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this us a little thing...

(14 Posts)
theredhen Sat 24-Sep-11 07:35:13

...but it irritates me.

Dsc all have their own rooms and own possessions. All have games consoles in their room except for the little one whohogs uses the PC. When they get pocket money or xmas money they very righteously tell DS that they save their money and don't waste it.

DS is a spender. Always researching the latest stuff on the internet. He will find out friends usernames on X box and play along with them. He doesn't just like spending money but likes to play around with things to make them better. He is currently building himself a PC from bits from friends old computers.

Dsc don't appear to have a passion for anything. Foreign holidays and theme parks are described as boring and last night dsd 2 told me she has been invited on holiday with a friend for two Weeks but she won't go because she would rather stay here on my DS games console.

When they do buy games our anything else they want they often don't open them when they get home or they play them once them straight back in DS room.

DS gets home half hour later than them and yet
dsc can't even wait till DS is home before sitting in his room playing on his things. DS does not even have the biggest room in the house.

DS has said he really doesn't mind at all and seems to like it. I hate it and feel they are being did respectful to DS and his possessions.

Does anyone else have anything similar going on?

theredhen Sat 24-Sep-11 07:36:27

Apologies for spelling mistakes. Smart phone has a mind of its own!

Finallygotaroundtoit Sat 24-Sep-11 07:44:14

Normal sibling stuff.
Be thankful that DS doesn't mind

HattiFattner Sat 24-Sep-11 07:48:39

ditto. If DS doesnt mind, then dont worry about it.

However, I would set some ground rules like:

If they break anything of his, they pay for it out of their money
WHen they leave the room, they clean up afterwards
When he says go, they leave immediately.

This way he has control over his stuff and his space.

theredhen Sat 24-Sep-11 08:30:16

I'm an only child myself so haven't got lots to compare with I suppose.

glasscompletelybroken Sat 24-Sep-11 10:11:04

If it was me I would say they can't go in DS room when he is not at home and only then if they ask first. There may well come a time when he wants more privacy or just a quiet space of his own and if they have all been used to using his room as if it was a public space than that will be harder to stop the longer it goes on.

It's about respect and courtesy - whether or not DS minds it is not acceptable behaviour from them in my view.

silverfrog Sat 24-Sep-11 10:15:31

I thkn Hatti's rules are good.

if your ds doens't mind (at the moment...) then let it carry on. it is the kind of thing that I did with my brothers (and vice versa) growing up. although we would have had to seek blanket permission first - ie "do you mind if I go and play with X when you are out?" and not allowed ot assume that becuase playing with X was ok, that playing with Y would be equally so.

your ds shoudl also be able to set rules on what (if anything) is totally out of bounds, whether that means for now (eg a new console game that eh wants to complete first) or forever (a hobby or collection that he wants to keep for himself to do)

brdgrl Sat 24-Sep-11 10:33:46

I agree with Hatti's rules, and also ith glasscompletelybroken. They should not be allowed in DS's room without his explicit permission each time, and there should definitely be rules even if DS says he does not mind.

I see this a lot with DSS. DSD takes his things without asking, wears his clothes, bosses him around, pushes him off the tv when she wants to watch something, etc, etc. DSS puts up with a lot of it, I suspect because he knows it is a losing battle, and also because he would prefer to avoid any confrontation with DSD or have her cross with him. He'll put up with a lot in exchange for DSD's company. As DSS has gotten older, and also more confident, he speaks up more often. But DSD has gotten away with it for so long, that now when DSS does complain, it is much harder to resolve. Only recently, DSS objected when he saw DSD wearing one of his shirts. DH and DSD both acted as if DSS were over-reacting, but I totally backed him up. DSD even said "but I always take his shirts!"

One last consideration - it isn't just about your DS. By having rules and expectations around this kind of stuff, you're teaching the kids how to respect other people and other people's possessions. They need that lesson, and it doesn't work if at the same time they see that the regular rules and respect don't apply to one person.

theredhen Sat 24-Sep-11 12:43:56

I did recently tell kids they must ask before using DS stuff and then DS got a text message from dsd while he was on school bus because she couldn't wait twenty mins for him to get home. Since then no one has bothered asking. Dsd just snatched something out if DS room this morning without even asking. when I tell her to buy her own she just shrugs her shoulders. Dp says he's fine with me having a word but then he will just run around and make sure she isn't inconvenienced by buying a new one. She already has two we bought for her. Both of which are now at her mums.

LaDolcheRyvita Sat 24-Sep-11 12:51:38

It's bad manners to just go into your ds's room and play without him even being there. I'd make this a basic house rule.

Your son sounds very accommodating. He's a credit to you. The others, on the other hand sound spoilt to me. Maybe they 'get too much'.

That's just my opinion.

theredhen Sat 24-Sep-11 13:52:35

I think its time to become assertive red hen and really see if dp is happy for me not just to tell them off but give some consequences too.

Thumbwitch Sat 24-Sep-11 13:57:59

It's nice that your DS is so accommodating of his (?)half-sibling's selfishness, but it's not good to let them get away with it, IMO.

Agree with the ground rules suggested by Hatti, but also that they SHOULD wait until he is home before they go into his room. He may not mind now but he might in the future and it would be much harder to stop it happening if they've been able to get away with it up until then - so set the rules out now and make them stick to them.

If they refuse, then don't allow them to use DS's stuff at all. They sound a bit lazy (letting him do all the buying/researching) and selfish (I want it, I want it now and I don't care what anyone else thinks). Bad attitudes that need to be dealt with.

theredhen Sun 25-Sep-11 08:01:16

Thanks for the replies and for putting it all in perspective. The step children do have the most appalling bad manners and they can be very selfish. But as I recently told dp, if I were to treat all the kids the same, I wouldn't stop having a go at his kids because they are so far behind in terms of manners and respect. I know DS has learnt to be not very assertive from me coupled with the fact when there were two of us he didn't have to learn to stand up for himself. there is no way I could trust any of them to own up if they broke anything belonging to DS.

Time to start teaching DS about his boundaries and although I think its a bit if a losing battle, time to start teaching the others some respect.

chelen Sun 25-Sep-11 15:11:29

Hi, I have the opposite prob really, my son loves to be in SS' room. I never let him play in the room when SS is away, but I do borrow toys that my SS has said he can borrow & bring them downstairs - there are plenty of things I would never let son have because they are special.

We are thinking of moving to a shared sleeping room and a shared toy store so hopefully that will even things out a bit, as son still has almost all toys downstairs so open season on them!

I think you're right about boundaries, good luck and I'm interested to know how it goes.

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