We've just had a very difficult weekend with DSS7 - and DP is wondering whether he is trying to achieve the impossible.
DP and his exW have very different parenting styles - which has already led to the estrangement of DP's 13 yr old daughter, who prefers her mums "free range" style parenting to the expectations and consequences that DP has in our home.
DSS is emotionally quite "young" for his age - in particular in relation to his manners (particularly at the table) and his personal responsibility when out (he expects to be led by the hand and would actually follow someone under a bus, I'm sure!).
DP tries really hard to give him opportunities to develop independence and develop skills to match his peers - but DSS is only here for four nights a fortnight (Thursday after school to Monday school drop-off).
After a particularly difficult weekend, DSS has indicated that he prefers his mums house to here, because "there are no consequences at Mums, when me or C (his sister) do something wrong, all mum does is yell at us"
IMO, DP is not being tough on DSS at all - he expects basic manners (please, thank you etc), simple personal care tasks (brush teeth, wash hands before dinner), there are a few crucial (and simple) house rules in relation to the dogs, and finally, DP expects DSS to be honest. The consequence for DSS blatantly lying to a teacher in front of DP last week (about washing his hands before sitting down at breakfast club) was that DP docked his pocket money by £1 for this week. (it was linked to money because DSS had picked up a penny outside school and quite reasonably, DP had told him that it was dirty and he would need to wash before eating).
Any thoughts? Is DP fighting against the tide? Should he just make the time DSS has with him enjoyable, without trying to teach/influence DSS? isn't this just becoming the Disney Dad he is desperate to avoid?
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48 replies
NotaDisneyMum · 25/07/2011 08:36
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