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How often do you see your stepkids?

(48 Posts)
eviekingston Sun 21-Aug-11 11:53:18

A questions for all you non-custodial stepmums - how often do your stepchildren visit/stay? Mine are 14 and 11 and they stay every other weekend, saturday morning to sunday night. We have them just under half the holidays too. Is this similar to your situations? Thanks x

ConstanceNoring Sun 21-Aug-11 12:24:21

Every other weekend, Friday after school 'til Sunday teatime, one overnight during the week, half all school hols , every bank holiday. Has been like this for 10 years , they are 16 and 18 grin

Chocster06 Sun 21-Aug-11 13:24:33

Boys age 9 and 11: pick up 6.20pm Tuesday, drop to school wed morn, pick up 6ish Fri pm, drop back after tea 6.20ish Sat. Also DH tends to take them to their footie matches on Sundays, and we have them for a week at Christmas, week at Easter, two weeks in the summer, and fri through Sunday if it's a bank hol weekend. Been like that since they were 4 and 6.

ladydeedy Tue 23-Aug-11 11:31:23

until a year ago we had them every other weekend, directly from school on Friday until 6pm on Sunday (and had to have fed them a hot meal before drop-off!). And a week at Easter, a week at Christmas/New Year holidays, two of the three half terms and half of the summer holidays. We also would have loved to have them one night during the school week (as they were in walking distance) but EXW would not allow it.

Petal02 Tue 23-Aug-11 12:01:41

SS is 17 next month - we have him Thurs 4pm-Sunday 7pm alternate weekends, and on a Wednesday night on the weeks when it's not an access weekend. The same arrangements apply during school holidays.

MinesaBottle Thu 08-Sep-11 12:29:13

Not often enough - they live very far overseas sad but we keep in touch via email. Most of my friends don't believe me when I say I'd be happy to have them with us (well the younger one (18) anyway, the older one (20) has left home now anyway. We'll be seeing them early next year though and spending a week or two in their town - DH's ex is fine with us spending time with them so am looking forward to it!

TheBreadstick Thu 08-Sep-11 14:29:14

Think I might win the 'not often enough' prize here ... every other Sunday and Mondays after school. Oh, and Boxing day afternoon ...

Having asked/offered to see DSC more, we have been repeatedly refused. Que sera ...

Libby10 Thu 08-Sep-11 16:35:42

Every Wed & Thursday plus every other weekend Friday to Monday am.

Petal02 Thu 08-Sep-11 16:38:23

Libby, that seems like a heavy schedule?

Libby10 Thu 08-Sep-11 17:25:42

Yep - we have them 50% of the time over a fortnight. DP loves his kids and wants it that way and we are lucky in that his ex has always been keen to have time to be on her own with her BF. It helps that we don't live far away but is very rigid as we had numerous problems with his ex changing things around on a weekly basis. It was hard (for me) at first - but in some ways it having them around a lot also made it easier as you are more in touch with their day to day lives.

eslteacher Sat 10-Sep-11 10:42:56

Generally every other weekend - DSS gets picked up after school on Friday and dropped off back at school on Monday morning by us.

The basic principle is half the holidays also, but in reality because of work commitments etc, a lot of that time is spent with his grandparents, ie DP's parents, (who live on the other side of the country) rather than with us.

The arrangement is flexible, it's just been worked out between DP and his ex between them, and we often swap weekends etc with each other to accomodate the other's schedule.

Lately DSS (6) has been making noises about wanting to spend more time here's difficult to see how it would be possible during the week given our work schedules, especially DPs, and I must admit I'm not thrilled at the idea of having my "free" weekends reduced...we'll see!

redfairy Sat 10-Sep-11 18:58:11

It's supposed to be every other weekend Sat am til Sunday tea time plus some holidays but has rarely worked out like that.
Usually DSD (12) and Dp's EX go incommunicado or cancel at last minute. If visits do go ahead they tend to just be for a few hours on a Saturday.
It's heartbreaking to see DH let down so frequently and makes keeping and building the bond soooo much harder. He feels he's losing his DD.

Happylander Sun 11-Sep-11 20:57:53

2 weeks of the year. Mother (use that term loosely) moved DSD away when she found out DH had met someone new. I find it incredibly hard. Harder than if she were to be here every weekend etc as I don't know her and she is unlike most children I know. It took £10,000 in court to get that as she lept refusing to turn up/agree to anything which was fine for her as she had legal aid. The system sucks!
DSD wants to come live with us but don't see how it can work out as I work shifts and DH doesn't live me during week.


Message withdrawn

thanksforlooking Sun 02-Oct-11 07:38:52

Every other weekend.

deemented Sun 02-Oct-11 07:48:23

Every other weekend, but Manshape see's him three times in the week as well.

We had him for six of the seven weeks holidays. We'd like to have him over Christmas but apperntly his mother may be going away for Christmas.... hmm

dadsgirlfriend Mon 03-Oct-11 14:18:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dearheart Mon 03-Oct-11 19:53:26

Every other weekend, Friday eve to Sunday eve. One overnight the Tuesday after the weekend we don't have him. Half the hoildays in theory - sometimes that happens, often a bit less (which is fine).

nenevomito Mon 03-Oct-11 21:06:47

Used to be 3 weekends out of 4, pick up fri after school, home sat evening or Sun morning (mum was religious so DSD had to go to church on Sunday). We'd also have her for weeks in the holidays and longer weekends if we were going away somewhere.

This changed when she was a teenager as she had a social life, so we'd have her on a more ad-hoc basis.

Machin11 Tue 04-Oct-11 19:16:44

Monday night comes to ours from school, gets picked up by his mum or SD around 6:30.
Tuesday straight from school, has tea, does football and then gets dropped off at mums around 8pm
Weds straight from school, stays over night. Goes to school from ours Thurs.
Then either Friday from school, through to Sat tea or following week, Sat tea to sunday tea.
So see him nearly every single day which is fab, he's 13!
As his mum also works away sometimes he picks which hotel (his mum and mines joke) to stay at from Monday through to Thurs.
Split the birthday down the middle, or try and do a big family event for him (combining his mum, dads and step parents family and friends)
Xmas eve his mums (one thing she won't budge on)but always ensures a call before bed and first thing in the morning, then alternate Xmas dinners with either mum or dad, and then spends from around 1pm (if having xmas lunch with us) or 3pm if not of Xmas day with us through to boxing day tea, when he has another family do. Holidays shared equally too.
Hmmm, looking at that I think we have a pretty fab relationship!

balia Wed 05-Oct-11 20:41:21

We have a 4 week schedule - week one DSS is with us Sat morn to Sun eve, week 2 Fri night till Sat lunch, week 3 Friday night to Sun eve, week 4 no contact. DH also takes DSS to football practice midweek. We get a little bit extra for holidays but are trying to work towards having a block of time so we can have a holiday together.

We had to fight really hard to get it, though!

spookshowangellovesit Fri 07-Oct-11 12:30:32

every other weekend starting on the thursday till the sunday and thursday on the week we dont have them.more inhols but its a bit of a mismash. alternate Christmases apparently but we were only just informed of that a couple of days ago. v surprised

sammyjole Wed 19-Oct-11 14:15:33

crikey I didn't realise so many people keep up the sleepovers once kids are older/late teens..... my DP's are 16 and 17 and we cant go on living apart anymore as I was struggling looking after our baby on my own alot of the time, because he wouldn't move in and give up his every other wkend with them, and neither house big enough for all of us (I have a lad of 6) and for various reasons we couldn't find anywhere bigger so now we will just see his kids whenever but not have them overnight he is moving in that age surely they dont stil need the same as young kids?

Tillyscoutsmum Wed 19-Oct-11 14:16:44

Every wednesday, every other weekend (Fri-Mon) and half the holidays. She is only 8 though

Petal02 Wed 19-Oct-11 15:00:31

Sammyjoie, like you, I didn't think that sleepovers and rigid access would continue into the late teens. However my SS is 17, and we still have exactly the same access schedule that was put in place when he was 10. SS insists on it, DH is too Disney to challenge this, and has said it will continue til SS goes to uni. It can be pretty grim sometimes.

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