Some of you know my tales of woe and how often OH has his kids and isn't even in the house with them because of work or because he spends hours and hours ferrying one child around leaving me with 4 kids on my own.
He has some issues with the eldest kids as structured contact time is becoming difficult due to their social lives and (I suspect) their need to be near their friends, public transport and shops etc. I think it's the natural kids "growing up and away" that happens to most teens.
Anyway, he has been getting upset and feeling "last on the list" because of this. It has actually only impacted on 2 overnights with one child so far but you would think all of his kids had abandoned him by his "upset-ness"!
I have pointed out to him that when DSD1 is here, that he rarely actually spends any time with her anyway as she is either hiding in her room or on the pc in another part of the house. He often literally only sees her in the car when he picks her up, at meal times and when he says goodnight. So it really got me thinking about contact time and the quality of it. I would say although he has a good percentage of contact time, he really doesn't spend much quality time with any of his children. He likes to try and take them out but they rarely want to go and simply moan all the way there and back and everything in between and he won't take them out without me and DS even though I encourage him to as he says it seems odd to seperate us in to two distinct families.
I have never been a very "arts and crafts" type Mum but I have always shown an interest in anything that DS was interested in, so I have spent many an hour on the Wii or playing made up cricket type games in the garden or watching Tracey Beaker, reading spy stories or playing lego. I know DP has never done any of those type of things with his kids.
His DS has some shared interests but DP only seems to make an effort with his DS when it's something he enjoys, again pretty much unable to interact with him on something DSS is interested in if it doesn't interest DP.
So I suppose I sit here and wonder if this is just a "man thing". (I have had similar experiences in the past with ex's and their relationships with their kids) or if I just have a habit of choosing the same type of guy.
I really do wonder sometimes why we are arguing about him insisting on having more and more contact time when so often he is sitting in a room on his own (or with just me) watching tv, reading the paper or being out at work.
There is a danger of course, that I would complain about him leaving me out if he was too much the other way, maybe? Hmmm...
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Step-parenting
What does your OH spend contact time doing?
10 replies
theredhen · 07/09/2011 21:57
OP posts:
slimbo ·
11/09/2011 16:02
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