OK, can someone just tell me whether these types of things are behaviour you'd let slide for a 6 year old DSS who is generally well behaved but does seem to be gradually getting less and less so, or whether you'd stay on top of this stuff to avoid it getting even worse later on? Generally DSS and I get on well, we have fun together, he is respectful towards me, we've had no big problems - but there are occasionally issues. They're minor issues, but two of them happened this evening, when I was already feeling down and they made me feel worse. Would really like feedback:
- DSS was snacking on raw veg while he was watched cartoons as we prepared dinner. Anyway, wandering into the living room I saw that he had eaten half the plate and I warned him to leave some for the rest of us (often said this before, and he's always been scrupulously fair and very proud about only taking his fair share). But this time he kept going. So after a couple more minutes I said "just choose one more thing, then that's enough". He took two things. I said, no just one thing. He brightly said "OK!" and put one back. I turned around to go back into the kitchen, and saw him take THREE more things, out of the corner of my eye. I called him on it and he basically mumbled something but didn't do anything, just stayed glued to his cartoon. I asked him why he had done that, and why he had lied to me, and asked him to put two of the things back. He mumbled again and did nothing. DP had gone off to take care of something in another part of the house at the time. I had to get back to the dinner, DSS was engrossed in his cartoon, I just let the whole thing drop but removed the rest of the snacks.
10 minutes later:
- DP still in another part of the house doing something else. Dinner is ready. DP shouts to start without him. I served up our dinner and told DSS to turn off the cartoon to eat his dinner. He said OK, in that "half-listening, mostly-hypnotised-by-the-TV" voice, but did nothing. I told him again. He didn't respond. I told him again, more crossly, at which point he said he was going to wait for his dad before eating. I said it would get cold, and to turn off the cartoon and eat his dinner. He repeated that he wanted to wait for his dad. I left it, and ate without him. Then 10m later when his dad arrived, he turned off the cartoon at his request and looked at his dinner plate. He barely ate anything because "it was cold" and "he wasn't hungry anyway" (probably because he had eaten a ton of raw veg just before). No comments from DP on this, he let it go.
...So. I know it's minor stuff. But it bothers me, because it does seem that DSS is becoming more generally naughty recently, and I know his mother has been having problems with him too. But none of it is big stuff...and if you take serious action, he'll generally fall into line. Problem is, never having to do it before, I don't feel comfortable escalating my reprimands to the next level required to get him to respond. I just don't feel like I have the...right. Or the knowledge/experience to see whether these types of things are just behaviour that is best let slide at age 6 or best confronted. DP isn't a Disney dad exactly - he does tell his DSS off when needed - but it's more ad-hoc instead of on a consistent basis. He can get away with it more too, because DSS is generally more well behaved for him than for anyone else (including his mother). Thus far, DP and I haven't needed to talk in too much detail about my role in disciplining DSS, because it hasn't really been an issue. However, I can see that it's starting to be one, and we need to talk about it. But before I do that, just wanted to try to get some perspective on this type of stuff. Maybe I'm just overreacting to the whole thing because I'm already in a bit of a bad mood, and this is just stuff that you would generally let drop with a 6 year old? Please tell me if so!
