DSS seems to have finally decided that he has had enough - he didn't want to talk to his mum when she called, DP explained that it might be best until he sees the counsellor that she gives him some space, and she has gone loopy; threatening to turn up on the doorstep, withhold contact etc etc, and has demanded to speak to DSS so he can "tell her himself".
DP has spoken to DSS and he has said that he wants to tell his mum not to call when he's here (there is a HUGE back-story regarding phone calls to him here and DSS often goes several days at a time without seeing/speaking to her even when he is with her when he is left in grandmas care anyway).
DSS mum has been deluging the house with calls, and as one of those calls has been answered, I'm assuming that DSS is telling his mum that indeed, he would prefer her not to call 
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It's all gone horribly wrong
NotaDisneyMum · 29/12/2011 17:27
Not going to happen - so many people have tried - the GP (she refused to talk to him), the school, and I've never forgotten the sight of her standing in front of her barrister wagging her finger and yelling in the public area of family court; it was embarrassing 
She refuses to accept things she doesn't like - her attitude seems to be that she is right, and the rest of the world is wrong 
He's just eight - there is court ordered residency with BM and contact with DP after DP went to court when she withheld contact 2 years ago.
We've been keeping a diary since then - Fortunately, DSS first counselling appointment is the day before he goes back to his mums and both parents intend to be there (she said that she is going to make sure she tells the counsellor her 'side') so if the counsellor thinks there are concerns about him going to his mums, it can be dealt with there.
She has made it clear that she will not allow DSS to come here again; and DP is more than prepared to take her back to court if she breaches the order!
Eugh - what a way to end one year/begin another! I am also expecting court paperwork to drop through the door regarding my DD - exH wants to change arrangements for her ( she's 50:50 at the moment) but he hasn't told me what he wants to change it too!
random the scene at the school gate when they both turn up to collect him next week would put DP off; it would be nasty and unpleasant and unfortunately, the school are unlikely to remain impartial and protect DSS from witnessing it
We've become pretty resilient and tend to apply long-term strategy rather than quick-win reaction when it comes to the DCs (and ex's). So far, it has always paid off, but no, it's not easy
The good news is that DSS is behaving like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders since he spoke to his mum - I even got a hug earlier; my first for over 6 months 
DSS is certainly much, much less anxious over the last couple of days - his comfort level with me has improved immensely 
Very similar stories - my DP dealt with his realisation that he was a 'domestic abuse victim' - the emotional abuse he was subject to has left scars that will never heal completely.
He got a lot of help from his employee support service, and we openly talk about it - we both have 'baggage', and deal with it together!
DSS has progressed incredibly over the last couple of days - he is more like the child I knew a year ago obviously that first step has brought him a great deal of relief
DP and I do sometimes wonder 'is it us?' We've both have difficulties with our exP - despite reading the books, taking advice and attending courses/workshops. Sometimes we wonder if it's us that is the problem
OK, now I'm p*ssed off 
In response to his request that she call less often because he didn't want to be continually be reminded about how much she misses him, DSS mum agreed with him that she would call him every other day. She called yesterday, and it seemed to go ok.
So, today, his sister - who has not called, spoken, visited or even acknowledged our home for a year, called and very rudely demanded to speak to him. .
Apparently, she is playing DSS favourite Wii game and has got stuck so needed his help.
We've been through that Random
There have been on and off issues about phone calls for over a year; DSS mum made it very clear to him that he must talk to her when she calls him when he's here, because her job means that she won't be able to talk to him when he calls her, she'll call him when she is free.
This led to a situation where DSS was on edge every time the phone rang, and even began speaking to someone who had called for DP - I had answered the phone, gone to get DP, and DSS had rushed down the stairs and begun speaking to the caller on the other end assuming it was his mum!
We even unplugged the phone except for certain times each day for a few visits; but DP and I run businesses from home now, so thats not an option
When DSD visited, her mum would call and text her on her mobile phone constantly; it was impossible for DSD to have any time with her dad without being reminded how much her mum missed her, and how she should "make the best of it" until she went home again. We are fully expecting DSS to be bought a mobile phone now - but we've already put rules in place regarding DD's mobile and the same will apply to DSS 
There will undoubtedly be a face-to-face confrontation between DP and his exW at DSS counselling session on Tuesday, and DP is going to self-refer to a mediation service - his exW has refused numerous times, but if she does so again this time, it will be more evidence that she is bonkers doesn't want to help DSS no matter what she says to the counsellor/GP/school.
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Well, DP and DSS have just gone off in a force 10 gale to the counselling appointment - DSS gave me a fabulous smile as he said goodbye to me
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