Advise please.(2 Posts)
Ok background info, I have 2 ds's, dp and dss moved in 4 months ago, dss's mother had passed away a couple of years ago. Dp is very supportive with me my ds's and his ds obviously, my issue is dss does things that I'm not used to, i.e lying, hiding things that he has broken, whinges so much and can be quite miserable and spiteful too (ds1 did go through a whingy phase btw, and has become spiteful lately) he's very argumentative too, and I hate to say it but I have found myself arguing with him (he's 6 and unreasonable, and I should have learnt not to bite with my 10 year old ds) but my main bugbear is that he seems so ungrateful and like he's entitled to everything, ds1 has never been like this and I really am not used to it, ds2 is only four and hasn't really started with behaviours yet, he is such a lovely lad though and is very caring and empathetic when he wants to be, and we have a good relationship, I'm worried that he may need some help regarding the bereavement of his mum, he's also moved from his entire family to live with us, dp used to live here and has family here, I worry that he at such a very young age has had to adapt so very quickly, and perhaps this is why he seems to be acting like this, I will also admit I'm harder on my children than I am on dss, but I think this has gone against me in some way, as if I have to punish him its usually a stern talking too and a time out or something grounded, however he then turns it around on me saying that I've shouted in his face ( when I've talked to him at his level), or held his hand to hard (whilst crossing roads or walking into town !!) or pushed him to hard when guiding him to the step, and he makes me feel awful when saying these things, and I know I haven't done this at all, he does the same to dp btw. Is there anything I can do to help him or does he need some outside help?. His moods can often affect the entire household and I'm not sure whats best to deal with him.
First of all, my six year old says and does all of those things. It could just be a six year old thing. Surge of hormones, becomes more aware of the world and their own power over things etc etc.
but do you feel like he has been allowed to deal with losing his mother? Maybe some therapy for him would be a good idea? I recently took my six year old to a play therapist who would see us all as a family and she was excellent. Would your partner be interested in that?
How is he dealing with this as his father?
Hang in there, you must be feeling awful.
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