Stroppy tween voicing displeasure at potential pregnancy.......(10 Posts)
Gawd, where to start....I have 3 children with the ex, divorce underway, separated a year......I have a wonderful relationship with a lovely man that the children also really like. All sounds great......having talked about our future, we would be keen to have a child in a couple of years time, give the kids time to properly adjust to a new partner, let the dust settle on whats been a hard time for them. My 10 year old DD is old beyond her years and has alluded to the fact that she knows she thinks that will happen.....I havent lied to her and denied that there is a possibility I may have a baby and I was very reassuring about various things and was honest without being aloof and dismissive of her concerns. She however is completely freaking out about this and will not entertain anything to do with the idea just wondering if anyone else has encountered this and if so what the hell you did??!!
She must have gotten this idea from somewhere. Perhaps you're divulging a bit too much at such an early stage.
I think there are some things in life that children just don't get a say in. Whether or not they get siblings is one of them.
Reassure her that it isn't happening right now, and that if it does happen in the future, that it will be fine, that it won't change the relationship that you have with her, but that it is not worth worrying now about "ifs." I think having any more discussion than this will give her the impression that she gets to help decide if you have a baby, and has a right to be angry if you don't agree with what she wants.
Oh my tween did The Face when me and DP first got together every time his name was mentioned she did The Face and the Meh.
Me and DP have talked about potentially TTC but we haven't let the kids know, although I am sure she knows its on the cards.
Ride it out (snurk) nothing to do with her.
PS DD loves DP to bits now
grandhighpoohba has got it exactly right. don't encourage her to think this is a joint decision. i'd say, too - if this is still a distant possibility, make it clear that it isn't goingto happen immediately, but don't shy away from discussing it altogether, either - let her get used to the idea slowly.
my stepkids (13 and 11 at the time I became pregnant) were keen to have a baby sibling (much more thrilled about that than about having ME around!) - but they still had to understand that it was a decision that their dad and i made, not them. Likewise when we chose her name. And they were emphatic that the new baby had to be a boy (nope - we had a girl - and they love her to bits now).
My SD has since told both DH and I that we are too old to even think of having another one. I let her know (nicely and subtly, i think!) that the state or contents of my uterus was not really hers to control.
Thanks for those, she actually said to me 'you will consult me if you decide to do anything major wont you?' I nearly choked!!! I explained that as an adult its up to me to make the decisions! Am absolutely petrified as despite being on Cerazette, I am late.....Im going to do a test later :-/. I figure that if I am, I wouldnt say anything til the 3 month point anyway as well, who knows........I think she has the attitutude that babies just screw everything up thanks to the idiot ex husband that had a horrible attitutude about her brothers when they were babies :-(. Wish me luck x
good luck! i hope you get the answer you are hopng for.
Once you know for sure you're pregnant, I'd recommend keeping all the kids as involved as possible - ask them what names they might choose (DSS aged 9 chose Harry or Hermione, we haven't used them) get them feel your bump when the baby moves, show them pictures of how the baby is developing, that kind of thing. Obviously it's your (you and DP I mean) decision (as far as nature allows, at least) but it will be different with you and your new DP from what it was with the XH, they will have different parenting styles etc etc. Best of luck with everything!
Thank you all for your thoughts :-) test was negative which I was strangely disappointed about (so was DP) but it's strengthened our resolve to actively try in the new year when the timing would be much better so all is good! Still strange that I havent come on yet, I am like clockwork so not sure whats going on there :-/!
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