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Step-parenting

Who owns a passport??

21 replies

bonnymiffy · 10/07/2012 15:31

Ok, we're going on holidays in August, and DSS's mother only told us a couple of weeks ago (despite having known for MONTHS that we were going) that DSS's passport has expired (late last year). So, we have to get the replacement - extra cost because of the short notice and a trip to the passport office to get it in time.
So, once it's been issued, who does it belong to? Apart form obviously it's DSS's, is it us, because we're paying? Or is it her as she is the RP? I will be taking a copy of it (as I would do with any document in case it gets lost, and at least we will have the details so she can't pull this stunt again) but where would we stand if she takes him on holidays but doesn't return it to us afterwards?

OP posts:

Report

lisaro · 10/07/2012 15:36

Technically, as with mist official documents, it belongs to the government/passport office. I know that's not really what you're looking for, though.

rimmerfleadick · 10/07/2012 15:39

Sorry but I would say the RP, could she not at leat pay half?.

bonnymiffy · 10/07/2012 15:58

Hi Rimmer, had a feeling that would be the answer, but couldn't get anything definitive from google (!). We wouldn't dream of asking her for ANYTHING, she has caused us enough stress as it is this year (but that's a whole other story..). I think we'll just have to keep it with us and argue it out later if it becomes an issue. In that she has at least handed the old one over this time (and even she isn't spiteful enough to prevent DSS going on holiday) we'll just have to hope for the best!

OP posts:

purpleroses · 10/07/2012 15:58

To be fair, I think it's your job to check with her that the passport's in date - not the ex's to remember to check on your behalf. Would think it's fair that she pays or at least splits the cost with you if she's likely to take him abroad herself at some point, but if she has no plans to do so, then it's reasonable enough to expect you to pay as part of your holiday cost.

I'm not sure where you stand legally. As an RP I always assume ownership of my DC's passpors and tbh - even though I don't for a second think my ex would run off with them - I would feel it's my right to do this - it's a form of ID that is useful for things such as GP application. But I do pay for them too.

If you pay for it, then it would probably be fair enough to hold onto it and see what she says.

You'll need the ex's passport number to put on the application by the way, as well as your DP's.

bonnymiffy · 10/07/2012 16:10

Hi Roses, she has had several months notice of the fact that we're going to France, and has known all along that his passport expired last year, although I'm surprised at myself for not making a copy of it last time we went away 2 years ago (in case of theft/loss and ease of getting a replacement). Anyway, I'll consider that a lesson learned. I would agree with you about splitting the cost, but she isn't as reasonable as you obviously are, and as she is unlikely to be leaving the country for a while then I'm happy to accept it as a holiday cost - it's not that which annoys, more the fact that with more notice we'd be paying the standard fees rather than the fast-track ones. she has at least co-operated with providing the information on her passport. And yes, we'll certainly be hanging onto it until it becomes an issue! I guess I was asking on a theoretical basis, really.

OP posts:

TobyLerone · 10/07/2012 16:14

It's a bit of a petty thing to argue over, tbh. My XH argues about it with me all the time and it's all about control.

It should be passed from parent to parent, depending on who is taking them away.

bonnymiffy · 10/07/2012 16:31

Hi Toby, I agree it would be a petty thing to argue about, that wasn't the reason for my OP. I was just curious really. It'll probably be his last child's passport anyway, so after that it'll be his own responsibility!

OP posts:

AmberLeaf · 10/07/2012 16:36

Definitely down to who ever is taking the holiday to check documents are valid! Don't think you can blame her for this tbh.

Why would you want to keep it though? Why would it matter?

bonnymiffy · 10/07/2012 16:42

Amber, yes, obviously, we should have checked. Bit difficult when it's not in our possesion and you've asked the person who has it to check for you. what else do I do? Go to her house and empty her drawers? I asked a theoretical question and now I'm getting my head chewed off. I'm not planning to have any arguments with DSS's mother, I was just asking on the basis that we're paying, but aren't RP's who in theory the thing belongs to. That's all. I'm not planning on withholding it if she wants to take DSS away.

OP posts:

AmberLeaf · 10/07/2012 16:57

Ah ok. I don't think you've had your head chewed off at all though tbh.

You just seemed dead set on keeping the passport.

TobyLerone · 10/07/2012 17:23

If we had all said "it should belong to the mother", would you have given her the new one after your holiday?

Also, you think you're getting your head chewed off? You must be new here

theredhen · 10/07/2012 20:08

Dp paid for all passports for his kids as well as copy birth Certificates as ex wife wouldn't provide them. ex wife asked for passports as she "needed I'd" for the kids, that was a year ago and we haven't had them back. She has never taken the kids abroad despite years of promising. I have no problem with her asking for then but feel they belong with the parent who has forked out for them and who actually has taken them abroad!

brdgrl · 10/07/2012 20:39

I would thihk that documents like this 'belong' with the RP, although they belong 'to' the child. As for who pays, I suppose if the other parent is the one who feels it is a neccessary expense on DSS's behalf, then that parent pays, but then hands it over to the RP as it is for DSS's use. That's certainly what I would expect in regards to my own DD.

If the non-RP had an issue with that and wanted to be petty about it, I guess the document could pass back and forth with the child, but that seems a bit silly. Ideally, it seems to me that one parent ought to hold all the child's essential/original documents, and that ought to be the RP, with copies to the other parent.

ohchristFENTON · 11/07/2012 10:38

Head chewed off LOLZ

The document really belongs to the child, and really this should then stay with the RP.

In our case the passports stayed with the RP until we were due to take the children abroad - then after the holiday we kept them until she asked for them for the next holiday she was taking them on, then she hung on to them after that and so on.

As far as the cost, it has worked out that we have taken it in turns to pay for the replacements as they have expired.

bonnymiffy · 11/07/2012 11:26

Well, it seems that opinion is divided - those of us who have paid but aren't RPs think that it should stay with us, those of you who are RPs think it should stay with them. I imagine that in our case it will happen like oh's. It seems that those of us who post on here are the ones for whom the ex (whether exP or DP/DH's ex) cause us problems, rather than being the ones who are the trouble makers, so we are keen to see the documents stay mainly with us. Of course I wouldn't withhold it to spite her - firstly I'm not spiteful and secondly the only person to suffer would be DSS. I think I will get DH to ask at the passport office what the exact position is when he goes to apply for it tomorrow!

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 11/07/2012 11:32

I am official Keeper of the Passports but I have no issues with handing them over to XH. As RP I do all the adminy stuff so it makes sense.

theredhen · 11/07/2012 11:37

Yep, I have an ok relationship with my ex and I paid for and keep the passport but would gladly hand it over if my ex needed it for our DS, with absolute confidence in getting it back.

However DP ex is a whole different kettle of fish.

brdgrl · 11/07/2012 20:14

Well, I should say that I am not separated from my partner, so my opinion that it should stay with the RP isn't based on my being an RP. I just think that is the right thing, as the document belongs to the child and it is irrelevant who has paid for it.

Sassybeast · 11/07/2012 21:05

How do you know that she knew it was expired months ago ?
Cos if you knew she knew it was expired, then you ALSO knew it was expired. So should have sorted it.
You need it first, so you renew it. Then if his mum needs it, you hand it over with good grace. It's not that complicated

notsonambysm · 14/07/2012 15:19

I'm confused... even if it were your property as the person who paid for it - the child can't have two so if Mum wanted to take himm away you'd have to give it to her then anyway. If she is the type to wihhold it from you then she will do so at that stage anyway. So why not just give it to her when you get back and ask for it if ever you go away again?

If she asks for it that is. If not then just keep hold of it.

Surely it's the child's belonging, regardless of ho has paid. To be given if ever they need to go abroad with either parent/ school/ a friend...

I also think that you should have checked it was in date. My ex is taking DD away this year, he hasn't asked me if her passport is in date so i haven't though to check. Bad enough having to remember to check such things in order to organise my own life never mind his!! (Although I will now you've made me think of it as she'd be devastated if she couldn't go!)

notsonambysm · 14/07/2012 15:22

Sorry, so did you ask her to check the date and she either lied and said it was in date, or refused to tell you?
Or did you not think to ask her, and are now annoyed that she didn't think to check herself?
Or did you forget to ask her, but think she did check and then deliberately withheld the information from you tomake a point?

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