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How to explain to DS where his sisters & brother are?

(10 Posts)
Bagofspiders Wed 31-Oct-12 16:49:43

DSC's have just been with us for the best part of 2 weeks. DS absolutely adores them and they are all incredibly good with him and as there's 3 of them he pretty much always gets attention from one of them while they're here.
They went to their Mums this morning and ever since DS has been wandering round the house, banging on their bedroom doors calling their names. It's quite sad as it's the 1st time I've noticed that he's realised they're not here. I keep telling him their at their mummy's house but it's not going in as he's only 17 months (although he has very good speach and understanding fir his age). How did you explain it to your toddlers?

Bonsoir Wed 31-Oct-12 16:52:40

It's a hard one. DD, who is 7 and 9 years younger than her stepbrothers, used to miss them terribly when she was a one and two year old - I think she found it very dull being at home alone with me after the boys had been here for a few days. She completely blacked out on the fact that the boys had another home and a mother - she wouldn't talk about it or even acknowledge a conversation about it for years, despite us always talking very openly about it.

Bonsoir Wed 31-Oct-12 16:53:53

Look on the bright side: if they all adore each other now, it will last and you will have a very happy blended family in the long term!

Bagofspiders Wed 31-Oct-12 17:07:31

Thank you Bonsoir. You're right, it's just not as much fun with just me! DSC's are 16, 13 and 11 so I expect and hope that DS will always idolise them and they will always dote on him. It really is so lovely to watch them together.

Eliza22 Wed 31-Oct-12 18:49:32

Oh, poor thing. I know my son was always sad when his three steps went home but he was 9! I used to feel sorry for him as he was "stuck with me" as an only child.

He's 12 now and the steps are 18, 22 and 23 so, we don't see much of them as they're working and one at uni.

No easy answer. It'll be better when he's at nursery/primary. He'll have his own little circle.

Madelinethepumpkin Fri 02-Nov-12 12:52:09

Do you get on with ex? If so, could he go there do he can understand where they are?

Bagofspiders Fri 02-Nov-12 20:13:41

Thanks, I've just seen these replies.
Eliza yes, it really is very sad, especially as he really doesn't understand. And I also miss them a lot when there not with us sad

Madeline Yes, I get on reasonably well with their mum, and DS has met her on many occasions. But come to think of it he has never been in her house. I worry that it would come across as a bit weird if I were to ask to take him in but she's always been very nice to him....

izzywizzyisbizzy Sat 03-Nov-12 20:06:18

With my oldest DC I have taken the younger ones to their home and showed them around and the "other" bedroom, etc. they are comfortable that they know where their sibling is when with daddy.

But I have an excellent relationship with my ex - middle DC is now asking to go for a "sleepover" which is a step too far grin.

With dhs children - they have treated mine appallingly and basically abandoned them. It is very difficult to answer questions about them as they simply don't understand (very complicated involving police etc). I have taken to telling them they are with their mummy and that she isn't very nice, not like dc1 daddy, so we can't go to that house.

It's a nightmare that will never end, especially as they will need to know the full truth with the passage of time and that truth is not something that is going to make them happy.

taxiforme Sat 03-Nov-12 20:51:14

Oh how did you keep a lid on it? I would have been boo hooing all over. Thats so sweet.

At 17 mo he is a little bit young to understand much but I think whatever you tell him dont tell him a lie, nothing confusing or which might make him anxious and is time bound. Simple that they will be back (next week, on Friday, Xmas whenever the arrangements are)

Can he understand concepts such as they sleep in a different house, nearby but they will be coming again to see you soon? Then introduce the concept of you having different mummys but the same daddy slowly as things progress.

I think the most important thing is that you reassure him and make positive comments and plans which involve the others. Like "shall we bake a cake for when X Y and Z come next?"

Its lovely to have a positive and heartwarming story though XX

Bagofspiders Tue 06-Nov-12 19:45:53

TBH I did almost cry yesterday! blush We saw DSS very briefly, only really gave him a lift somewhere, and when he got out the car DS started sobbing and saying his name. It is so lovely that he loves them so much!

I don't think he gets the concept of anyone having a different mummy to him at the moment, if I tell him that dss is at his mummy's house he usually points at me and says 'ohhh! DSs mummy!' So I've started using their mums name, which may work better for now!

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