DP asked me this rather odd, inappropriate question this morning

[Tylerm]

In August we are going on a family holiday to turkey. Going will be me, DP, DSD (14) and my DD (12). This morning I was telling him about my recent eye-brow wax and said I would book an appointment to get the bikini line done so that as it gets closer to august - I will be used to it. He then said "oh yes, I should book DD in too". I was confused at this point and said "what do you mean?" and he said his DD would also need a bikini wax doing before the holiday. She's 14!!
I'm not sure why but this made me feel so uncomfortable. We have had many issues with him treating her as the other adult in the house and giving her "spousal duties" but this just made me feel weird. Or am I old fashioned???

[Rollerbaby]

Er in a word yeah! For one men do not worry about hair removal of the opposite sex least of all their daughters ! I find this weirdly inappropriate in the extreme. How long have you been together?

[Tylerm]

Thank god it's not just me. He reacted very embarrassed when he realised my shock. I said something about "if it's a problem for her she's simply not wearing enough at that age!" and he said "really??" This is what I mean about the spouse thing. I wouldn't dream of suggesting to DD that she might want a bikini wax before we go on holiday. What exactly would I be assuming she's going to get upto out there!?

[LadyNada]

"spousal duties?"

[grumpypants]

What exactly would I be assuming she's going to get upto out there!?

Wearing a bikini maybe? Having a wax doesn't imply immediate sexual activity. Maybe she would want to get her legs done beforehand? My dd has been doing legs and eyebrows for ages, and she's 13. It's not that weird an idea.

[Rollerbaby]

I don't think it's outrageous for her to want one whatever the reason, but it's very odd for her own father to even think that's something she might need. I would have alarm bells going off definitely. Even if he likes his ladies waxed, his pubescent daughter is a completely different thing.

[TimothyClaypoleLover]

I don't think its weird for a 14 year old to want a bikini wax but do think its a bit weird your DP going on about it. Although it may be his DD is fairly open with him and mentioned she will be getting waxed first rather than your DP instigating the discussion.

[Rollerbaby]

And to say he'd book it?????

[Tylerm]

Yeah it's normal for a teen to want these things but is it normal for their own father to suggest it??

[TheFeministsWife]

Interesting first post.

[grumpypants]

It all depends on context doesn't it? If he's been a single parent od a teen dd for a while, maybe this stuff has come up before, and you mentioning it reminded him? No idea.

[seeker]

"spousal duties"?????

[thisisyesterday]

maybe he was just thinking "oh gosh, i hadn't thought of hair removal, maybe DD needs that too"??? if she will be wearing a bikini/swimsuit

why shouldn't he suggest it? would it be ok if it was her mum who had suggested it?
should men merely be inept at child-rearing and pretend to know nothing of what their children may like/need?

[thisisyesterday]

and yes do elaborate on spousal duties

[Tylerm]

Spousal duties was probably the wrong phrase but I mean he treats her like a spouse sometimes. Lets her do the shopping lists without asking me for instance, allowed her to choose the paint for the hallway when he knew I wanted some input into it, just little things like that.

[TimothyClaypoleLover]

Don't see anything wrong with letting her write a shopping list or choose paint. Does she live with you? If not, maybe he just wants her to feel part of the household.

[seeker]

Bizarre intrptation of spousal duties!

A 14 year old needs to take some responsibility towards the household she lives in.

But the bikini wax thing is very odd. Can't bear the thought of anyone suggesting to a 14 year old that she might need one- different if it came from her.

[mamalovesmojitos]

Very odd . I don't know why...maybe it was an innocent question but it feels wrong. I can't imagine any dad saying that.

[IAmBooyhoo]

well this realy depends on what sort of relationshi they have. personally i dont see anything wrong with a 14 year old having her bikini line trimmed. i also dont see anything wrong with that 14 year old asking her parent to make an apointment for her if it was her first wax so if this is something she has had done in the past then perhaps he is pre-empting the fact that his DD will want an appointment made.

[Petal02]

A couple of points here: I understand the issue of spousification ? if the 14 yr old daughter is being allowed to choose groceries or paint colours instead of the adult partner getting to choose, then this is totally wrong and undermines the adult. In a together household, the adults call the shots, the kids are further down the food chain.

But as for bikini waxing ????.. words fail me. I felt very uncomfortable reading the post, and it does indeed sound like he treats her like an adult partner in some ways.(please don?t think I?m suggesting anything sexual, cos I?m not). Surely a father doesn?t normally get involved with something like that for his daughter ? perish the thought? My father would have run a mile rather than talk about periods when I was a teenager, let alone waxing. What?s the next suggestion? That the OP books the girl in for a vagazzle?????

[IAmBooyhoo]

"My father would have run a mile rather than talk about periods when I was a teenager"

which isn't normal either and sends the message that periods and anything to do with 'girl parts' are something to be squeamish about and run away from ever discussing. whereas a healthy relationshi will mean a child/teen feels able to discuss natural bodily functions and the changes they are going through with either or both of their parents. remember that lots of girls dont have mothers, who are they to talk to then? my boys dont have their father around am i to be too afraid to mention anything remotely related to their genitals for fear that 'people' think there is something sinister in it or is it just because this is a man we're talking about that people think it's wrong?

[BlingLoving]

We need more context. Where is DSD's mother? Does she live with you or only part of the time? Do you, DSD and DP treat you as a mother figure of sorts?

I can easily imagine a situation where a single father of a DD may be more conscious of his DD's body issues than other fathers may be. Just because me and my dad never discussed getting my period, for example, doesn't mean he wasn't aware of it when it happened. If my mum had not been around, I may well have gone to him instead of her.

So I think it's all about context here which is lacking from the OP.

[Petal02]

Actually, I think my father's squeamish-ness towards any 'women's things' in relation to his daughters is actually quite normal. I remember being a teenager, and none of my friends would have discussed that sort of stuff with their Dad. That's what Mums, stepmum, sisters and aunties did. I find it totally creepy that a man suggests his teenager daughter might want a bikini wax.

[colditz]

I remember being a teenager and getting my dad to buy my sanpro as he always bought branded, and my mum bought cheapass crap ones.

Clearly he was lusting after my genitals the whole time