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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

Quick question on baths/showers

147 replies

Lilypad34 · 17/07/2012 03:21

We will be having dsd (8) for a full 2 weeks (I will be doing most of the care as dp will be working) starting next week.

I am very hot on hygiene, I have seen dsd arrive at ours unbathed for 3 days. I give her a choice bath or shower, whining will normally follow! Question is, how do I get her to wash daily without all the drama?

Thank you

OP posts:

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katiegolightly · 17/07/2012 05:32

Bathroom bubble machine? Which does she hate less, bath or shower?

origamirose · 17/07/2012 06:09

We used to have exactly the same problem with DP's daughter (8). We didn't really enforce bath/shower until recently. Not long ago we went shopping and she chose her own bubble bath (she doesn't like showering). This is hers no-one else in the house uses it. That worked in that it encouraged her to have a bath. She also starts her bath running (which she likes). These things helped but it's not always easy. And getting her hair rinsed is challenging at best.

NotaDisneyMum · 17/07/2012 07:25

My DSS personal hygiene (or lack of) is one of the things I struggle most with

DP seems oblivious, but a few well chosen phrases seem to do the trick - I don't get involved, though, I leave DP to deal with it!

JabberJay · 17/07/2012 08:04

My dd is the same age. She baths herself- do you let her just get on with it? At that age she may be shy or not want you in the bathroom whilst she's in the bath or shower? My dd also likes running her own bath, she chooses her bubbles, washes and does her hair (sometimes I help rinse the conditioner out) and gets herself out, dry and in her p.js/clothes. Perhaps you dsd would like this independence as it may make her want to bath more.

You could also tell her of she doesn't bath she will smell and I she doesn't bath for longer enough other people will notice that
she smells. Harsh but true.

ladygagoo · 17/07/2012 08:53

I would do baths - DSS has one every night and then its much easier for him to just get up in the morning and put his clothes on.

Like others have said - get some special bubbles for her

Perhaps do baths before dinner in the evening or straight after with an activity to follow - ie have your bath now and get all ready for bed then you can have a story/watch a dvd till bedtime or similar.

glasscompletelybroken · 17/07/2012 09:14

At 8 I don't actually think it's life and death if she doesn't bath or shower every day and if she's just with you for 2 weeks and doesn't do it at home then you could just end up spending the whole 2 weeks battling it out.

In your shoes I would compromise and tell her when she arrives that she will be expected to bath or shower every other day. it can be easier to do it in the morning if you have something planned for the day as you have the "we can go out as soon as you've showered" lever.

Bedtime showers can just be a way for a reluctant child to drag out bedtime - one way round this is to have tea then say you will play a game or watch a film together once she has had her shower. Don't let the TV go on till it's done.

Fooso · 17/07/2012 09:15

What works in our house is a treat for bed waiting after the shower/bath. This is usually a hot chocolat and some cut up apple/satsuma all ready in bowl. They look forward to it and that's the deal - shower then treat.

NotaDisneyMum · 17/07/2012 09:22

Even with a bribe/reward, how can you be sure they actually do wash/shower/bath without supervising them?

My DSS had lied to my face about washing in the past - despite knowing how to, unless he is watched over, he doesn't bother

seeker · 17/07/2012 09:26

Three days without a bath pre puberty isn't that bad!

Interested in how her bathing/not bathing impacts on you- does she smell?

NotaDisneyMum · 17/07/2012 09:35

How long would you leave it seeker?

If a DSC doesn't want to bathe for 2 weeks, and creates a fuss/scene when asked/expected to - would you not bother to insist, and leave it to the RP to deal with that part of their parenting?

My DSS bathes/showers once a week at his mums - unsupervised, so I can't imagine it is particularly thorough as it isn't when he's here. He doesn't wash his hands after toileting either. He regularly has stomach upsets - coincidence?

JabberJay · 17/07/2012 10:11

Notadisneymum- Once a fortnight bathing? That's grim!

Seeker- my dd is Pre-puberty and I wouldn't let her go more than a day without a bath. Even if we have a day out and get back late and exhausted she still has at least a "sink wash". Dirty faces and feet but most important they need to wash "down below" for want of a better word, every day at any age in my opinion.

OP- I think what the others have suggested is great. Bath after tea, with an activity or tv time after bath and before bed. Perhaps a small hot chocolate too/instead. Let her pick her own bubbles and maybe buy her own fluffy new towel- Moshi monsters or something equally desirable for an 8 yr old! :) Perhaps some bath "toys" too- my dd of a similar age loves taking her barbie dolls in the bath and washing their hair- tried that?

JJ

seeker · 17/07/2012 10:14

I repeat. How does this child's bathing habits impinge on you, OP? Does she smell?

seeker · 17/07/2012 10:16

What i', saying is that if she usually only bathes every three days why should she bathe every day for this particular two weeks?

MadamGazelleIsMyMum · 17/07/2012 10:26

Do you have your own DC? My DSD is not wild about baths or showers, but very much enjoys having a bath with DD and being the big sister.

origamirose · 17/07/2012 10:28

Seeker I'm not the OP but I can tell you that my DSD's hair is sometimes so dirty that it smells. It is also very greasy and without giving TMI even at 8 there are times when its obvious that she hasnt wiped her bottom properly. If there are thick skids on her pants I want her to have a clean bottom before she goes to bed. Not because it directly impacts me but because having a dirty bum can cause UTIs. I am not her mum and she is a very particular little girl. She would be mortified if I (or DP) mentioned her bottom wiping to her so we make damn sure she goes to bed clean. In my opinion its a duty of care. (Rant over).

Lilypad34 · 17/07/2012 10:30

She had her own bubbles, she asks me to sit in with her while she's showering or bathing. I don't mind if she wants me in there nattering or not. She does smell yes, I've noted of late the smell of B.O she's almost 9 and I think it's not unreasonable to expect her to wash daily. It makes my stomach turn when she just gets out of bed and gets dressed!

I've tried all sorts with her she still had the I don't have to attitude, once she in she's fine! We play the nail bar game if she's in the bath and if she showers I normally lean against the door and chat if she's asked me to. Personally I'd prefer her to have more independence but has been brought up with everything being done for her.

She's fine once she's in but it's the getting her in that's the issue. Dp doesn't really enforce anything!

OP posts:

Bonsoir · 17/07/2012 10:33

Most little girls are happy to play "beauty salons" or "hairdressers" etc and can be enticed into washing in order to be their most beautiful and gorgeous.

origamirose · 17/07/2012 10:33

So although bathing every day is not a necessity I think it's a good routine to get into (rant finally over)

ArcticRain · 17/07/2012 10:35

If you have some spare cash, how about a trip to Lush to choose some bath bombs and bubble bath bars together ? Some turn the water a pretty color with glitter or paper bits . Some nice new towels of her choice ?

Everyday for an 8 year old seems a lot if they are not keen , how about every other day ?

DuelingFanjo · 17/07/2012 10:37

I think that you are a bit ot odd the have your stomach churning.
Could you compromise on every other day rather than insisting on daily?

Lilypad34 · 17/07/2012 10:39

Also she gets a lot of issues 'down there' with itchinessin both areas this is probably because her mum allows her to wear knickers to bed and not wash for days. Sometimes she wreaks when she arrives. She has toys her own towels etc. I think it's simply because it's a change.

OP posts:

seeker · 17/07/2012 10:40

Origami rose- yes, in those circumstances, of course a daily bath is essential- although surely bottom wiping lessons might be a good idea too? But the OP has said nothing like this.

She has said that her stomach churns when this child gets out of bed and gets dressed without a shower.

Which is undoubtedly her problem, not the child's.

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Lilypad34 · 17/07/2012 10:41

ArticRain lush is a good idea..thank you :)

OP posts:

Bonsoir · 17/07/2012 10:58

seeker - I don't think that the fact that the OP's stomach churns when the smell of her DSD's dirt wafts across her nostrils is the OP's problem alone.

It is the moral duty of the adult(s) in charge of a child to ensure that a child's personal hygiene is sufficient to prevent feelings of repulsion in others!

seeker · 17/07/2012 11:12

No mention of her smell earlier. And no 8 year old smells that bad after 3 days without a shower.

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