I've posted before about my reservations about ex's wife, who ds (9) has only recently met. I'd heard (from ex, as well as other sources) that she isnt very kind to his children, because she is jealous of them (he told me this, that she has some 'issues' and they don't visit him any more - they are much older, late teens/20s).
So I hesitated to let ds go to their house, instead of his dad coming here or taking him out alone. But I let him go and the first two times, he said he had a great time, she was really, really nice and he liked her a lot.
I was puzzled but great, it was working out. He only goes once a month for a few hours.
Anyway this last weekend he went for the third time. I was upset, as his dad has a drinking problem which has 'resurfaced' in the last few weeks, and I felt odd about letting ds go - but his dad was sober on the day so I sent him off happily.
He told me today that his dad's wife wasn't very nice to him this time. Nothing awful - but he said, he doesn't really like her any more, because she wasn't pleased to see him, ignored him, and told him off because he put his feet on the sofa (wearing socks)
In a way I'm relieved that she's being like I was told she is - I get nervous when people seem lovely, and you know they are not always like that, so I was almost waiting for him to be on the receiving end of the other side of her. And I'm glad that it wasn't too bad for ds. I don't know the details of what happened with the other kids.
I'd be happy for ds not to go any more, especially if she makes him uncomfortable. But he says, he can just ignore her - kudos to him for that. I told him it's up to him, and he has to do what she says but yes, don't take any notice if she isn't very friendly.
I just feel that it might be better if ds sees his father elsewhere as she clearly has done the 'meet and greet' bit and now she doesn't really want him around. Which is fine - he's not her child, I don't expect her to love him.
What would be the best option? Ds likes seeing his step-sisters who are also much older than him, and it's exciting for him and his dad is always very good with him - very positive and so on. But should I say no? Or maybe let him go there occasionally?
I just feel that he doesn't need a negative adult around him when he's seeing his father - who has only been in his life for about 2 years anyway.
Thanks for any input.
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Step-parenting
What's the answer? Should ds see his dad on his own?
14 replies
EdsRedeemingQualities · 06/11/2012 11:18
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