in need of advise about step-children(5 Posts)
i'm asking in behalf of my bf as well as myself,
I have a 3 year old son and my bf is not his biological father, me and my bf started off as very close mates known each other for ages and our relationship has just gotten stronger and closer and he has been around for my son since he was born. my son has always known him by first name terms but just recently has started to use the name 'daddy' now and again, but my son corrects himself straight away. I'm just after some advise/ help on how to encourage or help him understand that it is ok for him to call my bf 'daddy' if that is what he would like to do. me and the bf have talked and are happy for him to say mummy and daddy but not sure how to go about it.
thank you for reading hope you can help us.
with my SS we always said you can call me mum, stepmum, firstname, whatever you like. You can change your mind as often as you like.
I've found it changes quite often - definitely don't get mummy after I've told him off for something!
This is tricky, my SD lives with her mum and definitely knows I'm just 'firstname'. Sometimes she'll call me mummy, in the context of pretend e.g. she'll say we're just like a real family. But she knows who her real mum is, I love being called mummy but it's a slippery slope for me psychologically since she's not mine and never will be - names mean nothing and everything at the end of it all. As long as you don't ever detract from who the real parents are, I can't imagine it's harmful to allow extra mums and dads in the relationship, at the end it's the child's choice really. I'd certainly never encourage her either way. Sorry, that's probably not very helpful... good luck!
I first met by DSS when he was 2.5yrs - so a similar age. I'm generally called by my first name but I'll get called Mummy by mistake sometimes - the kids just get confused moving between parents and so I'll get called Mummy, or sometimes Daddy, if they're in a rush to ask for something, and my DP will get called Mummy too.
I'd just leave it really loose with your little man - no big 'chat', just a mention of 'you can call BF daddy if you want to' the next time he uses the name.
My DSD (age 5) also calls me mummy every now and again. I've know her for about 3 years and it's something that went from being the occaisional mistake to her starting to question what to call me - first name? mummy? I've just been honest and said technically I could be her stepmum, but not her real mum and that whatever she likes to call me is fine.
Just one question, is your son's biological dad in the picture? Would he be hurt if your son was calling someone else Daddy permanently?
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