the advice needed is on the mother's (exw) reaction to all of this, and although he does trust my opinion he thinks we are too close to see clearly and would welcome other opinions - the DD has now blocked him from FB, has not replied to his email or text. the DD is 15. Both my DP and I work in the IT industry and are well aware of the online risks
brief history: my DP daughter has for some time been posting sexually provacative pictures of herself not only on F/B but tumblr, twitter and instagram but with her mobile number and BB pin number accessabile to everyone and easily traceable to town, school etc, my DP did a few months ago tell his DD to tone it down but this week decided enough was enough and tried to ascertain the mothers opinion, who responded favourably
"I couldn't agree more. Part of the problem is that what we think is disgusting, she thinks is acceptable. Policing it is a nightmare as she can hide whatever she likes from us. If you have any suggestions, I will do whatever I can to get her to see sense - I'm hoping this is a lack of maturity."
so a good starting point you would think
2 days went by with no more response although the pictures did start to disappear so he wrote again enquiring as to what action etc etc with the response "I have spoken to her" so DP replied did it have any effect? response "Yes" at which point DP then wrote to the NSPCC asking for advice and copied the exw in as he thought she was being unhelpful and scoring points off him in trying to resolve this issue and would not give him any assurance that she had managed to convey the potential seriousness of this to his daughter, and that his daughter will stop posting these sort of pictures, and, more importantly, that she understands why she should not be posting them, and the affect it could have on the rest of her life if it got any worse.
the exw then saw red having left it 48 hours before she wanted to view the pictures asked for samples as by then DD had deleted so he sent her some samples and said to her that he didnt think she had appeared undressed she admited that "I said I agreed that DD should delete some of them and she had" "A few of them I was not happy with. I said I agreed several days ago when you first asked me"
DD then blocked DP from access to her F/B (obviously angry with him)
we then get this response from the exw
"I am well aware that some of the pictures (& comments) are not what older people think appropriate. As you kindly pointed out this is a "persona" (an immature one) not the real girl who is working hard and having fun with her friends. Pretending to be an "out there" sexy tart is a game, which could go wrong if the girl concerned was a thick, slut. How dare you imply this of our daughter"
so thats ok then (!) the DD is just playing a game by pretending to be sexy tart and she is intellegent enough for it not to go wrong because she's not a thick slut: remember her phone number etc was clearly published with these photos. DP wrote back explaining this and asking given that if this was the logic exw used to destroy his relationship with his DD, why does it apply to him and not her as well as she agreed that some of the photos were inappropriate.
and followed by
"We are all old, that's why we don't accept these type of things well (to greater and lesser degrees) but writing things like she hasn't appeared naked yet is cruel and sick, implying that you think she would be stupid enough to do so ie slut/tart. Not a good way to get your message/request across and why she is livid. What you have done is all of your own doing, I hope you will find a way to undo it."
just for the record DP never used the words slut or tart in talking about his DD and these photos. He admits that he may handled this badly with the exw and DD and knows he has little influence over his DD, it is likely he won't see her for a while to talk face to face while she remains angry at him and he does not have a functional relationship with exw but what should he do now?
please be gentle with him he is trying to do the right thing by his DD
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long - DP needs advice urgently re DD and sexual provacative photos online
6 replies
expectingrain · 03/11/2012 11:58
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