bad mouth their ex's new partner regardless of how damaging it is to the children or others.

My DPs ex lost me a lot of business by slagging me off to a colleague - who was a client of mine (not sure if ex knew that), and the client took a lot of other potential work with her angry

There is nothing you can do about it - well, there is, but I don't think many SM's (no matter how wicked) would actually sue their DSC's mum for slander!

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