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dp and sdd not talking but she's talking to me and bday coming up

(4 Posts)
confusedstepmum Sun 10-Jul-11 19:32:36

namechanged for this one as a bit too many recognisable details..

well a couple of issues I'm struggling with at the moment... Basically my sdd has cut herself off from my dp. I do understand why she's upset with him and to be honest my relationship with him is pretty rocky at the moment. However I reckon that their relationship is not unsalvagable and that she has also done some pretty bad things. And indeed that some of the things she accuses my dp of are not entirely fair.

She's 18 so hoping this is also a kind of late teenage rebellion.

Well I carried on meeting up with her from time to time because, although my dp was against it (and this caused some significant tension between us) I reckoned she was a confused and upset teenager basically and that it was better to keep some lines of communication open rather than wait for her to apologise (which needs to be done for one or two things) and then get talking.

Now it's her birthday in a few weeks and there's a book series that I have been giving her one of every year. She didn't get me something for my birthday but have been wondering if I should get her the next book as a kind of token of continuity of the family relationship? I feel a kind of reluctance to do so though because sometimes I feel she kind of takes the piss but .. maybe I should also lead by example if you know what I mean?

Also how sustainable it is to continue meeting up with her if she's refusing to see DP???

NotaDisneyMum Sun 10-Jul-11 21:26:56

My DSD13 has refused to see DP for about a year - gave him an ultimatum, her or me.
Until they sort it out, and she is prepared to engage with me in an appropriate manner, I am staying well out of it - she has txt me a couple of times when she needs/wants something, or just to get a reaction from me, but I've not responded.

Probably a bit different because your DSD is older, but if your DH is not supportive of your relationship, it could cause more problems than it solves hmm

brdgrl Sun 10-Jul-11 21:27:38

I don't know about the rest of it, but I do think you should give her the book. (from you, not you and your dp.) It will be a Statement if you don't. No matter what direction things go in, can you actually see yourself regretting doing it? Whereas you might regret it later if you don't. :shrug:

confusedstepmum Sun 10-Jul-11 22:09:28

notadisneymum I know what you mean, but in this case she doesnt have an issue with me at all, just stuff DP did or she thought he did if you know what I mean. I feel like I've been helping her through some of it and that it might lead her towards talking to DP. But he thinks that it's making things take longer because she doesn't feel so cut off.. imo that's all about him rather than him making a real effort to work out what's going on.

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