I need a bit of a rant and I'm sorry but I think it's going to be long... So as you know, DH decided that the "dating" scenario he had with his DD on a weekly basis was all bollocks after taking her to Paris and her then not wanting to see him at all.
He told her that if she wanted to see him then he would be very happy but that he had to have a family life with my DD and I and couldn?t wait around then drop everything at her whim. He has been texting her on a weekly basis telling her what he/ us are up to each week/weekend and letting her know that she is welcome to choose to be a part of it. Sometimes it?s visiting family, sometimes it?s sitting in with TV and pizza, sometimes it?s a trip to the park etc, etc. Not always with my DD and I but it often is. He says he loves her and hopes she's well.
Every week he either gets no response, or a response saying something like "I'm spending time with Mum" or "It's my friend's birthday". He's been really strong and recently said to me that he had realised he had to snap out of his depression about it all and enjoy all the things he does have in his life. He's been really good and things have been getting back on track. We?ve started making some family traditions/ routines of our own and the improvement in my DD who had been incredibly down about the whole thing has been noticeable. One of our routines is going for an early dinner and ?wine o?clock? at the local pub at 4pm on a Friday as that is when he clocks off. We?ve been playing snap/ pairs etc. and then coming home and reading a book together before DD has her bath and bed.
Soooo? today I took DD out for soft play and lunch with two of her little friends and I had coffee with the Mum. DH is off work so I felt like I should have arranged something he could be involved in but the Mum wanted to talk about her recent separation so I couldn?t really, and I did explain that to him.
He made an appointment that he needed to have with the bank for 1pm and we planned to all be back here to have our Friday dinner routine as normal. Then he text me (after he?d got back home from the bank ? a 20 minutes trip from town on foot ? I had the car) saying he was going back out in to town because his DD had asked to meet him there. He said he?d spend a few hours with her and be back for dinner (don?t know what time he was thinking but by this point it was already 2.30pm so def not back for 4pm) he said he had invited DSD out for dinner with us but she didn?t want to come. I was immediately furious ? this sets us back by months! Him jumping as is her whim (she was given all options to see him back on Tuesday and didn?t respond) spending ?alone time? with her, PLUS reneging on our plans in favour of seeing DSD. I was getting all angry then he text about half an hour later saying as he was leaving she text to ask him to bring all the clothes that are still at our house. He said he was sad that he was only getting to see her because she had an ulterior motive. Now rather than angry? I feel so sad for him. He?s been doing so well and now we?re right back where we started. I feel disappointed, useless, futile, sad? and also a bit angry. I text him and said although I realised it would never be the same as having his own DD - My DD and I were really looking forward to our Friday night dinner and that we love to spend time with him and he is dearly loved. I?ve had no response and now DD and I are sat wondering what?s happening (well, she seems quite happy watching TV but you know what I mean!) I?m furious with DSD!!! Has she no idea how heartbreaking it must have been for him to have to go in to her room and bag up all of her clothes after not seeing her for about 7 weeks then take them to her in town and walk back alone? it?s a fucking joke how cold she is. I actually don?t think she has a human heart. Part of me wants to tell him how disappointed I am in his behaviour, the other half wants to hug him and hug him. What should I do?
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Step-parenting
Giant leap backwards for him... don't know if to be angry or sympathetic...
36 replies
Madelinesnotapumpkinanymore · 02/11/2012 16:47
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