domestic bliss? a good step-post!(4 Posts)
Dare I say this, or will I jinx things...?
Just had a reasonably good weekend with the kids and DH, and am feeling optimistic for the first time
in ages ever. On Saturday we were all planning to go on an outing with some friends and their baby. DSS did not want to go. This is an on-going problem with DSS - he doesn't want to do anything apart from play his xbox, and refuses most family outings, including some things which I think should be non-optional. DH doesn't like it, but never seems to know how to deal with it. I think there are times when he should just say 'right, put on your shoes, we're doing xyz', but he tends to ask DSS for things rather than to tell him, and the result is always the same. A related issue is that we have been telling DSS he needs to do more 'activities' - he can choose what he wants to do, but he's not to stay in on the xbox 15 hours a day. Again, though, DH is reluctant to follow through in any way. Well, this weekend DH and I talked it all through as a team (yay!) and DH ended up saying to him that he had a choice of coming with us, or giving up his Sunday to do a physical activity with DH. DSS chose not to come, so today DH dragged him off to the pool (and I do mean dragged). DSS also got an overdue talking-to about how he was expected to do things with the family sometimes whether he liked it or not, and was put on notice that next time, he may not get a choice about it. It felt like progress, anyway.
Meanwhile, DSD went off to a sleepover on Friday night and
we DH did not rearrange our plans to suit her on Saturday morning. She wanted to come with us, so she had to arrange to leave her sleepover that morning to do so. She came along, and was amazingly calm and non-demanding and sweet. She was helpful with baby DD without being overbearing. She was charming with the other adults without being in everyone's face. It was such a different experience from the way things used to be. On Saturday evening I actually got an email from the couple we went with, telling me exactly that - how she seemed like a different kid from a couple of years ago, so pleasant to be around! And the good attitude continued all day today.
AND, DH and I are talking about stuff and coming up with solutions, instead of just arguing in circles. I wonder if this can last...
oh, i definitely jinxed it!!! pretend you never saw this...
Great news for you, I have a sullen 9 Y.O. step son who is also glued to Xbox. Our problem is if we make him do something that he doesnt want to do (which is pretty much anything) he will tell his mother he doesn't want to see his father the following week. Then she pulls out the 'pay more and you can see him more' card.
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