So, I have been with my partner since DSD was 2, married since she was 6, and now she is 12, with a brother and sister (mine and hubby's).
DSD lives abroad with her mum, and comes to stay with us most holidays. On the whole she's a great girl. On the flipside she can also be very very difficult, shouts, hits, is venomous, and horrible. She goes through stages of being very clingy with DH, which is understandable and I encourage them to spend time together, we've discussed me having some little girlie dates with her etc and on the whole things jog along quite nicely.
Lately, however her relationship with her mum has been in difficulty, culminating in her mum telling her she's going to send her to boarding school as she's had enough of her awful behaviour. Then realising that practically (or financially) speaking it isn't possible.
DH has always wanted his daughter to live with us, and since she was young has always said that the beginning of secondary school would be a good time. DSD's mum has always said she can come when she's 14.
Anyway, through recent discussions about the deteriorating relationship, DH and I, and DH and DSD's mum have been discussing her coming to live here.
I have always said that having a difficult teenager thrust upon me would never be my ideal. But on a good day, I feel that although it it would take some adjustment, we could cope and that it would probably be in DSD's best interests - I envisage us finding a way to all rub along together in our new integrated family, and working our way through the difficulties we might face.
DSDs mother is open to the possibility of DSD coming here now, but now it's all becoming more real, today is a bad day, and I am filled with a feeling of dread, and I feel so selfish!
I fear DSDs angry outbursts will upset my kids aged 2 & 4. I'm not sure if I'm ready to share my evenings with a clingy, shouty teenage girl slobbing on our sofa. I don't want to give up my spare room for her. God, I feel horrible saying it.
It's a long old story - DSDs mum can be very shouty and difficult herself so most of DSDs behavioural issues have been learnt, but do I really want it all in my life so constantly? There are some visits which are fantastic when she comes and others when I've been so happy and relieved to see her leave.
Can anyone give me a perspective on it?
I'm also getting fed up with husband spending 2 or 3 nights a week talking to DSDs mum about the situation - it all feels like it's taking over our life.
I haven't been able to face talking to DH about my massive negative feelings as he's trying to act in his daughter's best interests, and I want to support him in that too. I feel so bloody torn. Just needed to share I think. Thanks for listening.
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Step-parenting
Stepdaughter may be coming to live with us - need advice
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decaffeinated · 02/10/2012 17:06
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