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Who should buy Fathers Day present?

(10 Posts)
SillyDolly Tue 14-Jun-11 18:13:50

Hiya, I'm new here but have been lurking for a little while! With Fathers day coming this weekend, I would really appreciate everyone opinions on this...

DSD is only 11 months old, so obviously too small to choose a pressie herself. 

I've been with DP since baba was only 2 months old, and have been living together for 9 months, are discussing having a baby together and marriage etc. 

He and his ex split up before he knew she was pregnant, and they had only been together for 2 months before that. He wasn't happy (they clash massively, plus some Internet flirting/sexting/arranging to meet other blokes on her part) so he had ended it, then she announced it. This changed nothing for him about how he felt about her, but said he would support his child, if she decided to keep it.

He loves his Daughter without question, but he really resents his Ex for a number of things (feeling she trapped him into this situation, her being very difficult when we got together, just the fact that she calls the shots full stop). He would love to have baba full time if we could - as would I.  Although I feel maybe I don't deserve to call her my DSD or to post on here, we have baba every weekend and I have a massive part in the responsibility for taking care of her when she is at our house (cook all her meals from scratch, do most of feeding her, get up when she crys, plus I've bought lots of the necessary items for her, such as highchair, clothes, pushchair).

Anyway, the crux of this is; should I buy a Fathers Day card and present from baba, or should I just leave it to his Ex? I feel that it wiuld mean more to him if it came from me, given that he really dislikes his ex, and that she often tries to "score points" with stuff like this. I wouldn't mind if she bought one too (I'm sure she will) but would like to know everyone option.

Bearinthebigwoohouse Tue 14-Jun-11 18:30:00

I used to do it, and then when dsd was older I would ask her if she needed me to help sort it or if she needed any money to get something. Some years her mum would get something, mostly she wouldn't and I just figured it wasn't really worth worrying about that I would just plan to get something.

nailak Tue 14-Jun-11 18:36:25

nobdie, it is a fake occassion,

mamalocco Tue 14-Jun-11 19:42:02

Get a card and put DSD's hand prints on it. Gifts for father's day are unnecessary (DH phoned me today to make sure DC not getting him anything) but a little keep sake like that is thoughtful without being OTT.

WinterLover Tue 14-Jun-11 21:07:09

Agree with mamalocco DSD(5) usually has a making and doing session with me just before fathers day where she makes him a mess masterpiece grin Its more of a keep-sake rather than a present. He then puts it up in his office at home.

Anything she makes at school for Fathers Day is kept at her mums for her step-dad angry Up until I came along 3 years ago, DP never got anything for Fathers Day from her everything went to her step-dad!!

smokinaces Tue 14-Jun-11 21:13:14

I think its a discussion you need to have with him - and her to an extent. Who did Mothers Day? and Christmas?

My ex-H has a live in girlfriend (they've been together 10-11 months) and my boys are 3 and 4. We have an arrangement that we do birthdays/fathers day/mothers day/christmas for each other from the kids until they are old enough to do it themselves.

I would feel quite upset if his girlfriend got him something from my boys for Fathers Day. But, we have a (fairly) good relationship still, so its kind of different I guess.

Will you have her this weekend? Could you see if she comes with anything on Saturday - and if not, do some handprints on some paper to "make" a card for him?

allnewtaketwo Tue 14-Jun-11 21:15:40

At that age a little card - footprint is a good idea. Would be nice for him if you arranged it.

It's a sore point for me because despite DSS now being 15 I'm still doing it (well actually this year is the first time I'm not doing it - but that's only because DSSs aren't here this weekend and they won't have realised, or care on lala land that it's Fathers Day)

nenevomito Wed 15-Jun-11 22:15:01

It depends on how likely ex is to get a card on behalf of your DSD. If its unlikely then you get it so DSD can still give him a card.

SillyDolly Thu 16-Jun-11 10:42:50

Thanks for the replies smile I'm glad I finally plucked up the courage to post here!

I am going with the suggestions of a card with a handprint, and no present. This is thoughtful without being OTT.

I'm sure his Ex will send her with something this weekend anyway, but I wanted to mark the "Daddy moments" he has with baba which - horrid as this may sound to some - I see and am a part of, not his Ex (because they were never together as parents).

(hope I've managed to not piss anyone of on my first time out!) grin

Bearinthebigwoohouse Thu 16-Jun-11 12:31:42

It sounds lovely, and who knows - maybe your dsd's mum will surprise you and do something equally lovely. What I would say is don't under-estimate your role in this little girl's life. Ok, you aren't her mum but you are playing a big part in caring for her, and you're another significant adult in her life. She's a lucky little girl to have you too.

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