DSD has been with us this week and has been a bit out of sorts. She finally told us tonight what is bothering her. He Mum has told her that she is planning to go to Barbados on holiday at the start of next year with her bf. From what I understand she has a family member who lives out there to stay with. When she asked if she was going too her Mum said that she couldn't afford for her to go as well.
This is just the latest in a long line of issues where her Mum seems to be putting herself first. DSD is very upset. Neither DH or I can think of a single thing to say to DSD to make it better other than she will be staying with us and we will have a lovely time.
I think the only thing you can usefully do is what you are doing - provide a safe, consistent home where she feels valued and secure. It won't be long before she is able to make more choices about where she spends her time and where she gets love and support when she needs it. You can't change her mother, but you can provide a decent alternative.
DSD is 8 nearly 9. We have joint residency, week on week off and much as she complains about it DH doesn't pay maintenance. He did when DSD spent the majority of time at her Mum's.
She's asking to come and live with us but there is no way it will happen without a huge fight. DH already stands accused of only having joint residency to punish his ex We just want DSD to be happy, if things were different and she said she wanted to live with her Mum more then we'd be upset but accept it. We don't have £10k for a court battle and also don't want to put DSD through that.
We know she won't. We did try about a year ago when DSD was really unhappy before. She said that we were manipulating DSD and that she wasn't unhappy at all. That we should mind our own business as her life has nothing to do with us, which until it starts affecting DSD it isn't.
We couldn't even suggest mediation as that is just another way for DH to bully her. When they went years ago to agree residency she didn't have a better argument than 'I'm her Mum' so the mediators suggested JR would be a good idea to try. She kicked a bin and stormed out.
Does she go to same school on her week on and off. It sounds like a lot of stress for such a little one but not much you can do right now. Just keep providing her with her stable home and she will vote with her feet when she's older.
Yes she does, its the same school as my bio dc. They recently moved across our city and it takes an hour to get there so it probably won't be long before her Mum tries to move her to another school again