This is the first time I've actually posted on here but do occasionally come on and read the threads as I've found there are a lot of people in the same boat and experiencing the same feelings.
I've been with my DP for nearly 3 year. He has an 8 year old son who stays with us every other weekend and 1 night through the week.
For the most part, I can see that we have been lucky in that DP has an amicable relationship with his ex, although we both agree she leaves much to be desired in terms of being a good role model etc.
We are lucky in that my step son seemed to accept the fact that me and his dad were together straight away and has never intentionally tried to make it difficult.
The overall problem is that, even after nearly 3 years, I still find myself fighting against the fact that DP has a son who is not going anywhere. I want so much to be able to fully accept him and whilst I know that to 'love' him may be a big ask, at least to really like him and not resent him.
I know that feeling like this makes me selfish, and I think this is part of the problem. I become irritated and on edge when he is with us sometimes, and whilst I try not to let him see this I know that DP does. I struggle to relax about toys and clothes that are left lying around, feel annoyed when he picks at his food when I have put time and effort into preparing a healthy meal (which he wouldn't get with his mum) and am just generally over-sensitive and almost on the look-out for even slightly naughty behaviour.
Some weekends when my step son stays with us, though not every weekend, by Sunday night I feel frazzled. Although I have broached the subject of him going back to his mums on Sunday night and us having him an extra night through the week instead, DP felt that he wanted to keep this routine and suggested that if I'm getting frazzled I should go out for the day or something to get some space...fair point but I'd rather not feel frazzled in the first place.
This sets DP on edge and I know upsets him, and from time to time we argue about it. I can see from his point of view how horrible it would be to know that your partner was having thoughts like this about your own child and that makes me feel awful.
We have just found out that we're expecting and I suppose this has made me think that I really want to work at this for the sake of us all. DP is absolutely the one, and whilst there have been a couple of occasions in the past when I have considered running away, I DON'T want to do this, and desperately don't want this to come between us.
I can see how lucky we are in one sense...things could be so much worse but i suppose what I am looking for is any advice on how to relax about things, let go and stop trying to control everything so much. It would be great to hear some positive words from people who have managed to overcome, or learn to live with such feelings.
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Perspective, advice and positive words much needed
51 replies
Fingerscrossed1 · 20/06/2011 10:30
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