I'm a new step mum to two lovely children-a five and four year old. I'm also adoptive mum of six and a bit years to a seven year old. DSD and DSS have limited contact with the mother. DH divorced their mum three and a half years ago, and I married DH a year ago, having been his partner for about two years, and I knew him as a friend for about ten years previously. I am the two children's godmothers. When the divorce was intensified and DH was worried about the effect on the kids, I looked after them for a few days, and when DH and his ex were both in hospital (bad virus, they stayed in for ten days each), I looked after them.
My Mum's birthday is coming up. She'll be sixty four. She's invited my family to come over and stay in a little B&B along with her sisters and my brother's family. She's paying for the rooms because she knows that we're a little hard up- we've paid for much-needed repairs recently and our car broke down so we've had to get a new one. For a small period of time, a month, ending last week, DH had no job, which was a bad period, though he's now found a job as an aeronautical engineer in our nearest airport, so we're hoping to pay her back. My job covers small stuff like clothing, the weekly shop and gas and electricity, so basic needs, but things like school trips (we can't afford many of them), repairing our house, getting a new car or a TV is a bit beyond us. The bit about us not being able to afford the cost is important.
She asked how many beds- so I said one double for DH and I, and three singles for the kids. My Mum hasn't shown any sign of not accepting them before, but then we weren't in much contact last year as she had moved to France (and then could afford to move back) and is now the other side of the country. She didn't rush out to meet them just like she did with my adopted daughter. But I didn't especially notice. Anyway, she then mentioned that she thought they might stay with a relative, or their mum. They live with us full time, but see her for two hours a week, and on special occasions, they will have a party or whatever at their house- as well as one at ours.
I need her to accept that they're a part of my family- they've been a part for a year, and if you include the time we were partners, for even longer. They stay with me a lot and though they don't call me mummy (they call me by my first name, as I told them to), they are a large part of my life. She was very accepting when I adopted my daughter, so I don't see why this should be any different.
We could stretch our budget and not get a car for a few more months, and live without a TV for a year (it's fine having no TV obviously), and have no family holiday or any spare money for stuff like school trips, new shoes or whatever for about six months or so, until I get a promotion (and this isn't just me hoping, the person with the post is leaving, I've been told that when she leaves, I will be promoted to her job) or we can stay behind and have a family holiday elsewhere- something cheap, like camping or a hostel. Or I could leave them behind, but I really can't do that. What should I do?
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Step-parenting
Mum isn't accepting my step-kids?
21 replies
caraway · 30/09/2012 15:51
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