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Is it possible for there to be no contact between households?

(5 Posts)
NotaDisneyMum Fri 24-Jun-11 18:01:37

DSS7's mum told my SO today that she doesn't want him to contact her about issues relating to DSS anymore - because he doesn't agree with her and decides on his own how to deal with a situation.

She accused him of going behind her back when he arranged counselling for DSS after she had said that DSS "didn't need it" and that he would be going behind her back if he went ahead and replaced the school shoes that are too small for him.

I don't think she means "going behind her back" because he's always made it clear to her what he intends to do - but she has told him that she doesn't want to know and not to try and discuss things with her anymore!

Can this be achieved? I realise it is a world away from the ideal situation that is "best for the children" but I'm struggling to see how it could work in practice - does anyone actually do this?

DSS is with us from Thursday after school to Monday morning every other week and half of all school holidays.

SingingTunelessly Fri 24-Jun-11 19:04:06

Sorry I'm not sure what an "SO" is?

Regarding your question of contact between households I can see how it could be at a minimum i.e. pick-ups/drop-offs/holidays which is what a lot of relationships are like between Xs. I really can't see how it can be less than that though tbh.

Lonnie Fri 24-Jun-11 20:26:48

no I dont think it can work I think yu need to get a mediator to speak with and work out something that is suitable.. If she is willing off course

not .sure how she sees you sorting stuff out that way

Smum99 Fri 24-Jun-11 21:21:00

I think it depends on the child's age (teen as opposed to 7 year old). Does depend on what communication she is referring to - verbal, email, contact book, contact order. If all communication then it isn't workable.

Feels like the ex is unhappy with the lack of control - some RP do feel that they 'own' all the decisions concerning the child rather than shared view. I think your partner should ask for some mediation since it is in the child's best interests if both parents communicate. I think counselling should be a joint decision (along with schooling and other key issues) but shoes, surely that doesn't need the sanction of the RP??

btw, children grow up - they get older and quickly realise which parent is being obstructive and it will impact on their relationship with the child. Short term gain (if you fail to be reasonable to the other parent) for long term pain.

NotaDisneyMum Fri 24-Jun-11 21:25:33

Lonnie - she has refused mediation on several occasions - eventually went when her solicitor convinced her to because otherwise it would look bad in court and deviated from the parenting agreement that they drew up within the first 6 weeks!

My poor SO ( DH but we're not married) desperately wants to be a part of his childrens lives, but their mother doesn't agree and it's so hard for him having to fight for every little thing sad

If my SO thinks DSS needs to see a dr, or would enjoy a particular activity, he has (up until now) had the courtesy to contact their mother to discuss it - now she says that she doesn't want him to contact her, because he won't do what she tells him to do.

I fear that it won't be long before they end up back in court for a specific issue order about something; DSS is due to change schools soon, and SO will want to be involved in choosing where he goes - his ex totally excluded him when his older daughter did the same thing sad

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