SD soils herself regularly

[Mummy2May]

Hello all, this is my first ever post and I'm looking for some advice as to how me and my partner can help his daughter (6 in a few months).
My partner and his wife separated just after their daughter turned 2. It was amicable at the time but things have turned very acrimonious after the arguing over money and access to kids. Things are so bad that my partner has been advised by the police to have no direct contact with his ex, or to be alone with her at any point, as she has made several false allegations. This means they do not discuss concerns about the children (although to be fair, she refused to discuss any issues with him before their relationship reached this point).
SD is now almost 6 and I have known her for nearly 3 years now. She was almost toilet trained when I met her and became fully so a few months later. However, since summer 2009, she regularly soils herself. Her mum has treated this as a medical condition and gives her lactulose or movicol frequently. The GP has stated she suffers from severe constipation and she leaks around her hardened stools. I don't agree with mum's approach (although I do give her a herbal laxative at the start of her stays to clear her system) and would prefer to find out why this is happening. We have tried many, many different approaches but accept that we are facing a big hurdle given the relationship between mum and dad (mum has also refused mediation). There have been several unsettling factors in her life in the past few years - her dad has had another child with me, her mum has had (and split up from) 2 bfs, her mum has recently had a baby (and the kids were told to keep it a secret from us) and we are getting married very soon - so I think there is more to this than just toilet training but I may be over-analysing!
We just don't know what to do now and are very worried that she is going into year 1 and still soiling herself. We've just got back from our holiday and she actually passed a solid stool into her knickers, she was distraught. Any advice anyone?

[RitaMorgan]

So are you refusing to give her her medication when she is with you?

[K999]

If her GP has prescribed medication I wouldn't stop giving your SD it. My DD suffered from this too but tbh it righted itself in the end. It will be upsetting for her but constant reassurance and not getting upset yourself (in front of her) will help.

[TapTapTapPenny]

My advice is follow her medication and treatment to the letter, and ditch the herbal laxative.

It's not a toilet training issue at all, imo. Have you researched constipation in children? What you describe is very common, and the laxatives are a standard treatment.

If it were entirely up to you, what would you do? What do you feel isn't being done for your sdd?

[Mummy2May]

No, we're not refusing to give medication, the medication we understand (from her older brothers) is being given at home but we don't ever see it. Although it doesn't seem right to me that a small child should constantly be on medication for 2 years. I have done an awful lot of research on constipation in children and tried all the things suggested - tummy rubs, sitting her on the loo at regular times, eating lost of fruit and veg, 'rocking' on the loo, praising, rewards, ignoring, getting her to sort out her soiled underwear etc, but nothing seems to work. The herbal laxative (senna) has been approved by my own docs to give her and seems to work.
I don't know what I would do, that's why I'm on here asking for advice!!! Its not anything I've experienced with my own children and was hoping to get some ideas we hadn't thought of.

[fivegomadindorset]

It is a medical problem DD has same problem same age and same length if time and has been on medication for It for that length of time. No further ideas as we to are getting frustrated. I do think you need to get your pena supply of the medicine so you can continue with It while she is with you.

[Mummy2May]

Wow, so your daughter has been on lactulose for 2 years? I think one of the reasons I worry about this is that my mum-in-law also takes this and I think 65 year old women shouldn't be on the same stuff as 5 year olds!
I do worry about SD though as she was so upset about pooing in her knickers on holiday - she told me she couldnt' stop it, it just came out. And this makes me worry about how she might be at school, etc.

[usualsuspect]

I think you should just let her mum and her mums gp deal with it
lactulose and movacol are standard treatments for child constipation

[glasscompletelybroken]

letting her mum deal with it is fine if she sends over the childs medication with her. As she doesn't seem to be doing that then it is difficult for the OP and her DP to manage. Are you able to get a prescription for her so she can have a supply at your house? I wouldn't worry about the medication - the main thing is to get her over this as painlessly as possible.

Also - have you tried dried apricots - in my experience they are the best natural laxative!

[fivegomadindorset]

Do you have the contact details for her GP? DD is at the momentcrying in pain on the sofa as we haven't given her Senakot(she is on that and not MOvicol) for a couple of days. If she isn't getting anything on a daily basis when she is with you then she will go back to square one again. It is a long asn as I have said frustrating process. We have tried everything you have above but not getting anywhere either. We also have the problem that if she thinks she needs to poo then she will wet herself rather than go as well as soiling herself.

DD's school have been great with her, they know what is going on, she goes with a change of clothes everyday and sometimes she needs them and sometimes doesn't.

[Mummy2May]

Thank you glass and five, haven't tried the dried apricots yet but I do try to regularly get her drinking prune juice! I also give senakot, the weird thing is that she says her tummy isn't hurting, yet she still appears to be chronically constipated.
I may be a bit paranoid here but I get the feeling I'm being judged by some because I'm not her natural parent. Her dad, who has as much say in her upbringing as mum, feels the same as I do and is upset at not being able to deal with this situation effectively. I did actually post this in the 'step-parenting' thread as I am fully aware that I am not the mum here but we do regularly have to deal with the problem. We simply want to find a way to help SD ( and I had wondered if the situation between her parents might be contributing to her soiling in the same way as her bedwetting might be linked to stress which is why I posted the details).

[fivegomadindorset]

The other thing that was suggested to us was that every time she wnet for a wee to practise pushing every time she did one. We sit with Edie and ask her to push 20 times, feeling her abdomen nothing comes out but she tried. It is getting her used to wanting to poo on the loo, not that she ever did.

I will admit that I was like this and got better but think I was about 8 when I vageuly stopped although still had incidents after that. I thought it was psychological with DD but aparently not.

It might not be a case of that she is still constipated but the fact that the constipation has passed but she needs to retrain her bowels to go once or twice a day instead of little and often and soiling pants.

Can you tell yet that we have been going through this for what seems like forever?

[stripeywoollenhat]

surely your partner is entitled to talk to your sd's gp about this? because on the face of it, it sounds a bit to me like her mother is putting the argument she has with her ex ahead of her daughter's health, and that's just unfair to the little girl.

[fivegomadindorset]

Slimbo, I feel your pain, DD is 5.5 and still gets thorugh3 to 4 nappies a day.

Lactulose softens the stools, so while it is horrible it takes away the pain of pooing, while the movicol/sena helps with the movements.

You do need to work in conjunction with her own GP to make sure that she gets the same dose with you aswell as her mother's. Can her brother find out what dose she is taking and then you can have a chat with your GP.