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First Christmas with 17 yo DSS am i being daft?

(33 Posts)
HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Mon 10-Sep-12 19:39:42

So dh is just back in touch with his sons after nine years.

Absence was not due to dh.

Anyway dss who is just 17 wants to come for Christmas Day which is wonderful.

It will be dh's first Christmas day with him since he was 3.

Dh and i have two dds 9 and 6. They have big christmas sacks with their names on, i always go a bit overboard at Christmas so they have lots of presents, we love Christmas.

If dss had always been with us he would have his own sack and would have been spoilt every year.

As he hasn't though i want to buy him a sack (with his name on) and fill it with presents so he feels like he's treated the same as our dds.

Am i being daft, will he be a bit hmm at a sack, i know if it was a normal situation he would be, i just want him to be one of the family and feel included.

Would it be nice or am i being daft?

Waitingforastartofall Sun 28-Oct-12 13:58:51

we buy the same for both, same amount spent roundabout and roughly the same number dependant on price. My parents buy more for ds, but they do still buy for sgc too. It usually works out quite well because some years we have alternate days so the extra presents ds would normally get he can have on boxing day so hes not watching his sb and ss opening with nothing left. The sc have never said oh but ds has had more they know they have things at their mums house whereas ds only has things from us and our family ect. You cant always make things completly equal but it levels out. I think the op sounds lovely and i would of loved to have you as a stepmum instead of the evil witch i got who left me out at every oppurtunity and even booked holidays without inviting me ect. I try really hard to be a good step mum because i know how shit it was with a bad one. That doesnt mean my ds goes without because im over compensating ,i treat them equally as is possible

Confuzzled128 Sat 27-Oct-12 22:45:49

Suda, I'm sorry that was a bit harsh.

Confuzzled128 Sat 27-Oct-12 22:44:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sudaname Sun 23-Sep-12 18:13:37

Ooh this stepparenting lark is a minefield isnt it. To those of you saying it's a lovely idea, l do agree and what a lovely stepmum you sound. But my DH once had a massive falling out with his son over getting one DGCs (DHs son has split from her mum) an extra card and present so that she would have something to open at her mums and her dads house as she woke up at her mums then later went to her dads at Xmas. So he didnt want to a) Not give her a present /card at his sons house for obvious reasons but b) he also didnt want her to wake up at her mums Xmas morning with nothing from him.

Trouble is l suppose is while everyone is running round worrying about not making the SC (s) feel left out it can turn out that SCs can end up getting twice what the DCs who live with both their parents in one household get which in turn can make them feel left out.

For example in Upanddowns case and l fully understand how horrible that must have felt, but in a way, as you say you always got sacks at your mums if you had got another one off your stepmum you would be getting double what your half siblings or step siblings were .


IceBergJam Sun 23-Sep-12 17:26:05

I do my stepsons large overflowing stockings full of gifts , they are 18 and 16 and love them. It makes them laugh. They say I spoil them.

Our family go crazy at christmas , not just with gifts and the first Christmas I was there it all seemed a bit small for me, so I brought our traditions in. This year I have my own DD and the Christmas fairies will be leaving themm all new PJs Christmas Eve.

nambypambysm Thu 13-Sep-12 19:56:28

It is unbeleiveable that people would think it was okay to give the resident children loads of presents and then the steps a selection box and voucher sad

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Thu 13-Sep-12 13:15:21

That's horrible up I never want him to feel how you and your sister must have felt.

Sounds like you have a wonderful mum though.

exoticfruits Thu 13-Sep-12 07:48:40

It sounds lovely - everyone gets childish at Christmas anyway.

upanddown83 Thu 13-Sep-12 07:27:09

when i was younger at xmas my stepbrothers always got sacks with lots of presents and my sister and i got a voucher and selection box it was awful i would have loved to have a wonderful sm like you who though of getting us sacks too! my mum has always had xmas sacks for my sis and me (now 27 and 29) and since are partners now spend xmas with us they have sacks too it makes them feel like a part of the family and its so much fun watching everyone pulling out the wee bits and pieces they get.

Sushiqueen Tue 11-Sep-12 13:44:49

I did the same for my eldest DSS (18 at the time) when he was unexpectedly with us one Christmas. I did stockings for everyone including DH and my parents who were also there.

I spent hours working out little gifts which I thought he would like. He loved it and used everything afterwards. He told his Dad that it meant a lot that I had gone to the trouble for him especially as he arrived with only a couple of days notice.

So yes I am sure your DSS will love it (even if he won't admit it at the time smile)

AdoraBell Tue 11-Sep-12 13:25:07

I agree, daft it may be but he needs to feel valued and the best way to do that around Christmas is to treat him the same as your own sons. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas together.

Ilovedaintynuts Tue 11-Sep-12 13:23:01

Wonderful idea.
My DS is 15 and in the process of getting to know his biological father for the first time.
He has 2 half-siblings and I know he would roll his eyes but secretly love it!

What a lovely step-mum you are.

teatimesthree Tue 11-Sep-12 13:18:54

smile smile

NervousAt20 Tue 11-Sep-12 13:17:32

I think it's a great idea! It will make him feel more equal to your girls and completely included in your family smile I'm sure you'll all have a great day

Lilypad34 Tue 11-Sep-12 13:16:25

I think it's a fab idea..I started doing sacks for my parents!!! very silly but it brings smiles all round! smile

SavoyCabbage Tue 11-Sep-12 13:16:05

I don't think it's in any way daft.

UC Tue 11-Sep-12 13:14:37

I don't see why it's daft at all? I'm 39 and I love still having a pillow case of presents. He'll love it. Definitely do it.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Tue 11-Sep-12 13:10:39

Thank you Somebody

That's so sad though, my sister had an awful stepmum and it caused so much heartache.

I just want him to feel equal to our girls, that is really important to me. He doesn't need me to be his mum, he has one who has done a wonderful job, i just want him to know he's welcome and loved.

GobblersKnob Tue 11-Sep-12 13:08:45

Aw, how lovely smile

SomebodySaveMe Tue 11-Sep-12 13:06:28

That's lovely grin

My stepmum never made me feel welcome and it eventually affected my relationship with my dad. The stocking is a great idea.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Tue 11-Sep-12 13:04:51

He's getting a sack with his name on, like it or not!!

Petal02 Tue 11-Sep-12 13:02:47

I have an 18 yr old DSS, and I still put his presents in a Santa stocking. It makes him smile!

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Mon 10-Sep-12 21:29:55


Sassybeast Mon 10-Sep-12 20:37:55

Totally daft but totally lovely grin

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Mon 10-Sep-12 20:07:33

No the other son is older and won't be coming, his choice.

I will make him a big hamper with presents in and send it back with his brother.

He knows he is more than welcome but his relationship with dh is moving a bit more slowly.

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