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Am I mad getting into this? Vote here!

(3 Posts)
IfImHonest Fri 19-Oct-12 11:53:15

I've been with my DP for just shy of a year. Brace yourselves for this story. He has 3 children, by two ex-wives. Two older ones (11 and 14) and one younger one (5). I have two children myself (DS, 5 and DD, 3).

It's mad, isn't it? He has his older two 50% of the time, and his youngest EOW. My two go to XH EOW too.

We don't live together but are seriously loved up. Despite the two failed marriages thing, he's a really good man and a great father.

My relationship with XH is perfectly fine. His relationship with ex-wife No. 1 is OK and with ex-wife No. 2 - awful. She seems to still be in love with him, and very upset about the break up, 4 years on. I had nothing to do with their break-up, I hasten to add.

I love him, his kids are lovely, but am I setting myself up for the mother of all hellish lives if I decide to move in with him at some point?

I guess I could still decide it's all too crazy and leave sad

Kaluki Fri 19-Oct-12 12:00:22

Yes - mad as a box of frogs!!!
Not really!!
Just don't move in with him until you are 100% sure. I made the mistake of moving in first and regretting thinking about it later!!
Read through the threads on here to pick up any possible red flags and I'm sure you will be fine.
Good luck

boredandrestless Fri 19-Oct-12 15:52:19

My only advice is to tell yourself you will not move in together for a long long long while. Get to know the dynamics of it all. Meet the ex wives for yourself if possible rather than the only source of info being his word. Get to know the kids as a friend of their dad's rather than as a step mum, do all the kids get on, would your dcs benefit from 3 new step siblings. What would your finances look like as a couple? How well does he manage his finances (sensible or reckless)? Does he pay child maintenance? What kind of dad is here when he has his dcs?

^These questions are not for you to answer on here but things to consider as you get to know him very well - before moving in together.

I was a step mum for 9 years and wouldn't do it again.

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