My husband and I met when his daughter with his previous partner was 6 months old. Their relationship was bad when she got pregnant and he wanted her to have a termination which I don't think he has ever forgiven himself for.
I moved from my home city to his and moved in when his daughter was a year and a half old and had only met her twice before, once with her Mother and once on a day out with her and my (now husband).
After about a year of us dropping everything to accommodate DSD's Mum's arrangements and him taking phone calls about every hour from her and her not speaking to me we now have a pretty good relationship and the arrangement is that we have DSD every Sunday to Monday and every Thursday to Friday morning. She is now 6 and at school so this isn't a huge amount and then we have her for the odd long weekend or for a week during school holidays etc.
DH and I had our own little girl 2.5 years ago and things have been kind of ok until recently when DH has continually said that he wan'ts to spend more time with DSD which I really wouldn't mind but I said that as I work 4 days a week and only have 20 days holiday I would also like to be able to spend two of my 3 weeks holiday with just my daughter as I need some time to spend with just her.
My DSD is a bit of handful - if she is here she is so used to individual attention from her Mum that she tends to take over, have tantrums if she doesn't get her own way etc. (I witnessed a conversation at her house over a chocolate eclair - she wanted it now, Mum said no she could have it after supper, tantrum, Mum gives her the chocolate eclair and says she can have back to front supper!) - she is also a bit hyperactive and has phases of being really difficult - I have had phone calls from her Mum in hysterics because DSD has been kicking and biting her and when she is here she can be pretty volatile so it is disruptive. She can also be absolutely lovely, kind and fun and she gets on really well with
BUT she is not my daughter and I said to my DH that yes I love her but she is not my daughter and I need some time on my own with my own daughter during my holidays. DH has just thrown out all the baby stuff that we were keeping as were trying for a new baby and said there is no way he is having another baby with me as I am a monster for not loving DSD as much as I love my own daughter.
Please help - am I being completely unfair? He says fine, I can go on holiday on my own with MY DAUGHTER and he will go on holiday on his own with HIS DAUGHTER. To be honest I think this might be too much strain on our relationship.
I was the one who spent hours at night putting his DSD back to bed when she wouldn't sleep when she was little. I was the one who spent 3 days looking after her when she had chicken pox and her Mum was away etc. etc. I love her but I also want to spend time with my own little girl. He says I get loads of time with her during the week and should want to spend my holidays with all of us as a family. Every time I suggest doing something he says we have to wait for DSD to be here and that he only feels like a family when she is here.
He says I lied when we agreed we would include his DSD in our lives when we first got together and that I am a failure as I don't love DSD as much as my own daughter and that millions of women adopt children and love them as much as their own. This is all true but DSD has a Mother and she doesn't need me to be her Mother. Or is this not right? Please help.
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Please help - think this is an irreperable problem...
13 replies
PoisonedApple · 12/10/2012 11:59
OP posts:
charlearose ·
12/10/2012 13:37
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