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when to introduce DSS to my family?

(13 Posts)
puddlemeduck Wed 28-Sep-11 19:31:04

My OH has a 2 yo DS (he has sole custody - DS's 'mum' is not in the picture)

Was just wondering when would be a point to introduce DSS(?) to my family - informally obviously.

What did others do?

piprabbit Wed 28-Sep-11 19:37:24

What are you thinking of when you say family? Your own DCs, or your parents, or the whole extended clan?

puddlemeduck Wed 28-Sep-11 19:40:16

I have no DCs (only 28)
Only immediate family really. DParents and DSis (Whom I am very close to)
Not extende, including DBro (who hasn't even met OH yet - lives far far away)

piprabbit Wed 28-Sep-11 19:43:00

I think I'd leave the decision up to your OH as there is only his child involved.
Sounds like a cop out - sorry.

puddlemeduck Wed 28-Sep-11 19:52:02

pip not a cop out at all.
It is just he doesn't know either.
Do we just do it now or do we wait until after christmas.
We have been together for a while so we just don't know. Or even how

exoticfruits Wed 28-Sep-11 19:58:01

I would do it now, but casually whenever you were thinking of seeing them yourself.

brdgrl Wed 28-Sep-11 20:57:50

Am I right in thinking that you are dating but not living together? And that you are asking because you are wondering about the impact on DSS (rather than how your own family will react, I mean)?

I'd say you could introduce them any time - what matters more than when, is how. I guess what it comes down to is, bluntly, are you and your OH permanent? If so, it woudl be natural for DSS to know your family. If you aren't 100% positive yet, then keep it light - don't let your parents act as surrogate grandparents yet.

exoticfruits Wed 28-Sep-11 21:42:43

Just introduce them the way that you would anyone-both sides need time to develop their own relationship.

puddlemeduck Wed 28-Sep-11 22:22:08

brdgrl yep dating but not living together (has been brought up though) permanent ? - yeah, we are.
As you said asking because of DSS not my family reactions.

exoticfruits Wed 28-Sep-11 22:27:46

I agree-keep it light-just introduce as your family.

cat64 Wed 28-Sep-11 22:50:58

Message withdrawn

chelen Thu 29-Sep-11 10:23:12

Hi, with mine we just went along to something that was happening - family birthday - (ss was 4) and included him as we would if we were going to a friend's house or the supermarket or anything.

From our experience my family has been mostly positive for my SS, have taken him on fun hols and provided extra cousins to play with. Unfortunately I have a 'difficult' mother so I have had to be very firm when she oversteps the mark with SS as she has openly challenged my OH before.

i think especially if SS' mum is not around, which may also mean her whole family are not involved? - then extra people who will be nice to your SS will only be a good thing.

It takes a long time to build close relationships so dont put too much pressure on and if your SS doesn't take to them at first then don't worry. My SS can blow a hot and cold depending how he feels either about me/my family or his mum/her family but we just plough on as they are part of his wider family now, for better or worse.

ladygagoo Thu 29-Sep-11 11:15:03

My DSS met my family not long after he met me, was fine, we went to my Mum's for a cup of tea and cake. (DSS is a sucker for cake)

The only advice I would give is that we referred to my Mum as 'ladygagoo's mummy' and thats what he called her. Was a bit of a mouthful so in the end he called her what my DNiece and nephews call her, which is Granny. I would definitely just refer to them as whatever he would call them if he were your DC. Ask your family what they would like to be called and discuss with your OH. Children as young as your OH's DS won't attach 'weight' to the name - its just a name to them and much easier not to change it when you all get even closer.

As others have said - don't make it a big 'do' just go and see your family in a normal way, for a meal etc. Am sure he will love having even more people in his life. Good luck with it

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